
Rumors that Michael Jackson is dumping his 2,800-acre, Santa Barbara ranch on David Beckham and Posh Spice seem to be greatly exaggerated. Yes, Beckham has signed what may be the largest contract in sports history. (The Los Angeles Galaxy will pay him $250 million over five years to play for the team and promote the sport in America.) And yes, the U.K. paparazzi’s real Royal Family is well able to afford the King of Pop’s notorious former kiddie camp. But Neverland is WAY too off the beaten path (read: Rodeo Drive) for Lady Beckham. And if the Beckhams want to wash off the bad karma that sticks to the place like monkey poop to create a healthy environment for their growing brood of unfortunately named boys (Brooklyn, 7, Romeo, 4, and one-year-old Cruz), it’s gonna take some work. Here are a few suggestions for purifying the place. Do you have any other thoughts for exorcising the ghosts of Neverland?
- Make sure they rake up all the llama droppings… and elephant dung and whatever else got left behind in Jackson’s bad menagerie. Those lil’ English lungs are going to have enough trouble adjusting to L.A. air without having to literally inhale crap.
- Scour the joint for Jackson’s magazine collection. Kids shouldn’t have to flip through Mime Makeup Monthly before they’re old enough to process that stuff.
- Find the Webster VHS box-set. With that little dude rocking The Surreal Life Challenge, that shit’s gonna be worth righteous bucks on eBay!
- Check out the soda cans. Jesus is everywhere!
- Fumigate the bedroom…twice.

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