“Did Britney do her thing?,” Dave Grohl asked the crowd in suite 26213. “Did she do it? Did she make it? It’s done? She did it? So what!” High above the VMA ceremony, Britney’s medicated performance was the last thing on the minds of the fifty-odd lucky rock fans who crammed into the hotel room at the Palms Hotel & Casino for a ninety-minute performance by Foo Fighters.

The Foos held down two suites on the twenty-sixth floor. One was full of alcohol, and custom Foo Fighters beer bongs. The other they turned into a hot, sweaty pit for guest appearances by Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age, Cee-Lo Green of Gnarls Barkley, Jesse Hughes and Brian O’Connor of Eagles of Death Metal, guitarist Pat Smear, Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister and metal gods Mastodon. The Foos kicked off the set with classics like “Everlong,” “Best of You” and “All My Life,” before Cee-Lo stepped in for a rocked-out rendition of Prince’s “Darling Nikki,” (”Let’s make this sexy,” Cee-Lo said) and a soulful take on the Queens’ new classic, “I Wanna Make It Wit Chu,” featuring Grohl on drums. Mastodon smoked out “Colony of Birchman” at an ear-shattering volume, then Lemmy hopped onstage for the Probot jam “Shake Your Blood.” Down the hall, in room 26217, was the Fall Out Boy suite, with performances by Panic! At the Disco, the Bravery and Cobra Starship.

Though it was only 9 PM when the Foos concert ended, nobody was sober. Grohl, Homme and the S.S. sucked down celebratory beer bongs, before we broke out the heavy stuff. In the Foos’ dressing room, we worked our way down the belly of a bottle of Crown Royal with Grohl, while Homme stuck with vodka. “I can’t believe it,” Homme said. “I’m actually having fun at the VMAs!” Grohl, drunkish, offered his undying love for Kilmister, and told us that the first time he met the metal god was when he spotted Lemmy in a strip club, tapping away on a video poker machine. That’s really all we can remember. All we have now is our commemorative beer bong, which features a valve to shut off the beer until you’re ready to allow the liquid to slam down your throat. Classy!

We were so happily removed from what was happening downstairs at the ceremony, that it wasn’t until the afterparty — held at the sprawling Palms pool complex — that we learned that Kid Rock smacked the crap out of Tommy Lee. One eyewitness account told us that during Alicia Keys’ performance, Rock spotted Tommy Lee in his chair and said, “Get the fuck out of my seat.” When Lee responded “Fuck yourself,” it was on. Rock pimpslapped Lee, and as Lee began to retaliate, Rock cold-cocked him. (Video footage of the scuffle has now surfaced online.)
The Foos capped of their evening with a rager in a pool-side cabana, with their motley crew of musicians in full force. When we finally got home to the Hard Rock, at 5 AM, the first thing we did was e-mail Kid Rock — let’s hope he responds — then finally closed our eyes. Though we didn’t see a single person collect a Moonman, we hereby decree the 2007 party the best VMAs ever.