“Can’t wait to hear the end product. We’re already stocking up on Kool-Aid, polishing our Hale Bop sunglasses and making sure our Dungeons & Dragons cards are in order.”

lol

sounds awful

This is a kinda dumb article. Lots of other bands have annoyingly long song title names so maybe you should mock them as well.

Nonsensical. That about sume it up.

wow i cant believe such a credited magazine would be so close minded as to fall into the trap of sticking to pathetic labels such as emo. Ive lost a lot of respect for u guys, coheed and cambria is an amazing band musically and the story in there music is different, so naturally u guys have to flame it because u have to go with the flow rather than giving credit to a n amazing band that strays from the same old crap every band sticks to today

First off coheed and cambria are an amazing band with great musical talents one listen to “the crowning” can prove that

secondly the story facts are wrong, Jesse is Coheed’s brother not Claudios, and Jesse is never trying to kill cluadio, in the Second Stage Turbine Blade Jesse gets in a fight with coheed but he never battles claudio

Yeah, Mr. Wrong is right. Coheed is the protagonist of the story, and Claudio is one of Coheed and Cambria’s four children. Try reading the comics yourself before you attempt to tell the story of Co&Ca. One more thing, stop trying to place this band into various musical categories. If you’re going to call their music anything, just call it what it is -Rock. Claudio himself says, “I like to think of our music as today’s Rock n Roll.”

Well Wrong is wrong, the song is called “The Crowing,” no “n.”

It is a little disappointing that they’re getting mocked because they’re trying to do something different. I think the strength of the band is that despite the hard to follow plot, the music still sounds good and you don’t need to understand the story to appreciate the songs.

Claudio’s fingers are the most amazing thing God created! He can play the guitar better than almost anybody out today and in the past. Coheed&Cambria’s music is incredibly unique and this article is ridiculous! Try listening to real music that actually has a meaning and story behind it. You can hear in their music that what they are singing about means something and you can hear the passion in Claudio’s voice when he sings. How can anyone dislike that?! You’ll regret writing this article and everyone will laugh at you!!!

claudio is the protagonist! coheed is dead by the end of sstb.

coheed and cambria are by far the most innovative band i’ve heard of, in my time, and they sure shed quite a bit of light over the mundayness of all the other music you hear on the top 40.
and another thing why not actually study something and get the real facts before you slader it. huh?

no way kool-aid is the best when rock’n

also when listening to led-zepplin and coheed and cambria you feel like your in another world and nothing else is as important than head bang’n

also when listening to led-zepplin and coheed and cambria you feel like your in another world and nothing else is as important than head bang’n

NO METALLICA AND COHEED AND CAMBRIA

totally “i disaapear” and ” the suffering” are two of the best songs

I find it amusing that whenever someone criticizes Coheed they always turn to the length of the title or the songs. I mean are people that shallow that that is all they can come up with as a criticism? You do not have to understand the story to enjoy the misic. As Claudio said, this is a rock and roll band before anything else. A song like The Suffering is a real song that applies to real life.
If you do not listen to music because of the title of an album or because you do not understand the story, that is quite shallow.

I’m over-excited about this up-comeing album, “No World for Tommorow”, Coheed has most definiatly influenced my band along side with Iron Maiden and Megadeth. A strange combination ,yes, but aweseom at the same time haha.

rolling stone praises bands like fall out boy ahhaha

coheed is the most creative band on the scene today, so much more talent than the so-called “top” 40. if long titles is something to mock why not mock falloutboy or panicatthedisco?? c&c are amazing artists & kickass guitarists, plus claudio makes my heart sing. coheed & cambria is an epic band, long titles or not..fuckers

COHEED IS NOT EMO!!!! IT’S ROCK, CANT WAIT FOR OCTOBER 23RD!!!!!

OH AND A CORRECTION, CLAUDIO’S REAL LIFE BRO, IS NOT JESSE, IT’S MATTHEW (JUST LIKE IN THE STORY).

