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Britney’s Need for Rehab: A Clinical Inquiry

2/22/07, 1:45 pm EST

Britney SpearsWe all know Britney needs to go to rehab, but what for? She does seem to have the crazy (like a dog, you can almost see the rabid in her eyes) but for what, exactly, is Britney seeking treatment? The pop star’s thing for coke is reportedly the least well-kept secret in Hollywood, and we’ve all seen evidence of her boozing ways splashed across the pages of US Weekly, but we don’t know this new sheared, G.I. Brit so well, we’re not sure what’s happening in her head, or going up her nose. How can we assume she’s not addicted to pornography, or body mutilation, or the internet? Does she have postpartum depression, as genius View cohost (and licensed practitioner of awesome) Rosie O’Donnell surmises?

It’s clear that Britney’s problems are deeper than some post-adolescent crush on happy pills; what do you think Britney’s writing down in the “Seeking Treatment For …” column on her Promises Malibu intake papers?


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Comments

Dave | 2/22/2007, 1:58 pm EST

Interesting point made recently that a strand of hair will detail all drug use during a period of time. Maybe shaving her head was meant to take that out of the equation just in case she needed to cover up her naughty, drug-imbibing past as she looks to portray herself as a fit mommy.

For more relevant music news and information (that’s actually about music)…

http://www.direct-current.net

cowboy | 2/22/2007, 2:04 pm EST

Exhaustion

fixtheglitch | 2/22/2007, 2:15 pm EST

probably an addiction to painkillers…

Max | 2/22/2007, 2:29 pm EST

An addiction to being white trash.

Lobsters | 2/22/2007, 2:37 pm EST

Maybe it’s her own god damn business.

jungleland | 2/22/2007, 2:42 pm EST

I started to post, then decided that I am wasting my life caring about this….

J-Odo | 2/22/2007, 2:58 pm EST

umm she’s obviously idiotic…and what was she thinking even shaving her head..its gonna grow back..and he could take a sample of arm hair or some other kind of hair..we all know shes not shaved everywhere…shes gave the tabloids plenty of free peek shows…plus its the 21st centuary..cant they hook her up to some brain thing and detect whats wrong up there in her looney ben

Acoran | 2/22/2007, 3:00 pm EST

“An addiction to being white trash”

Best Comment Ever!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

AJ Rocks | 2/22/2007, 3:04 pm EST

I’d say she’s addicted to the movie G.I. Jane – Shave Me Baby One More Time!

Jerry Nolan | 2/22/2007, 3:11 pm EST

So Max and Acoran, you think you’re members of the friggin’ Master Race? Can we look forward to more of that kinda thing on future Michael Jackson and Kanye West posts?

Tim | 2/22/2007, 3:24 pm EST

I just saw an article and 2 photos at http://www.dlisted.com of Britney trying to break out a car window with an umbrella at Federline`s house, and in the other photo she seems to be charging at a photographer, she really does look crazy. She keeps this up, she`s going to end up being committed.

Joe | 2/22/2007, 3:26 pm EST

She is addicted to the love of sweet, sweet K-Fed.

the truth | 2/22/2007, 3:32 pm EST

rosie o’donnell is a bulldyke

ishy wit it | 2/22/2007, 3:47 pm EST

she’s a total cokehead, its pretty obvious. and people who are on coke all the time (read: the only people who can afford to…celebrities!) go totally insane…suffering bouts of paranoia, psychosis, rage, etc.

Still, she looks totally hot with a shaved head.

Rob C | 2/22/2007, 4:18 pm EST

Boo-hoo. Snort-up Pig. I feel sorry for your kids, not you.

lik roper | 2/22/2007, 4:32 pm EST

where do i start? – hmmm – ok here goes; the best recordings ever made in the history of music were made by drug addicts!…

if it hadn’t been for marijuana(and/or bob dylan) we wouldn’t have sgt. peppers; and (not that i approve of heroine usage, but) if it weren’t for heroin we wouldn’t have physical graffiti and/or appetite for destruction and/or nevermind and/or etc etc etc…

also; the modern computer interface with icons and such were in fact created by long-haired stoner engineers at apple computers way back when the computer industry was a cool place to work, so; who cares if celine dion doesn’t do drugs and my sister likes her music or whatever, you know?…

that’s right; i could go on and on about how all the greatest (and/or most popular) music ever made was made by drug addicts, but what’s the point?…

(oh, and since britney is a mommy now, she should concentrate on being every bit as good a mom as her own mom)

now go heal yourselves and smoke some medicinal pot, everybody!…

abandonedstation | 2/22/2007, 4:36 pm EST

britney’s addicted to people telling her she’s talented.
And she’s running low!

She’s just a young woman who had the right look at the right time and was completely shielded by her handlers. She may be a nice, attractive person, but this doesn’t mean she’s talented.
As she has said, she’s living her dreams. But dreams end. And poor Britney doesn’t seem to have a good plan B (and while doing line after line of blow is a piss-poor plan B, it’s typical one for hollywood).

