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Breaking News: Marilyn Manson Is Human, Bleeds, Has Midlife Crisis

1/19/07, 1:06 pm EST

Marilyn MansonWe were creeped out at the news last week that Marilyn Manson had started dating twenty-year-old Evan Rachel Wood in the wake of his late December split with Dita Von Teese, his insanely gorgeous wife of one year. Now friends of the pop-goth weirdo confirm our theory that his jailbait love interest is a harbinger of things to come. It seems even the God of Fuck isn’t immune to the pitfalls of the Male Midlife Crisis (henceforth to be known as “MLC”). Considering how anti-convention this dude has been in the past, it sort of bums us out to know that he too has fallen victim to such a mundane, suburban husband affliction. At the very least, we hope he approaches his midlife crisis with the same attitude, creativity and flair for the outre that he has made his trademark. We’ve got a few ideas to ensure his MLC is not run-of-the-mill:

  • Every MLC-sufferer needs to sprout a ridiculous-looking old-guy ponytail. Marilyn’s should be made of the pubes of Romanian virgins.
  • Obviously Double M will be wanting to purchase an expensive vehicle in order to project his masculinity. We can see him driving around in Aleister Crowley’s newly restored, mint-condition Ford Coupe or, for his country home, a midget-drawn troika.
  • Most MLC-afflicted men like trying out new “looks,” engaging in sexual experimentation and dabbling in recreational drugs. Since Marilyn has historically adopted these things as the cornerstone of his personhood, it stands to reason that the most shocking thing he could do is to start using George Clooney’s stylist, insist on missionary position and become a Christian Scientist.
  • MLCs are often accompanied by crises of faith or a desire to pursue an entirely new spiritual or philosophical path. We think Marilyn would make an excellent Baptist.

What do you foresee for Manson’s MLC?


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Comments

HOT WHITE TEEN GIRLS RULE! | 1/19/2007, 1:27 pm EST

GO MM!

Fod oF Duck | 1/19/2007, 1:28 pm EST

Dog of kcuf. Need to hook up with kfed for some ppppparteeeeeeeeeeee.

Killa | 1/19/2007, 1:35 pm EST

Hang in there, Marilyn. There’s still not been a better heavy metal album since ‘Antichrist’!

ken vail jr. | 1/19/2007, 1:37 pm EST

ya know i like a few of his songs but i’d rather hear ALICE COOPER or KISS you know….or DAVID BOWIE….’the baeutiful people’ is a classic though i’ll say that much.

But he's such a... | 1/19/2007, 1:45 pm EST

…has-been.

We live in the era of disposable rock stars. Gimmicks die fast. It’s time for Mary to meet his anti-maker.

Judy | 1/19/2007, 1:55 pm EST

Washed-Up Whiner who thought he had some sort of vision but is really a scared little boy.

Zachra | 1/19/2007, 1:57 pm EST

No source is more trusted than All Headline News. Linking to an article that merely sites a People magazine blurb as its base material is pretty shoddy journalism……if that’s what you want to call this.

PS | 1/19/2007, 1:59 pm EST

He is an idiot! Dita Von Tesse — what kind of jackass would divorce her to go out with a 19 year old???

metalgirl | 1/19/2007, 2:00 pm EST

if all the recent speculation in the media is true…this just confirms that mm is nothing more than a selfish capitalist celebrity. he’s just raking in the dough from kids who think too highly of him. an idol he is not.

Bodi | 1/19/2007, 2:02 pm EST

Manson is just a gimmick. Just one example of what’s wrong with music today.

Kev | 1/19/2007, 2:07 pm EST

I’d rather have my kids hang out with him than someone like Liam Gallagher.

MM isn’t any scarier than my 91 year old Italian Grandmother.

CK | 1/19/2007, 2:09 pm EST

Shameful…on Rolling Stone’s part for printing this…

baba o riley | 1/19/2007, 2:09 pm EST

say what you will but he put out some pretty rocking tunes. and some of those videos of his were, and still are, beyond creepy.

Kev | 1/19/2007, 2:50 pm EST

he’s just playing a game with dita – they will be back together soon enough….right?

mlc | 1/19/2007, 2:55 pm EST

Geee…what a surprise that a female wrote that. (Prob getting close to 30…)
Yea..such a bad male infliction that he gets to go bang a 20 year old.
Sweetie…realtiy check….every guy over from 10 to 99 always and will always want to do a 20 year old.

