
In addition to thinking up creative ways of keeping his brethren at home, Ozzy Osbourne is apparently attempting to undo some of the damage he’s done with his music. Osbourne, whose literally deafening brand of rock has been bursting ear drums since 1969, was scheduled to appear yesterday at an NFL charity event at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida to distribute $1 million worth of hearing aids to children in need. We were so moved by Ozzy’s desire to contribute to world hearing rather than detract from it, that we thought we’d suggest a few other acts of atonement other artist should consider.
- Keith Richards/Pete Doherty/Courtney Love/Any Other Drug Abusing Rocker should found a rehab clinic.
- Morrissey should buy lapdances for all the sensitive, celibate boys he inspired/crippled.
- Marilyn Manson should found a bible study camp, donate to the Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse.
- Brandon Flowers should launch an emo record label.

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