Imagine our surprise when we received Paula Abdul — Greatest Hits: Straight Up! in the mail today. Now don’t get your undies in a bunch, the disc doesn’t go on sale ’til May 8th.
After rocking out furiously to “Cold-Hearted,” “Forever Your Girl” and, of course, “Straight Up,” we simmered down enough to ponder: Why now, Paula? Of all times to dust off that unfortunate-yet-catchy remnant of the early-’90s? After nearly five years of creeping insidiously into our hearts with your slurry, saccharine stage-mother sunshine? Why choose now to capitalize on your American Idol fame and remind us of your other, Taylor Dayne-ish shadow self? Are you there, Paula? Are you listening?
Not that we’re complaining. Forced to pick one Paula, we might just choose that vaguely chubby-legged, Emilio Estevez-loving friend of a cartoon cat over the embattled reality show diva that is Paula 2.0. Then again, maybe not.
Which Paula would you choose?

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