Fashion week? It’s on like Malan Breton! We just got back from this morning’s Project Runway show at Bryant Park, and as Vincent would say, it got us off. The season’s final four designers showed off their collections — Jeffrey, Uli, Laura, and front-runner Michael Knight, a.k.a. Captain Save-a-Ho. The seats were packed with Runway stars: fan fave and rock hipster Alison (“I’ve been listening to a lot of Blonde Redhead,” she told us. “And Antony and the Johnsons, Dead Meadow—lots of metal and punk stuff”), Kayne (taking a camera-phone shot of his boyfriend snuggling with Naomi Campbell), Malan (that hair), Catherine Malandrino (ze jet sett-hair). Let’s break it down:

Jeffrey: his neck tattoo is a lot less dumb-looking in real life. It glares on camera, but in person, it just fades into the overall look of an L.A. guy trying a tiny bit too hard. Marilinda worked it like a ho in church.

Uli: did you know she is from Miami? She likes varm veather and halter tops and 1974 prints, yah? Yes, we know. She had Nazri and Amanda in her show.

Michael’s mom: Sweet as pie. Introduced us to her husband, Big Mike, and raved about her son. Nervous (“I got the bubblies”) but proud. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Laura: Still pregnant. Still batshit. Love her.

Kayne: Dressed down, by his standards. Mobbed by kids, mostly little girls screaming “I love your pageant dress!” When security guards tried to shoo the kids away, Kayne shielded them with his body. This man is sunshine.

Vincent: Captain Golfball-Pupils wore a scary spiral t-shirt that practically screamed, “I’m not crazy!” Is crazy. Jumped up to applaud Jeffrey, startling everybody. Got off. Vincent, we need you to go upstairs and clean out your space. Okaaay?

Angela: Really friendly, didn’t mention Jubilee Jumbles once. Showed us the Christian Dior jacket she bought as a birthday present to herself while in Paris. “My first actual fashion purchase!” she said. We wanted to ask if she got up early this morning to watch the sun rise over the Empire State Building but we were afraid she’d hit us with a fleurchon.

Amanda: Kayne’s chatty model, came over to give him a big hug. She’s totally forgiven him for duct-taping her mouth. Kayne explained, “I took out all my Runway frustrations on the beautiful charming person next to me.” Amanda said, “Hey, it means everybody talks about me.” But she didn’t say whether her boyfriend finally got her the iPod.

Jeffrey’s girlfriend: Wore a Mohawk. Scary.

Daniel Franco: Mr. Dignity and Integrity looks like Steve Perry from Journey, incredibly sweet, just had his own runway show last Monday. Showed us something beautiful, if you get our drift.

Catherine Malandrino: Voluntarily walked back into the same room as Vincent. Quelle pro!

Malan: Oh, to live in his hair. Lustrous and shimmery and wet. A gentleman. Sat with Alison and her sister. His voice is like ruching.

Bradley apparently didn’t make it—the squid is still searching for his ocean—and neither did Keith, a shame since we missed him more than we thought we would. Nick and Raymundo sat together, Michael Kors brought his mom, Diana the nerdy science girl was dolled up in Dirty Diana mode, and Daniel Vosovic has even cooler new wave hair than Malan. Final verdict, in the words of Tim Gunn: “Oh Jesus!”