Previous Next Latest

Scientology Claims More Pampered Lives: Could Your Fave Celeb Be Next?

2/16/07, 5:20 pm EST

Tom Cruise

Nothing says “worry about me” like a trip to Los Angeles’ gleaming Scientology Center. If you are a nauseatingly famous rock or movie star and things are sucking in your life, you can go to rehab, get defiantly fit via cycling or striptease aerobics or…discover your inner thetan! According to recent reports, the not yet indoctrinated Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have been exploring Scientology. Apparently J. Lo wants babies so bad she’s gonna get them even if it requires “auditing” her soul so it can be free of the evil “engrams” and “implants” put there millions of years ago by extraterrestrial dictators. Yikes.

We’re sorry more celebutantes can’t be like our new idol Posh Spice, who, when asked if her upcoming move to L.A. would include a friendly donation to Katie and Tom’s local church reportedly said, “There’s no way I’d spend any money on that nonsense.”

All faith in Posh aside, we have to say we’re worried about some of Hollywood’s other vulnerable souls. Here are our picks for those most likely to pick up a pamphlet on The Way to Happiness. Who would you red flag?

  • Britney Spears: She’s done Kabbalah, lesbianism, housewifery and has just reportedly checked into rehab — this life goals list has to eventually hit on Scientology.
  • Cameron Diaz: She’s gone totally bonkers post-split with Justin, and likes to talk a lot about how if she wanted to be married with children by now she would be. Prime candidate for auditing.
  • Ryan Phillippe: After living the young-hot-and-in-Hollywood life years after he should have, Ryan will experience an early midlife crisis when he realizes he’s lost the family he always had but didn’t know he wanted. Hubbard-style paranoid delusions will be there when the nights get long and dark.

Previous Next Latest

Comments

Sprock | 2/16/2007, 6:58 pm EST

Aliens. They are all aliens.

Tim Hardaway | 2/16/2007, 7:48 pm EST

Cruise exhibits all the signs of a classic case of untreated bipolar disorder. He’s sheltered from any knowledge of it by his entourage of kiss-ass hangers-on. Besides, South Park revealed what scientologists have to pay hundreds of thousands of $ to find out. Those who can’t pay become indebted to the “church” through a lifetime of wage slave labor. The “church” is the emperor with no clothes.

Did I miss something, or was Isaac Hayes some sort of sensitive crusader for religious tolerance before Parker and Stone decided to go after his religion? Oh wait, he put up with the the satire of all other religions but couldn’t take it like a man when they went after his.

Scientology deserves all these spoiled, flaky celebrities and they all deserve scientology.

Sue me!

Rory | 2/16/2007, 8:47 pm EST

Slow news day, eh?

Hubbard smokes cock | 2/16/2007, 8:48 pm EST

Rory – what OT level are you?

Jerk Bosses | 2/16/2007, 9:07 pm EST

Scientology is just another means of picking victim’s financial pockets of hard earned money.
http://www.jerkbossesihavekno wn.com

Aaron | 2/16/2007, 9:27 pm EST

You people obviously have no idea what Scientology is or what it does.
If you want to know about Scientology, go to a bookstore and buy a book on it by the man who spent his entire life developing it.
And by the way people will usually try to make fun of things they are either afraid of or don’t understand.

Anonymous | 2/16/2007, 9:45 pm EST

I, too, encourage people to read Mr. Hubbard’s writings. When I read “Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought,” that’s when I knew for sure that it’s all about mind control. If you are curious about Scientology, READ THE BOOKS FIRST before you agree to be audited. You deserve to know exactly what you are about to do to your brain.