Theda Fitz | 1/19/2007, 2:58 pm EST

Manson doesn’t even have a license I propose somone buy him a go-kart and he can scoot around saying,
“I Smell Children.”

hazelwoodfarm | 1/19/2007, 3:07 pm EST

Damn, I am 57 years old, with a pony tail, a semi fancy car (Mercedes CLK), still smoke herb and enjoy looking at pretty girls, even though I am married over 35 years to the same Lady. I would never have thought that MM and I had anything in common. LOL

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 3:09 pm EST

like with the lewinski ~ clinton ’scandal’ (scandal? yeh right – can anyone say AGE DISCRIMINATION? i didn’t think so) – the government needs to get their collective noses out of the business of being involved in what LEGAL ADULTS over the age of 18 do with their bodies (and 14 is the LEGAL age in mississippi) with legal substances and/or activities (like medical marijuana, alcohol and salt – or even sex) – because there is a big difference between unlawful and unethical (ethics are for politicians – laws are for human beings) and sometimes i don’t think the government sees the difference between the two;

and much of the clinton/lewinski disgust was really rooted in displaced jealousy, because many of the women against this sexy heterolocalized-hookup were wrinkly old things, or at very least heading fast towards wrinkle land – either that or overprotective mothers and/or fathers and/or momma’s boys and/or fundamentalist religious fanatics and/or hardliner hillarian feminazis (and let’s face it; women are jealous of one another, and especially them young pretty things)…

and what about all the aging ladies getting facelifts and botox injections trying to look as young as possible? – what about that!?)…

yes; legal adults do not need their parents and/or the government holding their hands throughout life when it comes to their usage of legal substances or involvement in legal activites…

for instance; if i want to date a 20 something year old – or even a 19 year old – and have sex with her a million times tonight, then it’s nobody’s business but mine and hers, as one’s sex life is supposed to be the most private part of one’s life, and not subject to government regulation and/or databases…

it’s really all about perhaps wrongfully projecting one’s desires upon another…

anyway; we are all inherently free indiviuals living in (what is supposed to be) a free society, so let’s keep it that way…no more social engineering please, i would like to go back to the 1960s when they got it right the first time, thank you…luckily the sexual revolution is not over, it has only just begun…

oh, and why is it ok to be a young promiscuous gay male, but not a heterosexual male? – it’s even ok to be a heterosexual female, but not a heterosexual male…why not?…can anyone say BACKDOOR DEPOPULATION TACTIC?…

YES! heterosexual rights need to be stressed just as much as homosexual rights i suppose, but society has not gotten to that point yet…

and adding to this; we have been force fed religious extremist right-wing propaganda for the last 6 years (and feminazi-isms for 8 years before that) and apparently lauren gitlin has been brainwashed by it…

you know; i grew up with streakers at baseball games and stuff – and so what?…

and do you know how many artists in the classic rock roster slept with underaged girls?…TOO MANY TO COUNT LAUREN GITLIN! and so fucking what?…should they now all be registered sex offenders along with bill clinton?…YEH? WELL FUCK YOU! – all for now…

lik roper | 1/19/2007, 3:12 pm EST

it’s only ok to have a young thing if you are rich enough to own your own private regime and mansion to go along with it, like hugh hefner…

http://www.likroper.com

the god of change | 1/19/2007, 3:13 pm EST

who cares who Manson is dating or his MLC, lets just hope he comes back and makes some music to change something or at least be remembered as classic.

lik roper | 1/19/2007, 3:20 pm EST

once again; 18 is the legal age in most states; and 14 is the legal age in mississippi…

and if lauren gitlin doesn’t like it, she should get on a talk show and complain about it or something…doctor phil for example, that bald fucker would abolutely love to go on and on about this subject…or bill oreilly even…or nancy grace…etc etc etc…

Judy | 1/19/2007, 3:20 pm EST

Hey hazelwoodfarm,
You sound like a Boomer tool, pathetic.

maggie | 1/19/2007, 3:33 pm EST

whatever dude…to the guy that said every man wants to fuck a 20 yr old. so what, like that’s news? most of those same skanks are balding fat fuckers who can’t get a real woman but might be able to convince some young girl to give it up…and to her he’s just a novelty older guy screw. marilyn is making a fool of himself. he looks pathetic. i don’t care how many 20 yr olds he fucks. i wouldn’t touch that slimy skinny lip stick wearing statanist motherfucker no matter how much fame and money he has. he was lucky dita ever gave him a second glance. she’s one of the sexiest hottest bitches around.

itsneverthere | 1/19/2007, 3:41 pm EST

HOT WHITE TEEN GIRL…you’re an idiot.

