The premise of 27 Heaven, a satirical rock musical coming soon to a Broadway stage near you, is the stuff of stoned rock critics’ addled brains. The play, written by New York Times writer Ian Halperin and author Todd Shapiro, and directed by Adam Roebuck (Wedding Singer, Vagina Monologues,) imagines that a recently deceased Kurt Cobain arrives at heaven’s gates and is greeted by Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison (all of whom, like Cobain, died at 27). Cobain must decide whether or not he wants to cross into heaven, and the circumstances of each rocker’s existence after death inform his decision.
Thinking back on the disaster that was Twyla Tharp’s Dylan musical, we’d say the golden rule with rock musicals is: If it sounds like it will suck, it’s probably gonna suck. We’re thinking the producers might need to pull a wag the dog-type maneuver and fake the death of a major (and living) contemporary musician thereby allowing a quick script rewrite and massive ticket sales. So which 27-year-old artists should pull the stunt and how should they “die”?
- Jessica Simpson. Cause of death: Anaphylaxis. Discovers tuna is fish, forgets she is allergic to fish.
- Norah Jones. Cause of death: Boredom with own music. Jones walks into her neighborhood Starbucks, hears “Don’t Know Why” one final time, and collapses, overwhelmed by the sheer tediousness of it all.
- Pete Doherty. Cause of death: Pick one. We’re gunning for Sid & Nancy-esque suicide by overdose with Kate’s finger on the syringe’s plunger, but orgasm-induced heart attack is cool too.
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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.
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