OT up the nose | 2/16/2007, 9:55 pm EST

Check out the Operation Clambake website for real information or check-out your brain at the Scientology door.

lik roper | 2/16/2007, 10:09 pm EST

tesla’s energy experiments at the start of the 1900s ripped holes between dimensions, an this let in countless souls who had been previously cast out of this dimension and WWI began shortly thereafter…

those souls then manifested themselves within humans through soul transfers and/or re/incarnations, causing a chain reaction of events which led to the creation of the ‘permanent war economy’ shortly after WWII etc…

george bush is likely one of those cast out souls who slipped back into this dimensional reality to wreak havoc once again…

AJ | 2/16/2007, 10:11 pm EST

I agree with you, Anonymous. I’ve been reading “Scientology: A New Slant On Life” and it is chock full of manipulative BS. Hubbard’s writing is the best evidence that Scn is nonsense that I’ve ever come across.

Please, folks, if you’re interested in Scn, check out http://www.xenu.net before you go to an org. Be smart enough to at least be an informed consumer before buying their crap.

And hey, BTW, AARON, very well done on spewing the usual CoS-scripted BS about people not understanding Scn. But you’re wrong; people outside your church know a helluva lot more about Hubbard/Scn and even the church, than you do. Don’t believe me? Go to xenu.net and practice your confront skills. Hubbard said you should be able to experience everything easily, didn’t he? Then why does your church tell you to avoid entheta? Isn’t that a contradiction? THINK ABOUT IT. PLEASE.

lik roper | 2/16/2007, 10:16 pm EST

with the human race facing a possible self-imposed extinction from religous differences, it is best that everyone just allow everyone else to let their freak flags fly high in the wind cuz that’s that way jimi hendrix would have wanted it or something…

lik roper | 2/16/2007, 10:17 pm EST

all rivers lead to the sea…

Harlequin | 2/16/2007, 10:23 pm EST

If you want a real good laugh, read hubbards a History of man (What to Audit). It is based on a factual account according to LRH’s own research methods of giving amphetamines to his son LRH Jr and letting the bioy ramble on whacked out of his gord on speed. Like many materials of Hubbard, RTC has been altering and omitting a fair amount of the original works to try cover up just how batshit crazy hubbard was. Piltdown man anyone? I AM NOT A CLAM!

Hubbard smokes cock sloppily | 2/16/2007, 10:35 pm EST

Hubbard did a sex magic ritual with Jack Parsons

Dude | 2/16/2007, 11:04 pm EST

What is the difference between making fun of Scientology and making fun of Islam, Christianity, or any other religion? The doctrines in most religions seem just as improbable to non-members as Scientology’s.

Hubbard smokes cock sloppily | 2/16/2007, 11:11 pm EST

Tons, Scientology is not a religion. It is a scam made up by a paranoid conman

JD | 2/16/2007, 11:40 pm EST

Hubbard was a douchebag.

The Gibson | 2/17/2007, 12:17 am EST

I find it hard to beleive that Scientology has people following it, and so many people… come to think of it, I don’t. People are dirty, stupid scum, and I include myself in that category.

L. Ron Hubbard can kiss my pasty white ass.

SpaceCootie | 2/17/2007, 1:22 am EST

Most rank-and-file Scientologists don’t know they’re infested with the souls of dead space aliens, nuked in volcanoes 75,000,000 years ago by the evil galactic emperor Xenu.

Those secrets are saved for the faithful who have spent more than a hundred grand on Scientology services, and are considered trustworthy enough not to run out screaming when they find out about it.

None of that stuff is available in the books that members always tell us to read, but you can find the truth about Scientology by Googling Xenu.

Lower level members are told they will die of pneumonia or go insane if they’re exposed to the secrets without being prepared. Wonder why all the people who saw the South Park episode didn’t die en masse?

coemgen | 2/17/2007, 2:20 am EST

I love how Scientologists have you pay a crap load of money to get to the next level of their creepy religion.

Yeah. That sounds spiritual.

Adam | 2/17/2007, 3:47 am EST

Aaron-
if people are ‘afraid’ of Scientology,it’s with good reason!it’s because they have seen what has happened to the people who are brainwashed into handing over tons of money or disconnecting from their families in order to serve the ‘church’s’ goals.
or thye have seen what happened to lisa mcpherson,stacy moxon,or countless others who died at the hands of your church.
and then theres all the scary things scientology has done to try to silence it’s critics.
Aaron,it’s time to get wise and jump off the bridge to total enslavement.

jess | 2/17/2007, 6:26 am EST

I will always adore Tom Cruise. Fuck FU scientology, FU Chritianity, FU Muslism and Mormons, and Kabbalists… all cults are stupid

Gary Peterson | 2/17/2007, 9:31 am EST

My ex-wife and I paid the money and took L. Ron’s Save Your Marriage Course and then promptly got divorced.

