One of the most common ploys to boost ratings on a struggling show is to hype the impending death of an important (yet somewhat unloved and completely replaceable) character. But the networks have mostly wasted this golden opportunity by operating on too small a scale — stealing a page from the comic book model, they should make the kill-off a huge universe-wide event.

The answer is The Executioner — a hit man or serial killer who travels from show to show, knocking off characters past their sell-by date as he goes. Another week, another unsolved homicide. They could get anyone to play him, really, as long as it’s Ray Liotta. (He’s got some spare time on his hands now anyway.)

We all have specific characters we’d tune in to watch die. Our humble suggestions (don’t make us beg):

1. As much as we’d like to see David Caruso die a horrible death, most shows don’t like to part with their stars quite so wantonly. So we’ll have to settle for Ray Liotta making sure one of the lesser CSI: Miami investigators (they’re all interchangeable) gets chopped into chum by a fanboat propeller and fed to the sharks off South Beach.

2. It’s about time Survivor lived up to its name with an immunity challenge guaranteed to leave a mark. All you have to do is make it across this rope bridge over a slumbering Ray Liotta. Oh, and he’s only pretending to be asleep. And he’s armed with a flamethrowing chainsaw.

3. We can’t pin all the blame for Medium on Patricia Arquette, so we’re sure the show could go on after, well, the entire cast was killed in a tragic blimp accident.

4. This week on Deal or No Deal: All but one of these cases are filled with cash amounts. But Ray Liotta has taken the liberty of replacing one of the case’s contents with enough plastic explosives to obliterate the entire set, Howie Mandel’s sweaty cranium included. That banker phone call can’t come fast enough…but, unfortunately, Liotta’s up in his booth having a little “talk.” Guess you just have to choose wisely. No whammies!

5. Who wouldn’t tune in just to see George Lopez get hit by a bus? We sure would. Finally, a cheesy laugh track put to good use.

What do you guys think? Help us out and let us know what characters you’d like to watch suffer an excruciatingly painful death at the hands of Ray Liotta. All of the TV industry is (almost possibly) listening…