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You Tell Us What Britney Needs

1/31/07, 4:41 pm EST

Britney Spears

We can’t decide how we feel of this new bonkers Britney. One minute she’s showing us a side of herself we don’t need to see, and the next she’s thrilling us with the news that she might be working with the Pet Shop Boys on her new album. The singer reportedly heard remixes of Madonna songs produced by the legendary synth-pop group, loved what she heard and decided she’d like to hire them to work on her forthcoming comeback album.

Even Donald Trump knows Britney’s next album has to be absurdly good if it’s to rescue her from a life lived as America’s trailer park princess. Can the Pet Shop Boys help her get there? Who else should she hire to produce a new track or two? (Anyone but Timbaland?)


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Comments

DELACORADO | 10/20/2008, 10:28 am EST

Sorry - Minogue, my mistake. BTW, don’t forget Madonna or Elton John they worked with too.
But… anyway to make a great song with the likes of Britney is like to milk the bull.

DELACORADO | 10/20/2008, 9:57 am EST

Are you kidding? Pet Shop Boys collaborated with sucha artists like David Bowie, Kylie Minogus, Tina Turner or The Killers. They’ve turned Britney’s offer down and said something like: “We’re working just with artists that we appreciate. Britney is a pathetic singer; we don’t like any record of her.” Bravo bravissimo Boys, I’m proud of being your fan!

Allen | 3/27/2007, 1:46 am EST

I know - work in a factory where they make underwear and get your own douchbag. You smell like urine people say.

Sharon Osbourne | 3/27/2007, 1:33 am EST

I want to hear about real musicians not a crapper like her. She needs to disappear and do some corn picking back on her swamp roots.

Tom Cruise | 3/27/2007, 1:31 am EST

Scientology wants you. You are crazy enough now. Bring the kids along for experiments and Kfed for torture.

charliemapleton | 2/1/2007, 7:23 pm EST

We’ve seen her in some videos where she’s accustomed to getting wet-cavorting in holy water this time should be a good idea.Besides Brit,it saves.

Fred | 2/1/2007, 6:11 pm EST

Britney Spears needs to have Michael Jackson produce her next album, then marry him, have his children, have R. Kelly pee on her on live TV and then disappear completely from the public eye. Then she can return during the apocolypse and rule Hell on Earth with Satan.

Josh H | 2/1/2007, 2:33 pm EST

Pet Shop Boys would be the best decision of her career.

Random Guy w/ Tooth Decay | 2/1/2007, 2:21 pm EST

Most seem to agree: get in shape, clean up the image, hire a stylist, go on media blitz to dissociate self from current behavior (e.g., “I was terribly confused and lost at the time, but I’m me again, now”), and make a damn good album, free of self-references and victimization.

Victor | 2/1/2007, 1:11 pm EST

What about Gnarls Barkley?

David | 2/1/2007, 1:04 pm EST

She should quit music entirely, get out of the public eye, get her ass in shape, and just become a pornstar. Let’s face it, it’s the only thing about her that we have ever been interested in from the get go. She’s around because when she is in shape, she looks hot. So why not start doing XXX movies for a living? Then, her trashiness would at least be normal! Not to mention we wouldn’t have to sit through her crappy music. It would be a lot more honest than anything she has ever done before!

Franky Goes To Holyoke | 2/1/2007, 12:50 pm EST

I think Rick Ruben and maybe he can weave some panties for her out of his beard.

Poindexter | 2/1/2007, 12:49 pm EST

I’m not a fan. That said, Britney needs to disappear from the public eye, clean up her act, and concentrate on her kids and making a descent album. No more hanging out with that leach Paris Hilton.

THX-1138 | 2/1/2007, 12:18 pm EST

How about fall off the face of the earth so we’ll never see or hear from that podunk bumfuck no-talent starfucking fevered ego and make pressroom for artists who actually have, oh I don’t know, a VISION?!

