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Gunfight Over The Godfather

1/11/07, 5:54 pm EST

James Brown

Normally, we’re big fans of extreme, um, fandom. Getting a tattoo to honor your favorite artist? Cool. Spending your life savings on original vinyl releases? Awesome. But attempting to murder someone who disagrees with you about how tall James Brown happens to have been? Dude, that’s clinically insane. Two bat-shit Brown fans reportedly got into a gunfight in Atlanta earlier this week over the vertical measurements of the departed Mr. Dynamite. Witnesses report that after Dan Gulley Jr. and David James Brooks Jr. argued about Brown’s height (a towering 5’6”), Gulley went to his car, pulled out his gun, and attempted to cut Brooks down to size. He was arrested, jailed and charged with assault. Needless to say, this has made us rethink our policy of applauding the abject expression of adulation. In the interest of keeping everyone on the right side of criminal prosecution, we thought now would be a good time to discuss some of the red flags that can lead to this sort of behavior. If any of the following descriptions apply to you, seek help.

  • You mortgaged your house to buy someone else’s underwear.
  • You have spent valid American currency to purchase a rock star’s bodily fluids.
  • You have a season pass to Dollywood/Graceland/Billy Ray Cyrus World, etc.
  • You make life decisions based on secret messages you’re sure you hear in your favorite rocker’s lyrics.
  • You actually admit to purchasing and enjoying anything Elton John has released in the last 20 years.

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Comments

J.S. Wildhack | 1/11/2007, 6:21 pm EST

Didn’t I recently read a 4 star review of a new Elton John record somewhere.
Oh yeah!
It was in Rolling Stone!

Seek help, RS.

BrandonG | 1/11/2007, 6:21 pm EST

Some of those lion king songs were pretty good.

Lobsters | 1/11/2007, 7:27 pm EST

I wasn’t even that crazed at the height of my Clashmania . . .
“Wait a minute! How tall did you say Joe Strummer is!?! Huh? How tall did you say Joe is!?! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!”

abandonedstation | 1/11/2007, 7:29 pm EST

what’s with all these crap jokes? And a couple days ago they had those shitty doctored photographs of what will happen to the stars in 2007, with insipid captions below.
Rolling Stone is turning into Mad Magazine.
(and even an ‘intern reality show’ is too low for Mad’s ‘usual gang of idiots’)

J | 1/11/2007, 8:34 pm EST

Thanks for that JS. I was actually just about to mention that.

M | 1/11/2007, 8:41 pm EST

I think its funny that people seem to expect these little blurbs that are all posted 30 minutes to an hour apart to be journalistic masterpieces. As for the Elton John thing, is it really so hard to believe that two seperate writers had different opinions on music? Its not like Rolling Stone has a single mind of its own which makes a single decision for the entire magazine on every single new release…in short, please, if you believe you could report better, start your own website and do it.

jeff | 1/11/2007, 8:44 pm EST

rolling stone, it looks like you didnt learn the moral of this article: dont mess with fans! not even elton john fans! haha lol

Mr. Rosewater | 1/11/2007, 8:47 pm EST

Jeff, no body here said they were Elton John fans, your post was one of the least intelligent things I’ve ever read, I’m sure you’re very smart so it would be just great if you could act like it

likroper.com | 1/11/2007, 8:48 pm EST

RS is truly one mind, and now that one mind is pissed of at simon cowbell…

likroper.com | 1/11/2007, 8:49 pm EST

(that’s a really cool JB poster, by the way)

metalkills | 1/11/2007, 10:17 pm EST

M is right, some people got nothing better to do than point out whats wrong with things. SHUUUTTTUPPP already.

ljs with love... | 1/11/2007, 10:49 pm EST

haha. rolling stone, you’ve sucked elton john’s cock his last three albums as far as i recall. good one. not that elton john sucks, he’s great, but fess up for it!

Moses Cotton | 1/12/2007, 8:49 am EST

I don’t care what anyone says. My memory of James Brown is that he is ten feet tall and bullet proof. By the way, has anyone seen my car.

Fortune | 1/12/2007, 9:52 am EST

Wow, what happened to honoring the man with a hairstyle tribute a la Al Sharpton?

anonymous | 1/12/2007, 10:22 am EST

Way to go, M! Very well said. Man, that is some crazy fan behavior. What a stupid reason to want to kill someone.

J.S. Wildhack | 1/12/2007, 11:01 am EST

Touche, M. I applaud your criticism of my criticism of Rolling Stone’s criticism of Elton John.

(Note that this is NOT a criticism of your criticism of my criticism of Rolling Stone’s criticism. You’re right. I should start my own website.)

Lobsters | 1/12/2007, 11:24 am EST

“Rolling Stone is turning into Mad magazine.”
In yer fuckin’ dreams!

SoulMonkey | 1/12/2007, 1:14 pm EST

James Brown rocked, and Rolling Stone went to shit many years ago.

jill hives | 1/12/2007, 2:41 pm EST

so when are these guys scheduled to appear on the people’s court?

likroper.com | 1/12/2007, 4:39 pm EST

i have stood right next to both axl rose and brett michaels, and they are both about 3 1/2 feet tall…

bryan burchfield | 1/20/2007, 9:33 pm EST

White people will never admit this, but, James Brown was just as important as Elvis and Dylan in terms of changing American music.The 1/3 cut time of old blues he use is called funk.Funk became Disco,Disco became Rap.He and Elvis, Berry, Little Richard B.B. King, etc, put The Whites and the Blacks together more than Dr. King ever did.You make like him,you may not but James Brown was the Godfather of Soul.

mautrisa me is 16 | 5/25/2007, 7:35 pm EST

james brown was a god father of soul he was a powerful man he black an he was stoung man when james brown died he falt like a family to me me love all of he music we will miss him but his music still stays alive with us peace an god bless

mautrisa me is 16 | 5/25/2007, 7:35 pm EST

james brown was a god father of soul he was a powerful man he black an he was stoung man when james brown died he falt like a family to me me love all of he music we will miss him but his music still stays alive with us peace an god bless

mautrisa me is 16 | 5/25/2007, 7:35 pm EST

james brown was a god father of soul he was a powerful man he black an he was stoung man when james brown died he falt like a family to me me love all of he music we will miss him but his music still stays alive with us peace an god bless.

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