It’s becoming more and more obvious that much of the 2008 election will be fought online. And more and more obvious that not a single candidate for president knows what that means.

Call it YouTube-in-mouth disease.

Hillary Clinton did it last week with her “What do I know about bad and evil men” line. It probably cost George Allen and, before him, possibly Howard Dean elections. And now Joe Biden is the latest to at least temporarily derail his own campaign by saying something completely idiotic — on the same day as his presidential coming-out party, no less. (This isn’t new for Biden, of course, who has a history of bragging that he comes from a “former slave state” and famously said last summer, “You can’t go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking!”)

It’s not that politicians didn’t shoot themselves in the foot in the days before the Internet; they of course could afford to be less guarded (meaning that the days of people like LBJ exposing his Little Johnson to reporters are long gone — sad, really). It’s just that their gaffes didn’t have the same instantaneous reach — and repeat-play staying power — as they do in the age of embedded video.

We’re not suggesting that anyone start feeling sorry for these politicians. By choosing to appear “with it” by launching their campaigns through their Web sites, these out-of-touch senior statespeople have made their high-tech bed, and now they have to squirm in it. But if you’re going to insist on pandering to the young voters of America, presidential class of ‘08, we’re going to have to ask you to follow a few simple rules:

1. Stop feeding us fakes. Just because the Web allows you to pre-record and air a video of your thoroughly staged so-called “Web chat” doesn’t mean you should. The Web is interactive, like the town-hall meetings you’re so fond of trumpeting, meaning that anybody out there can throw a question your way — so not all of them can be softballs like “What’s your favorite movie?” Show you respect for the technology by at least displaying a modicum of honesty and answering some tough questions in real-time.
2. Pick your platform wisely. We’re all for candidates using their Web sites as a campaign headquarters to get out their message more effectively. And obviously you’ll want to promote your site through advertising, just as you do with your campaign in the real world. But trying to develop a presence for yourself on social networking sites like MySpace or Facebook (see Hillary’s) is a little bit weird. The oldsters on these sites show up on To Catch a Predator, not CNN.
3. Watch what you say. Whine about standards and values all you want, but the truth is that the further democratization of the spread of information is by its very nature an inherently good thing (unless the entire basis for our system of government is flawed…yeah, let’s go with the first idea). And one big consequence of that freedom, along with the advances in personal reporting technology, is that for all intents and purposes, everything you mutter under your breath quite literally becomes part of the public record. So try not to be such an idiot if you can help it.
4. …but give us some humanity, please. There’s an obvious trend this campaign season to dispense with personality and charisma in order to toe a linguistic party line set down by consultants. (Again, see Hillary.) And after the right-out-of-the-gate stumbles we’ve seen from some candidates this round, we can’t really blame you. But when you all spout the same tired rhetoric and meaningless buzzwords, you lose any ability to set yourself apart from the rest of the pack — and we can watch you and your opponents’ videos back-to-back on YouTube to prove it. If you’re anyone but the frontrunner, that’s your clue to start writing that concession speech. The American voter more often than not pulls the lever for personality over issues. If you’re not giving us any, you’re not getting votes.
5. When you screw up, face up. Joe Biden had the right idea by using a previously scheduled appearance on the Daily Show last night to try to atone for his words. (Unfortunately he didn’t quite help his cause by pulling the old racist-in-denial trick of listing off all his black friends, but that’s another story.) It goes back to personality: We know you’re human…at least we’d like to believe you are. When cameras are on you 24-7, we expect you to make a mistake here or there. We’d prefer it not involve comments that could be considered disparaging to an entire race of historically oppressed people, but hey, if it happens, by all means apologize for it, feign at attempt at atonement, and move on with the rest of your campaign. And remember: Kucinich would KILL for this kind of TV time.