Devin D. | 2/1/2007, 12:00 pm EST

with the hottest people in music at her disposal for this album, i think the only she needs to fcous on is an image. Getting back in shape and finding a proper image to portray to her fans is important. Honestly that is the only thing she has been lacking, she hasn’t been looking her best and that seems to be all america is concerned with, shame on us…

FG | 2/1/2007, 11:23 am EST

What have I… What have I… What have I done to deserve this?

Douglas E Fresh | 2/1/2007, 10:28 am EST

KILL HERSELF

Anonymous | 2/1/2007, 10:24 am EST

When will this girl hang it the fuck up already?! Pop is dead (or at least should be) Of course her white-trashyness is most entertaining, but her carreer? You are no Madonna…And never will be.

Jodi | 2/1/2007, 10:08 am EST

This is pathetic!!..The girl hasn’t made a move in the past month, haven’t heard one word about her. She’s obviously trying to better herself and still can’t catch a break!!..Dang, I’m glad in my life peopel are NOT so judgemental about me and having given me more than a few chances. Can only imagine what it must be like in the public eye. I could name almose every artist in the business and some things they have done and NO ONE has ever been so torn apart. WOW, you people must be saints..And do you see pic of the girl SHE IS NOT FAT!!!..

nick | 2/1/2007, 8:51 am EST

Maybe…

-Find a band
-learn to play the harmonica
-Cover “Nobody’s Fault But Mine” of Led Zeppelin’s take on Blind Willie Johnson original song
-And maybe get Jimmy Page to produce it, after all he did work with Diddy or whatever.

Probably asking way too much and would probably tarnish the blues and the Led Zeppelin catalogue, but it might turn out alright…if it was just this one.

Linh | 2/1/2007, 6:04 am EST

Agree with a viewer here that she doesn’t deserve to be helped by the pop legends. She simply is a girl with NO TALENT. ONLY SCANDALS can keep her in the limelight. So she’d better continue with her own scandalous life.

lasgames | 2/1/2007, 5:47 am EST

so one has been going to another has been for help? when did the last time pet shop boys had a hit? stay away from fried foods brit its messing up your decision making.

Hunter | 2/1/2007, 3:48 am EST

Saul Williams, Trent Reznor and Danger Mouse.

Lydia tennant | 2/1/2007, 3:42 am EST

Lydia tennant | 2/1/2007, 3:42 am EST

check out pet shop boys official site, they just denied LOL

britney pathetic like always and saying lies to get attention.

www.petshopboys.co .uk

PET SHOP BOYS NEVER WILL WORK WITH SOMEONE LIKE HER, NEVER!!!!!!!!

BushCrimeFamily | 2/1/2007, 1:56 am EST

Just go away.

Nick | 2/1/2007, 1:04 am EST

I love you Britney!

J.S. Wildhack | 2/1/2007, 12:40 am EST

Britney Spears + Dillinger Escape Plan.

Just think about it.

Julius | 2/1/2007, 12:27 am EST

Pet Shop Boys sounds like an awesome idea.. I think it could be good. Taking anything from Madonna is always a good thing if she wants to bring her career back. Royksopp would be an ace selection.. but I doubt the two would ever come in contact. ha

Zach | 1/31/2007, 11:34 pm EST

And to you my rancid friend, monkeys are really awesome. I mean, look at Micheal Jackson. He got a monkey, and now he is on top of the world. VIVA LA MONKEYS!!!!!!!!

Zach | 1/31/2007, 11:29 pm EST

She needs a good beating by Chuck Norris. It will beat some sense into her. It will beat so much sense into her that she will start actually wearing underwear. And then Chuck Norris will want to do her, so she will obilge and take her underwear off. And then she will become a scientologist and both her and Tom Cruise will make scientology the official religion of England.

Rancid Planet | 1/31/2007, 11:03 pm EST

She needs Phil Collins on drums…and a pet monkey…people love monkies…sexy monkies.

Den | 1/31/2007, 10:21 pm EST

How bout… not making a new album?