JESSE IS CLAUDIO’S UNCLE…. ALL OF CLAUDIO’S FAMILY IS DEAD, EVERYONE, BUT JESSE (AKA INFERNO)

coheed is the “muscular bad ass” in the comic, not claudio. claudio is one of the sons of coheed.

coheed is the “muscular bad ass” in the comic, not claudio. claudio is one of the sons of coheed.

Coheed is my second favorite band, right after Zeppelin, and its pretty obvious that this arcticle was written as a joke…very few parts of his analysis of the characters in the story were correct, and the ones that were had some little commentary on them. And he called them emo, which usually means 3 chords along with whinny “girlfriend dumped me” lyrics. Thats not Coheed. Which is why i thought this article was good, it made my laugh when it said mayo was addicted mayonaise

Rolling Stone Sells out 4/26/07.Claudio Sanchez was sent by God. Zeppelin Forever.

Its Rolling Stone, what do you expect?

You people defending this pretentious nonsense are the worst.

rolling stone is biased, unorganized (stars on site differ than in the mag often) and quick to stereotype. i would not trust (almost) a single review they post. AMG is a way better bet. But i think we should all review albums ourselves and not listen to what a person who ultimatly can in no way be a perfect expert on what you should listen to. besides, co & ca are not as nerdy as kool-aid (wrong race) and d & d. if you actually have hung out with the band (like i, pre-listening party) they are way cooler than that. coheed as made music that will one day be defined as classic (believe me, some of the crap coming out today will be lost in music history) They combine pop/punk/alternative/metal all in one package. (and his wailing vocals (way less girlier than geddy lee) have gotten a lot deeper as the albums have progressed.

In the same way that you may never know why many artists write the songs they do, you should also keep your mind open to the musical product even if you don’t feel like spending time with Co&Ca’s storyline. This is a crucial step to critiquing that editors like you tend to miss (Sometimes you miss this step like it’s your job…Is it one of your objectives?..)

Furthermore, your closing line is derived as sterotypically as any half-minded little comment that I could make towards your musical tastes no matter what they are.

This is the same magazine that gave poor reviews to Led Zeppelin…

ummm…. no, turns out that all this comic book riff raff is just.. well.. gay. Do Bytor and the Snow Dog make a special appearance? Thanks for poking fun at a (swiss) cheese band..

get it? poking.. swiss.. i thought it was good.

Rush already exists.. They did this much better than you guys in the 70’s. But i’ll admit, the first Coheed record is pretty great. But please.. no more burning eyes of tomorrow garbage.. See you at the Comicon!

“Read the comic book” “The story facts are wrong..” “Second Stage Turbine Blade Jesse gets in a fight with coheed but he never battles claudio”

Oh my gosh.. do any of you have social lives? hahahaha.

Oh, wait, i apologize.. of course. You meet up at the Trekkie meetings.. my sincerest apologies.

Sure Rush did something similar to Coheed in the 70’s, so I think we can safely assume all the Rush groupies, such as yourself, will be attending the Trekkie Convention as well. You guys probably have a table reserved at the front, since your seniority in dorkiness gives you that privilege, being a rush fan and all.

STOP MOANING ALL OF YOU! Sheesh, what ever happened to just listening to a band for its music? Are you lot THAT sad that you have to blow holes in each other all the time? Just buy the album and listen to it. Period!

I laughed.

I’m either mislead, or you guys are all taking the joke a little too seriously.

“Oh, wait, i apologize.. of course. You meet up at the Trekkie meetings.. my sincerest apologies.”

hey Dennis A… your sincerest apologies won’t write you out of this one, tonight.

score one for coheed! bahaha

Wow. I have seriously lost my faith in Rolling Stone. You obviously havent taken the time to LISTEN to their fucking music, [especially if you're going around sticking the EMO label on a band like Coheed] and I’m sorry that you’re a bunch of judgemental top-40-loving pricks.

NWFT is going to be awesome. Too bad you wont appreciate it to its full.

Just because Coheed and Cambria arent boring dime-a-dozen shit like Daughtry and Maroon 5, doesnt mean you have to bash them.

