Simon Cowell is sick of Celine Dion. Paula Abdul is too short to ride the roller-coasters at Six Flags. And with his astonishingly smooth, poreless skin, Randy Jackson may well be the human equivalent of Mr. Bigglesworth. These were just some of the sacred truths unearthed at the latest round of tryouts for season six of American Idol, held this afternoon at New York City’s Chelsea Piers. We got to sit in on an intime conference with America’s favorite panel to find out what this year’s contenders have been like so far. So what’s the verdict on the next crop of star wannabes? Put it this way: there’s been a whole lot of crap singing going on.
“They haven’t done anything to make us jump out of our chairs,” said the perpetually giddy Abdul. Jackson agreed: “I think that people are singing songs that are too big for them. You gotta really find out your range and what you sing best and then come in and blow us away with what you do best, not what you think we wanna hear.” Word. According to Cowell–who BTW is disturbingly hot in the flesh– these songs do NOT include Alicia Keys’ “Fallin,’” Whitney Houston’s standard “I Will Always Love You,” or anything by Celine Dion. Then came this pearl of wisdom from Randy: “Why don’t you know that you suck if you suck? Why don’t you accept it? I wanted to be in Nirvana. I wasn’t. I accept that.” Poor Randy! It could’ve been you that hit yourself in the head with your bass onstage at the VMAs circa 1992 instead of Krist Novoselic. What a world!

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