PeteR | 1/31/2007, 10:16 pm EST

Prince. She needs Prince. Real bad. So bad. Prince made us think every chick near him was hot just because she was near him (Appolonia, Vanity, Carmen Elektra, Sheena Easton, etc.). That was back in the day. I think they should both seize the opportunity. An old-school Prince-and-a-chick song. But with Britney as the girl.
Then maybe a ballad with Sheryl Crow.

Anonymous | 1/31/2007, 10:14 pm EST

how about keep your panties on and raise & she raise her kids

G Vox | 1/31/2007, 9:47 pm EST

Mutt Lange makes everybody shine, but I doubt he’d do it.

Ouroboros | 1/31/2007, 9:31 pm EST

Just let the Pet Shop Boys produce the complete album. That’s the only possible way that I’ll ever buy a record from her.

Alec | 1/31/2007, 9:30 pm EST

If she just makes good dance music, she’ll be fine. If she sings a ballad, I think people will laugh. Who produces good dance music?

Ryan | 1/31/2007, 9:25 pm EST

If Brits worked with PSB, their fan base alone would get the ball rolling, not to mention that they were pining to produce Madonna in the 80s and would probably master the opportunity to do it now with Brit (Madonna part2 - hopefully)

cody | 1/31/2007, 9:24 pm EST

who cares? the pet shop boys suck too

Anonymous | 1/31/2007, 9:13 pm EST

she is insane and needs a doctor

BohemianRevenge | 1/31/2007, 8:53 pm EST

She sucks. Even her old stuff was crappy. Honestly, who’s going to want to listen to stuff like “Oops! I Did It Again” when it becomes “oldies”? No one. They’ll curse the people who produced her then and will cure who ever works with her now. She’s just a publicity ho.

Bangers-n-mash | 1/31/2007, 8:51 pm EST

Britney Spears + Brian Eno = Heaven

nico1138 | 1/31/2007, 8:34 pm EST

Always hate her, but now that she´s fat and slutty, I think she´s kinnda hot.

Skullfreak | 1/31/2007, 8:00 pm EST

Give it 2 years and she’ll be doing porn….

KrabbyPatty | 1/31/2007, 7:44 pm EST

I say that she sticks with a production team in her league. You know, like the people behind Milli Vanilli, or even a bucket of marbles dropped onto the keyboards, drum machines, and mixing board. Those both sound pretty nice for her, wouldn’t you agree?

KrabbyPatty | 1/31/2007, 7:41 pm EST

The comment about Britney wanting to take a new direction and list of producers which followed (i.e. Brian Eno, David Bowie, etc.) struck me humorously. Here’s the rub to that suggestion: If Britney did her cute lil’ research and even by God’s good grace discovered Brian Eno (I say by god’s good grace because Brian Eno produces and creates great music and Spears does every thing in her power to stay away from all things musically decent), there would be no chance in HELL that Brian Eno would produce an album for her, both for her sake and his integrity. Yeah,she could take a new direction towards production with Eno, but she would hit a big fucking brick wall on the way.

Jeff | 1/31/2007, 7:25 pm EST

While the Pet Shop Boys did have a startlingly good 80’s and 90’s career, I’d hardly call their work relevanty nowadays. Their music trailed off into obscurity and quickly became defined by the decades from which they were from. Couple that with a pop star who has became dated like a grade-C stamp on the forehead and I believe the results will be a snazzy album whch everyone will forget about 30-60 minutes after they first hear it. A cool remix does not a good song make, so I would hesistate.

Jmanx | 1/31/2007, 7:01 pm EST

The answer is the Neprtunes, if anyone can save a career or create a big hit, it’s the neptunes.

Jon | 1/31/2007, 6:48 pm EST

like my grandfather used to say, “you can’t save a sinking ship.”

trashtastic | 1/31/2007, 6:42 pm EST

40 miles of bad road.

