You know a party is wack when the most notable celeb there is the Moonman from MTV. Such was the case at Jessica Simpson’s record release rollerskating party last night at NYC’s Roxy nightclub. Good Humor ice cream carts and popcorn machines abounded (yay), as did cheesy Eighties pop tunes (negative yay — and FYI, New Kids On the Block aren’t ironic, they’re just bad.) Bottom line? The vibe was defintely more on the boring Bat Mitzvah tip than all-out rager. Aside from the aforementined moonman, the only quasi-celebs in attendance were TV chef Rocco DiSpirito, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, old-school supermodel Carole Alt (??), ice-skating queen Oksana Baiul (???), and the ubiquitous, earring-sporting Joe Simpson. Neither Jess’s sister Ashlee nor her new squeeze John Mayer (see this week’s US Weekly) made a cameo! Suck!
After the Simpson sock hop, we headed over to Kelis’ pre-VMA party at the nightclub PM. Madame Milkshake–whose latest album, Kelis Was Here, dropped last Tuesday, paused from working the room to tell us how obsessed she is with Gnarls Barkley. (Gnarls mastermind Cee-Lo Green produced her album.) “I think ‘Transformer’ is hot,” the R&B star said of her favorite cut off the duo’s St. Elswhere. “We are transformers. And it’s from my era. Transformers: More than meets the eye.” She’s equally excited about her upcoming single, “Blindfold,” on which she duets with husband Nas. “It doesn’t sound like anything out there, it won’t blend into anything else. It’s just very me.”