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“Idol” Judges Storm Chelsea!

8/30/06, 6:53 pm EST

Simon Cowell is sick of Celine Dion. Paula Abdul is too short to ride the roller-coasters at Six Flags. And with his astonishingly smooth, poreless skin, Randy Jackson may well be the human equivalent of Mr. Bigglesworth. These were just some of the sacred truths unearthed at the latest round of tryouts for season six of American Idol, held this afternoon at New York City’s Chelsea Piers. We got to sit in on an intime conference with America’s favorite panel to find out what this year’s contenders have been like so far. So what’s the verdict on the next crop of star wannabes? Put it this way: there’s been a whole lot of crap singing going on.

“They haven’t done anything to make us jump out of our chairs,” said the perpetually giddy Abdul. Jackson agreed: “I think that people are singing songs that are too big for them. You gotta really find out your range and what you sing best and then come in and blow us away with what you do best, not what you think we wanna hear.” Word. According to Cowell–who BTW is disturbingly hot in the flesh– these songs do NOT include Alicia Keys’ “Fallin,’” Whitney Houston’s standard “I Will Always Love You,” or anything by Celine Dion. Then came this pearl of wisdom from Randy: “Why don’t you know that you suck if you suck? Why don’t you accept it? I wanted to be in Nirvana. I wasn’t. I accept that.” Poor Randy! It could’ve been you that hit yourself in the head with your bass onstage at the VMAs circa 1992 instead of Krist Novoselic. What a world!


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Comments

Jay Adler, Freelance Writing | 9/1/2006, 1:56 pm EST

Does anybody in 2006 remember the Ted Mack Amateur Hour or Ed Sullivan. Does anybody realize that Ted Mack was instrumental in spawning the career of Pat Boone, who if estimated by today’s standards would be a milk toast American Idol but was once the biggest entertainment property in the US. Ted Mack was a consummate evaluator of potential and he knew more about that subject than all of the “clowns in the three ring circus” including the diminutive ersatz cheerleader from the Lakers and her friends. Ted had no court jesters and Sullivan only showcased talent. This is what American television and the Industry’s musical entertainment psyche should move toward in a straight on basis. The futile attempt to compound minutia and trivial humor with evaluating the failures of others to emulate performers that we may never again see or hear in our lives brings me to a central and salient point and an actual strategy. I say refine this type of show and go to a sheer variety format possibly stadium set in nature. Stock the stage with professionals and because the Jackson Browne’s, Joni Mitchell’s, Neil Youngs, Robert Plants and Jimmy Pages, Steve Poltzs and Sara McGlockins might agree to work for less just to accomplish the good riddance of a trend that is actually bastardizing quality in the music business. Idol, in my view acts like a racetrack tout when considering an unobtainable premise suggesting that the next Nat King Cole will somehow be slingshot-ed out of their doings.As a CD Reviewer, I usually concern my business with performers from the Folk Rock era and even those prior to that all professionals and individuals who have distinctly influenced our musical well beings. I like the “real article” in my women, my schotch and my music.

Jay Adler, Freelance Writing

Brandon Flowers (the Killers) | 9/7/2006, 11:44 am EST

Jay Adler: a true American hero.

Jay Adler, Freelance Writing | 9/15/2006, 11:24 am EST

I must tell you the the network suits are starting to weave professional and accomplished recording artists into what I have frequently referred in my CD Reviews on the web as the Idol Mentality. The show last night was described as a duet format with one professional recording artist who turned out to be several retreads but astoundingly good ones and an Idol type wannabee. So Dionne Warwick prances out to engage her partner and floors me just like she did when in 1963 she performed at the Tami Show in San Diego and capitvated everybody there with her sexy and immaculate performance of Walk on BY. Today she has not missed a beat. The judges were comprised of a motely assortment of yokels including Marie Osmond, the iconic Little Richard and some other guy who I have to designate as such because I have no idea who he is or what his credentials are. Again, the networks should compete against this inocuous fare with a pure music classic rock format. This Idol type of sad programming only pulls record and concert sales from those that can entertain us in a more understandable and proficient manner. We really don’t need judges for any reason, particulary the “once were” characters that they seem to be attracted into hiringdo not offer us anything remotely constructivefrom a technical standpoint. Why don’t we just kick out the jams and listen to the Claptons, the Who, Rickie Lee Jones, Joni Michell and so it goes. I would think these artists would lower their price tag in order to improve our view of the music business and performing.

Jay Adler

dodacrazy | 9/18/2006, 5:32 pm EST

Jay those are some solid thoughts but as a friend give it up today its all about who can screw who and i’m not into there games anymore ….Games thats funny they don’t follow there own rules thats fine ,,,they say a person learns from there mistakes and I am a true believer so I will never walk that path anymore its not about you its about me,so thanks but do not waste your time my days are numbered……

dodacrazy | 9/18/2006, 5:34 pm EST

byeee and goodluck!

Brittany | 10/11/2006, 3:18 pm EST

Being a huge American Idol fan is my guilty pleasure.

krispycreme | 10/11/2006, 8:22 pm EST

tilt your head just a bit more……….. ok freeze

Jay Adler, Freelance Writing | 11/13/2006, 4:07 pm EST

Whine whine whine. I’m a pretentious douche. Whine whine.

bryan burchfield | 1/20/2007, 9:46 pm EST

This show is the Gong Show of the 21st.century.What the hell has American T.V become?Of course I would like to bang old Paula.

Dr. Paul Harrison | 1/20/2007, 9:49 pm EST

This show sucks.All it is good for is selling Coke.

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