Scientology is the biggest scam since G.W. Bush.

If someone tells you to “search no further, the answers have been found,” run like hell.

Gary Peterson

Belmont, CA

PS To answer L. Cohen’s famous question: “Did I ever go clear?,” No I just got the hell away from Scientology as fast as I could instead.

Love you anyway, Leonard; you’re da bomb.

Sprock | 2/17/2007, 9:38 am EST

I find it all so mystical and enchanting! It makes me want to twirl while chanting in an ancient alien language. Shouldn’t science be involved with Scientology?

lik roper is a idiot | 2/17/2007, 12:12 pm EST

Its a giant tax shelter for rich celebs.

yeaaaaaaastan | 2/17/2007, 12:41 pm EST

replace the word “aliens” with “God” and change “engrams” with “spirits” and you basically have chritianity/judaism/islam. I’m catholic and i believe mary didn’t have sex, but got pregnant.

if people wanna believe that giving money to a faceless oligarchy of religious elders who read science fiction will give them salvation, I say “what’s the difference”

coemgen | 2/17/2007, 1:02 pm EST

yeaaaaaaastan, it’s not that easy. We’re talking three faiths with historical legitimacy verses a cult dreamed up by a science fiction writer. Christ talked about selling all your possessions and helping the poor. L. Ron Hubbard said the best way to make money is to start a religion.
You can’t even begin to compare the two.

lucy | 2/17/2007, 2:06 pm EST

Thanks Rolling Stone for reporting the truth!! Scientology is a scam. Unfortunately I had to participate to realize … so from first hand experience, stay away anyone thinking about entering this inidious power hungry cult it is a major “global” scam (thanks to south park for exposing that truth as well!. Hang on to your $$$ and your mind, otherwise Scienotology will be sure to rip ya off royally from the inside out!

Mr. Peepers | 2/17/2007, 3:10 pm EST

Scientology chicks are CREEPY. Ever notice they always walk in pairs?

Anonymous | 2/17/2007, 3:23 pm EST

The problem isn’t that Scientology charges for auditing sessions. It’s that that they don’t truthfully disclose what auditing really is. Make no mistake about what “clearing the reactive mind via auditing” actually means:

Clearing = cleansing = washing

Reactive mind = subconscious = half your brain function

Auditing = method processing techniques = hypnosis

Clearing the reactive mind via auditing = Brainwashing via hypnosis

In truth, hypnotherapy can be very effective for modifying behavior, emotional content, and attitudes, as well as conditions such as obesity, substance abuse, pain, ego, anxiety, stress, amnesia, phobias, and matters of performance. But if you want to do that, GO TO A PROFESSIONAL. Don’t place your mind in the hands of amateurs who don’t even recognize the degree to which they themselves operate under hypnotic suggestion. They sincerely do not understand the real agenda behind what they are doing. Don’t be fooled by the “feel good” stories that auditing can produce. The real price that you will eventually pay for getting hooked on auditing is not worth it.

lik roper | 2/17/2007, 4:13 pm EST

!toidi na ton si repor kil

Bloc Party? | 2/17/2007, 4:31 pm EST

Rolling Stone, how about instead of talking celebrities and some bogus “religion” you review the new BLoc Party album? Aren´t you supposed to be a music magazine.

You have a poll question about best album of the year so far…Bloc Party is one choice and another(the Shins) is an album you got the name of wrong when the review was posted!! Get your shit together…if I wanted celebrity news I´d tune in to E!

Come On!!!