Casey | 1/19/2007, 4:05 pm EST

Marilyn Manson is a pig!!!!!

HOT WHITE TEEN GIRLS RULE! | 1/19/2007, 4:17 pm EST

YUMMY! NUBILE SMOOTH BODIES! YUMMY!

MAY MM GET THE BEST YOUNG ONES & HE WILL HE IS A LEGEND! TOO MANY FATTYS HERE JEALOUSE!FOR THOSE THAT SAY HE IS A “HAS BEEN” WELL YOU LOT ARE A “NEVER WERE & NEVER WILL BE” MM IS BETTER THAN EVER!

HAIL SATAN!

HOT WHITE TEEN GIRLS RULE! | 1/19/2007, 4:18 pm EST

itsneverthere YOU ARE A FATTY!

God of Ducks | 1/19/2007, 4:18 pm EST

Let the freak fuck who he wants because guess what world…!
He can fuck just about whoever and whatever he wants so just get over it. MM’s midlife crisis is hardly the run of the mill MLC. I don’t really think you can call a Glam Rock Superstar’s 20 year old coin slot an MLC event more than it’s just another 20 year old fuck.
Jeeesch!

HOT WHITE TEEN GIRLS RULE! | 1/19/2007, 4:19 pm EST

MM BELONGS TO OUR CHURCH,”THE CHURCH OF SATAN” & HAS #1 ALBUMS!

HAILS!!!

bush hater | 1/19/2007, 4:29 pm EST

Midlife crisis? for who? he’s bangin’ a hot 20yo chick!
don’t hate!
if you can get a dog, you get a puppy, not an old hound.-

Going to Hell | 1/19/2007, 4:32 pm EST

he hasn’t pierced his ears yet. I quite liked the mustache he grew for Jawbreakers…hopefully it comes back during this MLC.

Oh, and don’t forget that he has to dye his hair a new color, go to the gym, and make a pop album. Too bad his MLCGF doesn’t have blonde hair…

Besides, Dita pressured him to get married. He always said he would never get married…and now he’s suing for custody of two cats.

Hell hath frozen over…

GO COLTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 4:45 pm EST

was lauren gitlin born after the sexual revolution, or what?…

george | 1/19/2007, 4:46 pm EST

they got little babies working at RS!

albert M | 1/19/2007, 4:48 pm EST

Gee, has anyone ever heard of heterosexual rights? Guess not

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 4:55 pm EST

i am lucky enough to have little or no grey hair and look like i am still in my twenties, and i can still attract them young 20 somethings, but the term ‘midlife crises’ has never crossed my mind; that is nothing more than a derogatory term some women use to explain their jealousy of younger women…

the truth is; midlife crises are for balding, undersexed, grey haired men who have a wife who married them for money $$$, not for ex-lotharios like me…

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 5:08 pm EST

i was taught when i was 18 that the biggest studs always have all the girls talking shit about them behind their backs, that is; until they are right in his face kissing his ass…

Joseph Smith Junior | 1/19/2007, 6:02 pm EST

Asshole baby-boomers who say they’ve never been through a midlife crisis are full of shit. It’s genetic. When middle-aged women get menopausal and can’t bear children, their role becomes that of matriarch and grandmother. Men can still father children into their 60’s and 70’s, and some even older than that. There’s a reason most men feel a need to find a young healthy mother for their sperm when the mother of their first set of children can’t have any more, even if they deny the fact that the reason they’re doing it is biological.

That’s why polygamy still exists in America. You take one obscenely rich asshole and you can find a dozen women of all ages who want to have his children so they can have access to his wallet. Everyone’s needs are taken care of in that kind of arrangement. It’s more honest than selfish baby-boomer couples who think nothing of wife-swapping and then turn around and condemn faith-based polygamy.

If Manson wanted to exploit his midlife crisis and assert his alpha male ego, he should become a polygamist. He has the money to support lots of kids, wives and can have sex with all the teenagers he wants.

The Prophet has spoken.

eap | 1/19/2007, 6:03 pm EST

For all you who are saying, “he has a right to date a 20 year old….the legal age is 18,” yes, he does. But if he goes out in public with her, then other people have the right to make fun of him for it. You make your bed, you lie in it. And that would go the same for any woman going out with someone that many years her junior. It’s silly any way you look at it. And this whole “heterosexual rights” stuff and the idea that the term ‘midlife crises’ is “nothing more than a derogatory term some women use to explain their jealousy of younger women” is just the same old crap I hear all the time from creepy older men who’re trying to come on to me. You’re not fooling anyone, you’re just a creepy old guy and you make women your age AND younger woman laugh at how ridiculous you look. Defending Manson’s choice to date a woman so much younger just makes you seem like Mr. Creepy Comb-Over with his own agenda.

