• After learning that Osama bin Laden hates all things American that aren’t Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown has become fearful that al Qaeda is after him so Houston can be completely liberated and free to join bin Laden in his pimped-out cave. Brown is planning on hiring a bodyguard, if only to serenade him with “I Will Always Love You.”

• Check out Will Ferrell’s genius caricature of Neil Diamond in this unaired SNL skit, which also features Kate Hudson as Christina Aguilera.

• The Spice Girls will not have to deal with the arduous task of learning new songs for their reunion tour.

• Predictably, after Sunday’s free giveaway, Prince’s Planet Earth is now orbiting in the file-sharing universe.

• Rhino will reissue the Bee Gees’ Greatest on September 18 with two unreleased songs and four remixes.

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