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Rock Reality Show Recap: Bob Dylan Gets Butchered on “The Next Great American Band”

10/29/07, 9:57 am EST

The producers of American Idol think they can find The Next Great American Band on TV (and no, they’re not talking about the next great Grand Funk Railroad). We think we can find some pleasure in this pursuit with our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our second report:

Two Great American Reality Hours in Three Sentences: In the first round of competition, our twelve finalists are plunged into one of America’s greatest traditions: butchering a Bob Dylan song. While this sacred practice is as old as Dylan himself (see how once great American band Red Hot Chili Peppers did “Subterranean Homesick Blues”), it really is something special to watch this diverse group of exposure-hungry noobs stumble though the songbook of our greatest living songwriter. Swing doofuses Denver and the Mile-High Orchestra do the happiest version of “Freight Train Blues” ever; teenage metal band Light Of Doom does Hendrix’s — er, Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower” and the judges agree they should all put their shirts on; and “Dot Dot Dot” massacre “Like a Rolling Stone” so bad that even the diplomatic Sheila E said “I don’t what happened.” Dicko’s response: “Less time running around like a hyperactive emo leprechaun, more time concentrating on your vocals” (for proof, see the video above).

Best Great American Band: Early RS picks Franklin Bridge do a Terrance Trent D’Arby-ified “Tangled Up In Blue” with ridonkluous drumming and an acid-fried guitar solo … and a funky-loud original with ridonkluous drumming and an acid-fried guitar solo. Sheila E — probably much to the dismay of the producers — threw a fit: “I have nothing bad to say about you guys! You guys are gonna win! You guys are gonna be the Next Great American Band! I predict that!” Hey, we think so too. Seriously, next week we’re gonna go back to watching Ghost Whisperer.

Worst Great American Band: The Likes of You, a band so colorless they were essentially left out of the first episode (telling: colorless judge John Rzeznik is fan) does “Blowin’ in the Wind,” turning a tune that an eight-year-old can tell you is one of the most profound songs ever into vapid, melismatic, anachronistic AOR pop-rock. Insult to injury: the lead singer wore what looked like a fashionable $35 faux-vintage Dylan tee under his douchetastic leather jacket.

Creepiest Great New Zealand Dialogue: Dicko to the lead singer of Rocket: “At times you sounded like my teenage daughter having one of her tanties.” Wait, what?

Most Annoying Great American Dialogue: Before playing their original, at least four bands introduced it with the redundant quip, “This is an original song we wrote.” Bands are all so idiotically stupid!


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Comments

Fortune Rocks | 10/29/2007, 12:27 pm EST

Franklin Bridge, your favorite, also had an amazing keyboard player. The only problem is he/she wasn’t on stage. As a matter of fact if you listen closely you’ll find there was a number of nice additions to FB that seemingly came from the man behind the curtain. I would assume theres a lot of bands that could really benefit from a little extra guitar, some nice keys, and maybe a little extra vocals added into their performance. I suggest you do a little more research for your next article. Information like this needs to be the lead in my opinion. As a result, I would assume this show has lost all credibility among people who really know their music. This show has no integrity. Bands like Dot Dot Dot and Rocket are so bad its laughable.

bburris | 10/29/2007, 1:14 pm EST

Fortune Rocks,
If you noticed, the drummer had a percussion/synth pad next to him at the kit, which is probably where the extra layers came from. i do agree that most of the “talent” on this show is lacking. The Clark Brothers are amazing, however.

Michelle | 10/29/2007, 6:16 pm EST

I cringed when I heard this crap. Why does FOX feel the need to feed the American people this garbage?

me | 10/29/2007, 10:02 pm EST

hahahahahaha!!!!

rachel | 10/29/2007, 11:19 pm EST

Dom’s a New Zealander, Dicko’s an Aussie :P

Erin Franklin | 10/30/2007, 8:34 pm EST

The judges’ comments are inspid and lack an edge. The boy band is not the best, they seemed to be condemed for their youth rather than talent, and for not wearing shirts. If voters watching are as old and repressed as the judges, then maybe they should sell out and get dressed. But I think the youthful voters like their free-spirit (maybe even sexy) image. Stupid show, stupid judges.

we two | 10/31/2007, 10:25 am EST

thought the show was great by bringing into light the various music genere in america. really enjoy the brothers.

we two | 10/31/2007, 10:25 am EST

thought the show was great by bringing into light the various music genere in america. really enjoy the brothers.

sweet cheeks | 10/31/2007, 11:37 am EST

Hasn’t Rolling Stone featured Geoff Byrd favorably in an article in the past?? The LIkes of You have a great sound and lead singer. Given a chance, they’ll bring everyone around to their side!!!

Genevieve | 10/31/2007, 10:32 pm EST

Sixwire, amazing.

bj thompson | 11/1/2007, 12:32 am EST

Do the producers think the viewers are brainless??? A couple of the bands that were “voted” to go on to the next round were not included in the top 12. What happened??? Did they do something illegal…immoral…or what?? Is that fair to the bands…I think not. Where’s the credibility to the bands or the viewers????????

Scott | 11/2/2007, 3:55 pm EST

Sixwire is one of the worst bands on there. They are like a group of guys who had a band and high school, but that didn’t work out, so when they started going through their mid-life crisis they were like, “Hey let’s start the band again.” And all of their yearning to be hip rock stars shines through in their blase out-of-date “rock” tunes.

Universal Music | 11/5/2007, 2:14 pm EST

TAKE THE NOOSE OFF THE FUNK

I was present (along with the other members of my band), at the August 19th taping of AMERICAS NEXT TOP BAND( from the producers of AMERICAN IDOL). I witnessed several good performances that day, but none better than that by the Nu Family Band, *(on drums they had Jonathan Moffett, Michael Jackson & Madonna’s drummer), and, after witnessing an awesome performance by the girls( Nu Family Band), something happened that I will never forget! The first judge, John Reznik, voted yes! The second judge, Sheila E, said “I love George Clinton, but I’m gonna have to say no, because Soul & Funk is not marketable! It was a bit confusing (to me), to hear her say that, especially since her career was built on Soul &Funk with PRINCE! There was a rumor that her response was scripted………

Is it my imagination, or is there an “Invisible Noose” on the neck of Soul & Funk Music? Why is this music being ignored……(especially when it comes to bands)?……This genre was influential for most of the rap and hip hip culture,as well as many other styles of music… and an entire generation of aspiring musicians are being denied this influence……………….

It appears that a few major corporations are content with recycling the same sound(and look), over and over again, and anything that doesn’t fit the “mold” , will be discarded. Creativity and originality doesn’t matter to them! I feel that it’s time to take it to the streets, let’s find out what the people think. I have performed music throughout the world, and have found that the love for SOUL & FUNK MUSIC is truly universal…. all cultures who love and adore this music, need to come together, take a stand and make a voice, let it be heard, as to how the WORLD feels about, “THE LIBERATION OF SOUL & FUNK MUSIC!

As white guy who grew up in the Midwest, I have often wondered, “why are there are so few black bands in music today”?

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