And not that Manson’s music has anything to do with any of this, but I was on a long trip with a friend (who was doing the driving), and I kept trying to sleep but couldn’t to save my life. Then my friend put on Manson’s last album…..out like a light! Yeah, he made some good music back in the day….back when he had a good producer. ;)

Lobsters | 1/19/2007, 6:06 pm EST

Me and the three other Garbage fans will knock the shit out of you and the two other Pavement fans.

YOUNG WHITE THIN GIRLS RULE! | 1/19/2007, 6:19 pm EST

eap YOU sound like a fatty!

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 6:33 pm EST

it’s like this; people with children around the age of 18 generally cannot sleep with 18 year olds because of their conscience – but if you are un-married and childless, you tend to have a different attitude towards life in general…it’s really that simple…

and women with an older father figure tend to be ok with the may/december romance thing (i know; freud was a little shocking, but in alot of ways he was RIGHT ON THE MONEY – i’m just telling you what i have observed)…

furthermore; overprotective parents have taken over our society as of late, and i find this a bit troubling – so i mainly speak to protect the rights and freedoms of our youth…and why? because when i was 19 i slept with a 29 year old lady, and it was the most memorable sexual experience of my life; i finally realized the real difference between stupid 18 year old giggling smoker chicks and wise older women, and i wouldn’t trade that experience for the world…

besides; women have traditionally dated men 7 years or older than them anyway, and that is why girls USED TO grow up faster than boys did in the past, but now they are held down (monica lewinski etc)…

(personally, i like ‘em AT LEAST over 25 or so)

Ploo | 1/19/2007, 6:34 pm EST

buy neverland ranch

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 6:40 pm EST

you all should watch the ‘jimi plays berkeley’ DVD – at one point jimi wiggles his tongue at what looks to be a 14 year old girl in the audience – ooooo!creepy!…

(you know; i think RS has a hit here! – keep running these boy vs girls segments! – us boys will always win!)

sassy2180 | 1/19/2007, 8:47 pm EST

He is just a lil too creepy looking
He is lucky to have had a wife as hot as Dita,I guess he is just trying to keep it hot!!!! although just cuz she is 20 doesn’t mean the bitch is hot.

EAP | 1/19/2007, 8:55 pm EST

eap, even though it’s perfectly consensual and legal you’re saying it’s bad because … I say it’s bad. You’re just using circular logic.

Older guy, younger girl makes sense in a lot of ways. If they don’t have a problem with it, why should you?

What’s worse is people calling guys in their late 20s/mid 30s creepy or ‘paedophiles’ because they’re still naturally attracted to younger (legal) girls. If it was any other demographic group other then straight men these kind of comments would be ‘discrimination’ or ‘prejudice’.

Polo | 1/19/2007, 9:04 pm EST

where’s the quality reporting in this article? or is that optional at rolling stone now?

likroper.com | 1/19/2007, 11:02 pm EST

actually this is quality reporting because they are giving us all a chance to clear up this anti-heterosexual nonsense once and literally FOR ALL…

Like a Rolling Stoning | 1/20/2007, 2:20 pm EST

How about an article on something pertinent, like Manson’s new album due sometime this year? Instead of the tripe that doubles for music news in your magazine, lately!

Michael Jackson | 1/20/2007, 3:15 pm EST

Marilyn Manson and I are getting married and we will have glow in the dark children. We will make beautiful music together and take over the world.

eap | 1/20/2007, 3:22 pm EST

Like a Rolling Stoning, if you want news about something pertinent, then it wouldn’t be about any new album Manson is putting out.

And if the age is within a decade, I can see that working. Otherwise it just seems to be stretching it. It’s not illegal, it’s not pedophilia, it’s just creepy and silly in my opinion. And everything Manson does is for show anyway, so that’s all this is. It’s not like this cruel world’s disdain of their beautiful love is keeping these two people who are meant to be soul mates from being with each other.