Christina Aguilera | 2/22/2007, 4:40 pm EST

Can’t we just let this poor, stinky, rotting fish slowly decompose her way into oblivion. The world would be far better off

lik roper | 2/22/2007, 6:23 pm EST

for the record; cocaine is the worse drug of all because it will make sell your gramma to get more…i did my last line in about 1989 or so and haven’t touched it since…

cocaine affects your sleep for up to a year after snorting it, and if you do enough if permanently damages your neurotransmitters, which send signals to your brain to control your movement etc – so! cocaine is definitely a no-no for drummers especially…

you know; i heard tommy aldrige finally made $$$ a mint $$$ from the ozzy live tribute album, then went on a coke binge and ended up selling his sparling greenish/white sonar drum kit to a friend of mine who owned a local music store…

since then i saw aldrige with whitesnake, and while he was rock solid and still real good, all the double bass drum quads and triplets were gone…his playing style has noticably changed…

KIDDIES; IF YOU HAVEN’T STARTED; PLEASE DON’T DO COCAINE! TRUST ME! IF THERE IS A DEVIL; COCAINE IS IT – anyway…

lik roper | 2/22/2007, 6:53 pm EST

and! i never actually even bought any cocaine, i just ‘accepted lines’ here and there, and that was bad enough! – you know; putting water up my nose every few minutes to squeeze every last bit of juice out of the blow…not good…

don’t do cocaine.

thewufs | 2/22/2007, 7:30 pm EST

I just wanted to tell all you guys: I will make sell your gramma. And cocaine ddad

Sprock | 2/22/2007, 7:31 pm EST

Hey Brit! The curtains DO match the carpet! (or lack there of) HA!

tooo sexy4u | 2/22/2007, 7:34 pm EST

u’s guys are mean she obviously needs help she needs to think about her kids before her social life

tooo sexy4u | 2/22/2007, 7:36 pm EST

seriously its more like ud rather see her as a dead beat mum than a civilised one keep up the bad comments no good can came out of this

auramac | 2/22/2007, 8:29 pm EST

Meltdown. All of the above- and more. Not just one, two, three things… many factors. Who among us know her and the situation to dare pontificate on the subject, what’s in her head. It’s very sad… and getting scarier by the minute. Too bad she’s not a minor- but an addict can’t be helped unless she wants it- and even then, well.. her mama, loser husband, no one else around her- sure aint her Higher Power. This is no joke. She could die- seriously.

Lado | 2/22/2007, 8:47 pm EST

I hated Britney Spears eight years ago.

I hate Britney Spears today.

Does anybody actually like her in an un-ironic way? Why won’t she JUST. GO. AWAY!! She’s the worst thing to ever happen to music.

dakota | 2/22/2007, 9:26 pm EST

This is just lifes payback for her shit music and no talent.I feel for her kids. Where are all the good bands being played…surely not on the radio…Oh yeah back to this bitch all I can say is Brit take Paris, Lyndsay and all those other vicodin drenched ho`s and go away..

lik roper | 2/22/2007, 10:02 pm EST

the biggest mistake the courts make is in breaking up families – that should be the absolute last resort; not the first, as separating families tears at the fabric of our society and has alot to do with why we have wild teenagers running all over the fucking place right now…

tooo sexy4u | 2/22/2007, 11:53 pm EST

ure proberly right she is white trash

horseboy | 2/23/2007, 5:28 am EST

I think she is addicted to fantasies of getting back together with justin.. and all the other addictions probably stem from that single aspect.. so yea.. blame nsync.. or better yet.. the micky mouse club.

enough | 2/23/2007, 8:06 am EST

I agree with Dave. The results of the hair strand test may have promised to be more harmful to her than putting up with all the ignorant, sexist comments in the press about her new hairstyle.

Poindexter | 2/23/2007, 10:31 am EST

She needs a nice soothing enema/douche combo to settle her nerves.

Orco | 2/23/2007, 12:31 pm EST

Oh Britney! She keeps givin us cassic moments. She’ll be hot (and snorting cocaine) again by next summer.

Boner | 2/23/2007, 12:37 pm EST

She overdosed on my schlong.

Martin | 2/23/2007, 1:17 pm EST

“Seeking Treatment to get the taste of Madonna outta my mouth”.

Wont be long now and this nutcake will be joining that other recently departed substance-addled white-trashette.

Empathetic | 3/13/2007, 12:43 pm EST

Britney was a cute girl, talented, fairly innocent to my knowledge, she just wanted to be a star…

How many young girls want that??

She was in the spotlight from a young age, and then the time for really growing into a woman was completly distorted by tours, media and fortune.

I wouldn’t want her life. I can barely deal with growing up without thousands of people watching and judging me. Yea, I don’t think she is currently the best role model, I think she got excited when at just 16 she got so much sexual attention. Fuck, in my small highschool it was hard not to give in the that, it was a nice way to feel “grown up.”

Now look at her, obviously she’s falling, and she must hate it. It is impossible for her to have a relationship, she has no idea what to do with her kids, she never even had the chance herself!

I never liked her music, her performance, or the way she strutted around in skanky attire. I have always thought she was a poor role model, and hated when my cousin wanted to be just like her.

HOWEVER, I feel extremely sorry for her. Her song Lucky says so much.. The dream she always wanted came true… and it had to be like nothing she imagined. Now she can’t escape the media, her choices, or the life she fell into. I hope that she can make it through, and that at least some of her fans have the compassion to support her in her recovery.

Mike | 8/29/2007, 9:18 pm EST

I am 48 and I really feel for her. I know at my age I could get back into a coke habit in minutes. She doesn’t stand a chance.

Sharon | 12/10/2008, 4:07 pm EST

movie sexy Sharon Stone

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