Artoo 45 | 2/17/2007, 4:41 pm EST

Aaron, how can you call yourself a thinking person and defend “A History of Man”? It’s without peer in the Really Stupid Book Hall of Fame. It lurches unsteadily from stupefyingly dull and gramatically poor, to side-splitting hilarity as you read throught the “history of your last 65 trillion years”. I defy anyone to read this book and then think “hey, that sounds like fine scientific research, sign me up!”

Tevin | 2/17/2007, 6:20 pm EST

To say believing in Scientology is just as valid as believing in Christianity is sort of jumping the gun. Christianity’s foundation, the Bible, has withstood the test of time. Regardless if you believe it or not, it stands up to historical scrutiny. (e.g., everyone agrees Jesus existed and was crucified, the rulers, places, dates, hold up). As far as the miracles, that’s a matter of faith and you can’t really debate faith. The same goes for Judaism and Islam, both religions are deeply rooted in historical fact.

The worst parts of the aforementioned religions, such as televangelists or extremist terrorists, are the only ways you can compare them to Scientology. What they have in common is people manipulating a large group for their own advantage. I don’t think Scientology would’ve stood the test of time in centuries past but, in our day of political correctness, we have to accept them in fear of being called bigots. There is a difference between being a bigot and a rational person.

At their best, Judaism, Christianity and Islam are beautiful religions and teach wonderful things; they encourage self-sacrifice and helping others. Scientology, on the other hand, is all about “me, me, me”.

I believe there is a Divine Creator, and I don’t think His purpose for us is to make money and harass those who believe differently than us. I think the “meaning of life”, as it were, is to live in this world together and love each other as best as possible. I don’t think loving each other includes law suits, intimidation and clandestine business practices.

I don’t want to put anyone off, I just wanted to offer my two cents.

Sprock | 2/17/2007, 7:15 pm EST

Just a tad long-winded…

Wendle | 2/17/2007, 8:30 pm EST

ReligionNewsBlog.com documents the antics of Scientologists.

People who understand what Scientology is stay far away from it. L. Ron Hubbard was a fiction writer who could not separate truth from fiction. His followers have the same problem.

Anonymous | 2/17/2007, 8:54 pm EST

All organized religions are bogus. It’s just that being a Scientologist costs more than being a Christian, Muslim or Jewish.

Voice of Reason | 2/17/2007, 9:31 pm EST

Scientologist are financing the Muslims.

gil finn | 2/18/2007, 3:15 am EST

a giant tax shelter for celebs? maybe? but is also one of the most destructive things a celeb could do to their career and reputation. i mean really.. look a tom. oh yeah, scn has definitly done a number on his name.

i mean why not pick a church thats more socially accepted if your just looking for a tax shelter? hmm?

Mr. Peepers | 2/18/2007, 1:31 pm EST

Their “auditing” is based on the concert of the mood ring.

Kash | 2/18/2007, 3:16 pm EST

All I have to say is this:

L. Ron Hubbard was an overrated science fiction author who obtained a fake Ph.D from a degree mill, failed at marriage(s), kidnapped his own children, and brought about one of the best lies of the second half of the twentieth century. Scientology is absolute BUNK that uses governmental loopholes to protect the assets of its members. A shameful ruse of a religion that makes me question the motives of humanity in general. Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones.

lik roper | 2/18/2007, 3:25 pm EST

Hey Tevin, that was more like 20 or 30 cents, dude…

lik roper | 2/18/2007, 3:30 pm EST

i have to come clean; i have been rather guilty lately of pulling a peter ragone by posting fake blog names blog such as ‘juevos rancheros’ and ‘copious’ ect…i don’t know how many fake names i have used…who knows; maybe i should seek help or something…help in thinking up other funny blog names…

David Miscavige sucks cock too | 2/18/2007, 8:09 pm EST

$cientolgy is a criminal organization! $cientology’s leader, David Miscavige, has been reported to BEAT THE HOLY CRAP out senior members of $cientology management on numerous occasions!

Go to the messageboard at http://www.xenu.net and read what ex-members are saying about Tom Cruise’s best friend David Miscavige.

Josh | 2/19/2007, 2:02 am EST

It’s a scam, why do you think celebrities endorse it?