Hey! Little Magazine Editor! Quit being so bitter about settling for a job at a magazine instead of making music half as cool as Coheed’s (because you know it’s impossible to surpass Coheed’s coolness. Especially for you. Ignorant douche.).

wow, this is really disappointing. I mean, not just from one perspective, but from both. Ever since my subscription to Rolling Stone Magazine i awaited the day that they would do a review on Coheed and Cambria, a band that get little credit for the massive amount of talent that they have. And finally, two days before their new album comes out i find this garbage on this internet. Its depressing really, i thought a magazine that has so much influence on today’s society would get something right for once, but i was wrong. Here we go. You guys have been going down hill ever since i subscribed, almost ever issue has been a waste. From covering Maroon 5, a band who has a stuck up lead singer and an even more uninteresting band, to kid rock, yet another self-centered star, i just hate to see such a magazine destroy itself like that. No this has nothing to do with Coheed and Cambria yet, but its still an issue. Coheed and Cambria has a lot of potential, and you don’t give them credit for it. You just go with mainstream crap, which quite frankly doesn’t benifit the music scene as you might think. No body wants to hear about how emotional kid rock’s break up with Pamala Anderson. Kid rock is an immature bastard who craves the attention you idiots give him. Coheed and Cambria do what they do for the fans. It’s just really disappointing, you don’t need to care about the comics or any other “nerdy” label the band might have. Maybe you should look at bands because of the actual talent they have. Have you ever heard Fallout Boy live? they suck… so maybe next time try and find a band with talent, instead of bands that are gifted with radio play.

make fun of coheed all you like that wont stop them from doing what they do best….making great rock to rock out to!

The thing that gets me about this article is the fact that they undermine the band’s credibility within the headline. A reporter should be providing the basis for the reader to make their own decision without leading them to accept the critic’s idea right off the bat. It’s a sign of sensationalistic writing style to automatically editorialize on something instead of just presenting the facts. But then again…loaded words and shitty writing sell magazines.
I would much rather the article have been entitled “Coheed Confusing? We’ll Set You Straight” instead of calling their title nonsensical and dismissing them as garbage. Whether they are or aren’t is up to the reader.

I appreciate what RS tried to do here, but by making snarky comment throughout the explanation of the plot of the Amory Wars saga, they’re just making themselves look bad. If you don’t get the story, ask someone who does, and pass it on in an informative manner without bashing it. There are people who legitimately want to understand the story behind the Coheed albums, myself included.

If you want to editorialize, review the record or review a live show. If you want to report facts, report facts, and do it without bias. If you want to talk shit about a band or try and influence someone’s opinion on them, go post on a forum somewhere or whine to your friends.
Enough said.

ALL HAIL COHEED! its great to see they have fans out there who appreciate their music like myself! i egerly await the release of NWFT.

this guy makes himself look like an idiot. good job.

I wasn’t aware that Coheed & Cambria fans were decendents of Heaven’s Gate (Kool-Aid and sunglasses reference).

But, as a dude who listens to a lot of metal and shit like that, I will admit that C&C is probably one of the best bands out there.

Creative song writing and doing your own thing nowadays just seems like it’s the wrong thing to do, or so that’s what this article seems to say, but it’s things like that that’ll make a band well known for a long time, and as a band that does it well and always delivers a great album, I don’t see a problem with this at all.

Sorry, not all music can sound the same. If every band sounded like falloutboy or some shit that record companies are trying to pass off as “New and amazing! Simply astonishing!” I think I would just stop listening to music all together.

Nice try at being cute and funny. The only funny thing is that you are a jack ass and Coheed and Cambria have much more talent than most bands around today. I am sorry their story line is a little to hard for someone like you to understand.

A true coheed fan has Coheed and Cambria 1-4 in his/her 6 cd drive.
They are some of the most faithful fans alive. They feel a connection to this amazingly talented band. There is no other band out there that can create what Coheed does. So… Shove it.