And YWTGR – I’m 5′8″, 120, run every day, and have an ass that doesn’t quit. ;)

likroper.com | 1/20/2007, 3:24 pm EST

all i can say is; don’t decide what’s creepy til you see mister pee pee…

eap | 1/20/2007, 3:25 pm EST

[quote]Michael Jackson | 1/20/2007, 3:15 pm EST

Marilyn Manson and I are getting married and we will have glow in the dark children. We will make beautiful music together and take over the world.[/quote]
Now I could see that happening.

And why are we still talking about this crap anyway?

eap | 1/20/2007, 3:27 pm EST

likroper.com | 1/20/2007, 3:24 pm EST

all i can say is; don’t decide what’s creepy til you see mister pee pee…

Oooo…touche. ;)

Michael Jackson | 1/20/2007, 3:38 pm EST

My pee pee is bright white and covered in glitter.

Darkwynter | 1/20/2007, 5:44 pm EST

he just basically proved the the world he is a total idiot, watch that this is all a sick publicity stunt at dita’s expense. his album is inspired by lewis carol who was obsessed with young girls! mark my words, all about young girls, lolita syndrome, and his 19 year old goes along with it, he is a disgusting human being for using his marriage this way if you ask me.
i guess i can give him props for taking his art all the way, but I sure wouldn’t want to have something like this done to me for the sake of selling records.

Dope Hatter | 1/20/2007, 8:40 pm EST

You people are idiots.

HUH? | 1/20/2007, 10:02 pm EST

What a stupid article. How the hell does that moronic journalist or any of you know why or what type of connection these two people have. Go buy a hungry man dinner and a coors light, get into your underwear, turn on your generator and watch some reality tv. I’m going to go freeze myself in carbonate until all you morons are dead.

blah | 1/21/2007, 12:42 am EST

*agrees whole heartedly with ‘huh?’ and ‘dope hatter’*

the only reason i ever visit these trite little gossip sites, is when manson’s in the news, and i am always mortified by how many people live for this shit…

Jenny B | 1/21/2007, 7:43 am EST

FUCK U, MANSON’S NOT A POP-GOTH WEIRDO. HE’S FUCKIN BETTER THAN U ANYDAY. U PROBABLY LISTEN TAE THAT RAVE SHITE. GO FUCK A CHIPMUNKS

Karloff | 1/21/2007, 8:14 am EST

“Jailbait” refers to girls who are younger than 18, not twenty-year-olds, you moron.

mike d | 1/21/2007, 11:40 am EST

Another pathetic editorial dressed up to be a news article. We don’t care about your opinion, Lauren.

Rolling Stone used to be about rock Journalism with insight & integrity. Now it’s turning into People magazine.

Rust1978 | 1/21/2007, 12:33 pm EST

Thank god for UNCUT. RS is rubbish.

Real MenUse Philips' Bodygroom | 1/21/2007, 4:10 pm EST

[E]ap—
God alone only knows why I was reading this nonsense, but I must say, your comments were a rarely seen blend of “right on the money” and hilarity. I’m especially glad to know that your ass, unlike me, when some one of my numbnuts friends badgers me into listening to Manson’s godawful brand of teengoth, doesn’t quit. ;)

Toejam Football | 1/21/2007, 6:15 pm EST

Who cares?Hey that turnip sure can sing.

Laurens from Indonesia | 1/21/2007, 9:49 pm EST

He probably has to take out another rib to bend his ML spine and to be able to…
yikes, I can’t believe I’m writing this.

John B the Drum Machine | 1/22/2007, 12:23 am EST

You know what, MM is essentially NO different than any of you, especially you…Ms. journalist. So the Fuck what, he’s found a new catchers mitt to throw his balls into, who cares. Even if she is 20 years old, what does that mean, other than that He is older than she is. You know my grandparents where 20 years apart and they are still married. RollingStone used to be about Rock’n'Roll, what the fuck happened???! I didn’t know that gossiping about ” Rockstars” was Rock’n'Roll, but I guess I was wrong. Y’all should just call yourselves, RollingStone, the Magazine with little girl journalists gossiping about everything but Music…yeah, that sounds about right. Shut up and just interview Bands, like you used too, and maybe I’ll start buying your magazine again.

Thanks for now making me dumber for having read that article, I realy appreciate it.

likroper.com | 1/22/2007, 1:35 pm EST

come to think of it (eap), i remember thinking older women were wrinkly and yucky looking when i was 18 – but now all young people look sort of weird and fake to me; like they’ve all had plastic surgery or something…

it’s strange how time changes your perspective on things…

Kyle Orton's Drunken Beard | 1/22/2007, 3:45 pm EST

Do all of us a favor, Mr. Article Author- move your trailer.

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