Patrick | 2/19/2007, 7:04 am EST

I am an actual scientist (biotechnologist if you must know) and I have been to the scientology website and worked through its crap and trust me this claptrap has nothing to do with science, anyone who in the 21st century still needs the soceital super-ego of religeon is going nowhere fast. Make your own decisions and opinions, I do and it’s the business. Oh and please don’t the silly comparison between science and religeon, there isn’t one

Patrick | 2/19/2007, 7:05 am EST

In my last line there should be a make between ‘don’t’ and ‘the’

HappyDude | 2/19/2007, 9:02 am EST

I’m still flabbergasted at how many celebrities are dumb enough to believe this stuff (well, maybe they don’t and are just taking advantage of the tax shelter). It just boggles the mind that anyone could believe this stuff if they know the history of L. Ron Hubbard.

MarkArrow | 2/19/2007, 9:57 am EST

Some very true things:

A) Scientology is a pyramid scheme. You pay your money, someone lets into the next level. It is based on exclusion and desire. Basically, the cool kids in the cafeteria have a secret and if you give them your lunch money, they may or may not let you in. Oh yeah, aliens are involved.

B) Tom Cruise is not an actor, he is a movie star. They are two totally different occupations. Some movie stars are actors. For example Gibson’s Hamlet passed muster, but when you watch Cruise you can never get past the fact that it is Cruise. Watching Cruise is watching somebody pretend they are acting. This guy couldn’t handle playing the Cop in an eighth grade production of Our Town.

C) Money buys you credibility. I am working on getting credibility.

D) Compared to the treasures hidden in the Vatican over the past thousand years, Scientology is a paper route on the last street in the county.The only thing giving Scientology credibility is the money they earn from lost souls.

E) Stationed in Germany in 1975, my friends and I started a new religion. It is called the First Church of Somebody Up There Likes Us. Our theme was Chant of the Ever Cicling Skeletal Family by Bowie (Diamond Dogs) and our sacrament was a quarter pound block of Afghan hash and great tasting, more filling, German Beer. I assure your we learned more from this than Scientology could ever hope to teach you.

Teef | 2/19/2007, 10:04 am EST

Scinetology is nothing more than a way for self-important d-bags to make themselves seem special by claiming that they are aliens.

Chuck | 2/19/2007, 10:33 am EST

You people just dont get it….don’t you understand that true believers can perform such miracles as healing themselves and others of cancer, the ability to fly, travel through time, read minds etc. They are better than you and I, they exist on a higher plane…they pity us.

(Why does disease still kill millions of people and why does war still exist and why do we never see Tom Cruise flying around? I don’t know but I know L.Ron Hubbard say’s it’s so)

Patrick | 2/19/2007, 10:43 am EST

In Ireland we do not have the word ‘douche,’ what dows it mean. In french it means shower

fitzbath | 2/19/2007, 11:49 am EST

I am the Lord your God…You shall have no other gods before me..
NUFF SAID

G.R.I.T.S. | 2/19/2007, 1:15 pm EST

The whole thing is just so the celebrities can say they believe in something most people don’t, to make them feel even better of themselves. They do it to be different, that’s it!! (I don’t think britney spears could do any thing else to be ‘different’.)

G.R.I.T.S. | 2/19/2007, 1:17 pm EST

Oh yeah!! Patrick go to urbandictionary.com and look the word up, then you’ll know.

James | 2/19/2007, 2:39 pm EST

OK, I hope you all follow my advice and actually check this out. Go to http://www.newgrounds.com there you need to put this in the search bar: yaafm This is the abbreviation to a very funny flash cartoon called, You Are A Fucking Moron. Once the search comes up, find the episode about Scientology. Open it, sit back, and prepare to laugh your asses off. The real funny thing is that there isn’t a single misquote in the whole thing.

Boner | 2/19/2007, 3:51 pm EST

Watch my balls……please.

curefreak | 2/19/2007, 5:28 pm EST

theres really not that many celebrities that are scientologists i would say less than five,
so its not like there really taking over hollywood or anything(they are trying tho) i believe most people in hollywood have a healthy cynism of any religion.