Awful review for a stellar band.. and Jesse is Coheed’s brother. Claudio’s brother is Matthew, and he took a hammer to the noggin.

i think its fucking rediculous that you quickly stereotype a fanbase of a certain band just because they have a little depth behind their music. sorry i dont listen to music written by people with an attention span just long enough to growl out a few words, play a few power chords. but hey who am i to change somebody’s opinion if they are a fucking shallow asshole

i think this guy below makes a great point.

wouldnt you agree?

ROLLING STONE AND MORDECHAI SHINEFIELD ARE FUCKING SHALLOW

AWESOME BAND

SHITTY REVIEW

God forbid there be a band whose lyric content go beyond getting wasted, dumped, or stoned. I think Claudio is brilliant for creating everything from the story, to the comic, to his music. I’d like to see any other mainstream girl pant wearing emo band come up with something that people would want to read. It’s pretty lame that such an “amazing” magazine would get its info wrong before posting it on a site. Infero, Coheed’s brother, Matthew, Claudio’s brother, didnt take a hammer to the head, was poisoned. Josephine, Claudio’s sister, took the hammer to the head. Its a good comic really. No World For Tommorrow is pretty good too.

It seems this magazine continues to confirm the public’s opinion of being the fox news of the music world. Their politics are transparent and the people they get to write these articles know as much about music as they do about how to write a decent article. Good job Mordechai, you’ve sucessfully proven once again that you and the rest of your coworkers are as lame and predictable as the crappy music you listen to.

Come on chaps, he didn’t say he didn’t like the music, just that the bands lyrics are a little obscure – and unless you’ve studied them at length and read the comics then they are!

I love C&C (I’m listening to them as I type this) but there’s nothing wrong with poking some gentle fun at their eccentricities.

They’re a bit whiney for me really.

Give ‘em their due though, they can write a decent story and are proper full blown headcases. Good craic.

I think Coheed and Cambria is actually an amazing band…yes they are getting a little mainstream but! you cant say that the music its self isnt mindblowing. i personally think the only reason anyone would have the reason to say they are emo is that in the story there are i think three instances of love where it fucks with the story and makes it different so in which so do the lyrics yeah well i have a lot more to write but i gotta go…..bye!~!

its a concept album

somewhere you forgot that

a lot better than flip-flop fluff or grunged out rock

Hey, Jesse’s Coheed’s brother, not Claudio’s. That could get awful confusing. Just a correction to yer’ guide.

Hm, having listened to the band since around 2003 and read the comic book up to now and comparing them with the lyrics, I still have trouble making sense of around 90 percent of the lyrics. It really does feel like a nonsensical mish-mash. But I love their sound, and love the fact that there’s a band doing a nerdy concept album, so they’re okay with me.

Rolling Stone is such a joke. Anyone who is worried about being “nerdy” should go back to high school until they find out how to grow the fuck up. Why is any adult concerned about being or not being a nerd?

Anyways, Coheed and Cambria are possibly one of the greatest new bands out there. If it’s too difficult for you to understand their lyrics you should really return to grade school for a better understanding of the English language.

It’s really sad that we live in a society where intelligence and talent are frowned upon; yet brawn, popularity, and your ability to get “fucked up” put you at the top of the social ladder.

Popular music has gone down the drain and I fear it will never completely return to its former glory. Coheed and Cambria are a bright light, along with few other bands, shining their way through the shitty darkness that’s known as “good music”.

Was gunna trash this article but it seems 90% of the other reviews did just that. In all honesty, I love the band, not all people will, and thats fine. And if you do love them, well this album is just pure kickass, so not much more to say

A band does something more with their music, creates an entire story, plotline, genuine setting, cast of characters, and timeline and they just get bashed for being too complex for a Rolling Stone writer to follow. Stick to your one-hit-wonders and shallow songs about cliched political and emotional issues.

“No fucking idea what the hell this means.”

…Yeah, most writers for major publications do research to remedy that problem.
But your way seems to work too. Someone is obviously paying you to “not get it”. You must be doing something right by doing it horribly wrong.
Thank you though, for reminding me why Rolling Stone hasn’t been truly significant, since Madonna was a “Material Girl” and National Lampoon was actually funny.