We are still recovering from our exposure to Katrina, a gloriously deluded young woman who appeared on the Dr. Phil show to discuss her (totally fabricated) relationship with Jay-Z. “To me, I am Beyonce,” she explained. “I am every man’s dream. I’m accomplishing it by just looking in the mirror and saying, ‘Jay-Z’s going to be my man.’” Right. And now we have this suspiciously overzealous Life & Style magazine “stringer” who posted her John Mayer/Jessica Simpson stalker diary online. Listening to Katrina go on and on about how she’s gonna tear Beyonce’s weave out is alarming, but reading Mari’s painfully self-important account of her hardcore spy skills (which involve sophisticated moves like interrogating hotel staff and hiding behind planters) reveals an entirely new level of insanity. After tracking Mayer and Simpson to their hotel bar, she actually writes the line, “My Corona now tastes like success.” Guys: You are in too deep.
For some of you obsessives there may still be hope. Any of our stalker warning signs apply to you? If so, seek help. But first, tell us about yourself. What other stalker-indicating behaviors should we look out for?
- Your ring tone is “Every Breath You Take.”
- Somewhere a white stretch limo breaks down and your Corolla rear-ends it.
- You’ve started using your collection of restraining orders as kindling for fires you light to keep your love bunker warm.
- You’re filling out an application at Jamba Juice and under previous employment you reflexively put “stalker.”
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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.
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