Katie Katie Bo Batie | 2/19/2007, 7:36 pm EST

okay, so I think its just for publicity (you’d think they’d get enough of it).

Kilgore Trout | 2/19/2007, 7:46 pm EST

I don’t understand how a “religion” created by a science fiction writer can be so popular. Then again, Jesus did some pretty spacey shit.

jimmy | 2/19/2007, 8:32 pm EST

your arm could be broken and the bone could be sticking out…and a scientologist still wouldnt let you see a doctor. its too bad these people dont mutilate themselves in the name of Xenu and just bleed out.

23 | 2/19/2007, 8:40 pm EST

What does Michael Jordan James Carrey, Jordana Brewster, Al Gore, Jane Fonda and the Muppets have in common?…”The Number 23″ a delite..full film about nothing… Jimmy is a “Donnie Darko Wanna Be” he’s like the missing Spice Girl… Ginger. I hope that Tom Cruise is a happy. But he’s married to Scientology and Katie is just a toy for his bloated ego. That’s why he should see Donnie Darko, cuz it could teach him much!

Freud N' Friends | 2/19/2007, 9:06 pm EST

If “auditing” “works” so well… why don’t you see quadraplegic people do it?… Or the “blind”… Yet Tom Cruise is supposed to be so “smart” when he’s been flooded with ignorance… Scientology disagree’s with giving mentally disabled people “meds” for their behavoir problems… But the problem is you never see Tom Cruise or any Celeb like Jason Lee in a group home working and “gettting to know” people who they want to “take drugs away from”. Thats thier concept of “Human Rights”. To pry into other people’s business. Tom doesn’t have a child with ADHD or Autism. So he’s going on a power-trip. On subjects he knows nothing about!

jojo | 2/19/2007, 10:20 pm EST

Im a catolic but reading some writing about scientology makes me want to be them. I think its a fair religion or whatever you call it. Every religion in the whole world has its strange costums so why not scientology. The catholics have stranger costums than them. Go Scientology!

Hubbard is a conman | 2/19/2007, 11:54 pm EST

Google “Project Celebrity” and see how nefarious the recruitment tactics are. There is a scanned document online that will be quite enlightening…

zorro | 2/20/2007, 3:20 am EST

c’est une arnaque
it is a scam ,basta

mikeky | 2/20/2007, 10:02 am EST

oh, for Chrissakes, why can’t you just tell the truth? it’s a CULT. a CULT. drinking kool-aid, worshipping aliens, bug-eyed pod CULT. call a spade a spade for once. stop tiptoeing around it and call it what it is: an effing cult. so tom cruise won’t give you an interview, rolling stone. FINE. FUCK HIM. he’s in a cult. NEXT.

wrecksracer | 2/20/2007, 11:57 am EST

Wait a second…..I thought L. Ron Hubbard was a SCIENCE FICTION author……..

Chuck | 2/21/2007, 3:45 pm EST

and a hack one at that!

Terryeo | 3/11/2007, 1:26 pm EST

The article’s first paragraph states: “discover your inner thetan”. It is unfortunate an author isn’t able to understand and use words appropriate to their meaning. Even Wikipedia’s thetan article would inform an author of how to use the word, “thetan” in a sentence.

Sciontolo-Christ | 5/6/2008, 3:38 am EST

Of all the “cults” out there, at least the big three don’t blatantly charge their flock for “enlightenment.” Instilling a lifetime of fear of a “mysterious, higher power” is payment enough.

Besides the fact that Scientology brainwashes and mind-controls idiots, as a concept, it’s so poorly organized that it’s laughable. It’s like a compulsive liar that continually makes up excuses for itself and gets lost in the delusion of its self-importance.

Give me $100,000, and I’ll tell immediately tell you that you’re an idiot, and spare you the foreplay. No aliens involved– unless you’re into a group package of Kool Aid and Tennis shoes.

Post A Comment

Caution: Off-topic comments will be deleted

Name:

Comments:



Advertisement

Advertisement