Dr. Electric | 1/31/2007, 6:27 pm EST

Britney’s always been something of a blank slate for producers, promoters and the public to project whatever the hell they wanted onto. With this kind of malleability, working with producers who have their own, distinct voices could be interesting. If she wanted to keep doing dance pop, the Pet Shop Boys are a fine choice. I personally would also vote for Daft Punk. If she took of in a different direction, the possibilities are endless: Steve Albini, Brian Eno, Aphex Twin, David Bowie, etc..

JOn gutner | 1/31/2007, 5:59 pm EST

Thanks eddie vedder’s beard. Your stupid comments are not funny or original. You make the internet a shitty place to surf.

Any how, she needs to re-invent herself. She’s in a good position to do so, she is no longer type-casted as a pop princess but rather a fuck up.

From a creative and artistic stand point, fuck ups and weirdos always prevail. If she’s smart she’ll do something off the wall, perhaps this pet shop boys thing is a good idea, a throw back to an age that did better synth pop.

She should skip the mass marketing approach and quitely release her new album and see if she gets any bites. The media is on her 24/7 so it’s not like she needs to try market and sell.

This next album will tell us if she is really a musician with taste or balls, or just some idiot who sings.

lik roper | 1/31/2007, 5:57 pm EST

ok ok, i know; britney needs my big dick inside of her…

Hoyle | 1/31/2007, 5:54 pm EST

She needs to stop.

Michael | 1/31/2007, 5:51 pm EST

I think PSB could rock it out, but I don’t think the sound would sell millions of records like she’s used to. I agree with another reader. The girl needs to try and do it herself. Even Madonna did that…kind of! IE:Like A PrayeR

lik roper | 1/31/2007, 5:50 pm EST

i think she should just skip the undies! :]

rockstarsbaby678 | 1/31/2007, 5:45 pm EST

Brit needs some undies, a great husband, a good album, and some help. :]

Coxy | 1/31/2007, 5:42 pm EST

What a downward slide..Since she broke away from whom ever was controlling her Hillbilly ways.
Its been a downward slide into the natural Trailer girl she is.
Its a pity- Just Have a brake get re focus and stop hanging out with that Paris who hangs onto anyone in the Music biz to further her already sad start into music.

peter lacount | 1/31/2007, 5:39 pm EST

you guys whatever… shes a very pretty girl. i think her next album should be produced by danger mouse, i think he could make her hilariously fun. but hes against that kinda music so its doubtful.

don juan | 1/31/2007, 5:38 pm EST

she should get the rza to do some songs

Johnson Hugger | 1/31/2007, 5:34 pm EST

She looks awful and she sucks.
She doesn’t deserve pet shop boys.
She’s trash.

yuck.

Crabs | 1/31/2007, 5:26 pm EST

She is done!

JUPITER8 | 1/31/2007, 5:25 pm EST

Hey the PSB did wonders for Liza Minelli’s pop career…

King Koopa | 1/31/2007, 5:23 pm EST

I’d vote for a back-from-the-grave Arthur Russell, for a cover of his disco classic, “Is it All Over My Face?”

lik roper | 1/31/2007, 5:17 pm EST

damn, she looks cute in that photo!…

Mer | 1/31/2007, 5:12 pm EST

Britney needs to crawl back into the abyss from which she came so that people with talent can make music instead.

Seattle | 1/31/2007, 5:12 pm EST

I hope PSB don’t work with her :(

Steve | 1/31/2007, 5:11 pm EST

Or she could write and make the album primarily herself, you know, like real musicians who play instruments do.

Ashley F. | 1/31/2007, 5:01 pm EST

The Pet Shop Boys rocked the 80’s like no other. But not even one of my beloved synthesizer rockin’ 80’s bands can save Ms. Spears at this point.

anonymous | 1/31/2007, 5:00 pm EST

that timbaland joke never gets old…

Eddie Vedder's beard | 1/31/2007, 4:59 pm EST

She’s ugly. She’s fat. She’s trash. She SUCKS!

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