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An Open Letter To Open-Letter Writers: That Means You, Usher, Britney, Madonna and Metallica

7/13/07, 3:56 pm EST

usherFor a guy named for a profession that involves lots of shushing, Usher sure doesn’t know when to just shut up. Rather than let the controversy surrounding his recent career moves (firing his manager mom, getting engaged after impregnating his fiancé, possibly threatening a radio host) dissipate in time, Usher has opted to publish an open letter justifying his actions and requesting privacy. But rather than posting the letter on his Web site, where only the most rabid Usherphiles would read and understand it, Usher went to People magazine, thus exposing his life to a far larger audience.
Usher joins a long list of artists who have penned open letters, with mixed results. So here’s our open letter to rock stars thinking about writing open letters: Don’t do it. They’re petty, they rarely accomplish their intended goal and they stick around in our memories forever. Need proof?

  • Britney Spears, fresh from rehab, posted an open letter on her Web site thanking her fans for sticking with her through all her problems. This letter was supposed to signify a new, less-likely-to-shave-her-head Britney. It’s no coincidence that the open letter has since been removed from her page.
  • After facing a media firestorm regarding her questionable adoption of a Malawi boy, Madonna (writing under the pseudonym Madonna Ritchie) issued a statement in the form of an open letter clarifying her intent and her method of adoption.
  • Who can forget the infamous open letter by Metallica from the early stages of their battle versus Napster? The best line is a toss-up between “All of us would be perfectly happy serving fried food or mopping the floors of adult entertainment establishments except for the fact that we’d be taking jobs from our fans” and “We have millions of dollars going to convince you that we don’t suck.”

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Comments

Dave Chabonaix | 9/14/2008, 8:20 am EST

Metallica are so out of touch with themselves and their audience. They are merely selling CDs and past glories. Their time is nearly up,

Not to mention the fact that I truly believe the original three members (not the new bassist Reynaldo Trujillo? absolutely display homosexual tendencies. The Guitarist, Kirk Gammett is obviously gay. Cmon’, Did you see his “nellie” tantrum in their documentary “Some Kind Of Monster”?? Oh My!!! Lars and James seem like longtime lovers, and ex+guitarist, huge ego, manic depressive guitarist Dave Mustaine acted like a girl and I believe probably loves James. Hence, the sissy like fued that ensued between Metallica and Megadeth, with the latter despite Dave “Whiner” Mustaine the far superior and underrated band. Lars is a big joke. James looks like a fool and Napster was cool!

Tyronia Amezcua Jefferson | 9/14/2008, 8:09 am EST

I be lovin; me sum usha. I wish he knocked me up like he do wit Larika Foster. that bitch!

Tyronia Amezcua Jefferson | 9/14/2008, 8:07 am EST

I be lovin’ my usher. I wish he knock me up like he ‘do wit Larika Foster. bitch!

lick a rope O' Chinaski | 7/16/2007, 2:05 am EST

You don’t mind if me and her swing by? Nah, Rope. You know me, anytime…

momentery lapses | 7/16/2007, 1:59 am EST

Dear Usher, I was curiWHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO? What’s the matter, kid? I’m alright,Hank. Any beer left? Nope, fresh out…(God, I’m really being an IDIOT tonight) Hank, you wanna ride to the liquor store? 1 outta 3… Not bad, kid. You keep swingin’ like that, they’ll be snappin’ Polaroids of you in Cooperstown………….what about that girl, you’ve been seeing? She’s got nice legs? Beautiful. Yeah, you should bring her by one night. Really, you don’t mind. Nah,kid…you know me

lik roper | 7/15/2007, 11:59 pm EST

furthermore; almost everything in the mass-media is essentially an ‘open letter to the world’ - so who said that only professional journalists can influence the mass-consciousness?

lik roper | 7/14/2007, 12:18 pm EST

it’s really simple; usher can say and write whatever he wants, and if people don’t like it they can go fuck themselves…

mr.goodtimes | 7/13/2007, 5:55 pm EST

who gives a shit about Axl, i fucking adore GNR (OG) but this whole chinese demo bullshit is just retarded…i dont even care if it comes out, as long as my appetite CD is working, its all the GNR i need

Jeff | 7/13/2007, 5:08 pm EST

Don’t forget Axl Rose’s open letter, dated December 14th 2006, announcing a tentative release date of March 6, 2007 and that “if we are delayed further, you will be notified as soon as possible in regards to a new date”.

February 22nd of this year we got an update saying “Recording is complete, there is no release date because the band is currently mixing”.

It’s been over 4 months since March 6th.

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