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Saving Neverland

1/17/07, 1:55 pm EST

Posh and Becks

Rumors that Michael Jackson is dumping his 2,800-acre, Santa Barbara ranch on David Beckham and Posh Spice seem to be greatly exaggerated. Yes, Beckham has signed what may be the largest contract in sports history. (The Los Angeles Galaxy will pay him $250 million over five years to play for the team and promote the sport in America.) And yes, the U.K. paparazzi’s real Royal Family is well able to afford the King of Pop’s notorious former kiddie camp. But Neverland is WAY too off the beaten path (read: Rodeo Drive) for Lady Beckham. And if the Beckhams want to wash off the bad karma that sticks to the place like monkey poop to create a healthy environment for their growing brood of unfortunately named boys (Brooklyn, 7, Romeo, 4, and one-year-old Cruz), it’s gonna take some work. Here are a few suggestions for purifying the place. Do you have any other thoughts for exorcising the ghosts of Neverland?

  • Make sure they rake up all the llama droppings… and elephant dung and whatever else got left behind in Jackson’s bad menagerie. Those lil’ English lungs are going to have enough trouble adjusting to L.A. air without having to literally inhale crap.
  • Scour the joint for Jackson’s magazine collection. Kids shouldn’t have to flip through Mime Makeup Monthly before they’re old enough to process that stuff.
  • Find the Webster VHS box-set. With that little dude rocking The Surreal Life Challenge, that shit’s gonna be worth righteous bucks on eBay!
  • Check out the soda cans. Jesus is everywhere!
  • Fumigate the bedroom…twice.

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Comments

f-face | 1/17/2007, 2:29 pm EST

get rid of the kiddie porn, throw out the elephant man’s remains, wipe up all the little boys spooge that stains the place

Shawn of the Fed | 1/17/2007, 3:58 pm EST

The Scientologists should buy it. Afterall, that’s were all Posh and Becks’ money is going to go to. It’s a shame they don’t watch South Park.

*We are the pod people*

boo boo | 1/17/2007, 5:13 pm EST

i say keep it vacant and rent it out for porn shoots!!!

at least you’ll know for sure that some sick shit is going on there!!!

Graham | 1/17/2007, 5:35 pm EST

I would roll around on the floor, hoping to absorb Michael’s awesomeness. I would also like to remind you all that Michael has been repeatedly found innocent in the court of law. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone (I know he’s a sick bastard and probabaly guilty, but I still love what he used to be).

Me | 1/18/2007, 6:38 am EST

When is the world going to give this guy a break? Proved not guilty probably doesn’t mean very much to you American morons.

Like the man said… he is probably guilt but how about giving him a break until he is actually convicted of something.

Since when did being a hardcore weirdo become a liscense for people to plaugue him whatever chance they get?!

princess lechecul | 1/18/2007, 8:19 am EST

Rolling stone should change their name for the nationals inquires,opps,already taken,

Rich | 1/18/2007, 1:04 pm EST

Restore it and charge admission.

Laurens from Indonesia | 1/18/2007, 10:45 pm EST

Tear it down and build a replication of Old Trafford on the site: call it New Trafford. Wow, I do have my moments..

mack tan | 1/18/2007, 10:54 pm EST

Recently we’ve lost some great forces in music, as the lastest issue of Rolling Stone reveals. How I wish we could appreciate these unique individuals more while we have them, encouraging them to do even more. Their passing is our deafening loss.

Michael Jackson is one of the most superior performers among us. Lately I listened to his cd collection and watched with jaw-dropping awe the dvd enclosed of his concert in Bucharest. I’d give anything to see him dance again.

K36 | 1/19/2007, 4:46 am EST

They should rebuild it as a house where Jackson and little boys can have little kiddy parties…

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