The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Review 1 of 8

sixstringsdown writes:

Not Rated

I'll quote Spinal Tap to sum up this one: "shit sandwhich". And secondly, let's put a sock in the knocking Peter Travers, instead, I feel an immense "fuck you, Rob Cohen" is in order. This movie represents an hour and a half of miserably wasted time that I'm just pining to get back. I dare you to dredge up ONE honestly enjoyable thing from this blunder of CGI dephication. Yetti's making field goal signs? The WORST scene cuts ever made? Who fucking edited this movie? After stunners like Iron Man and (yes, you assholes) the glorious Dark Knight, leave it to Hollywood to lead us down a reverse trek into Spidy-3 land and shit all over one of the best summers ever. In all honesty, I can say that the best thing about this movie was the euro Wall-E add during the previews.

Aug 15, 2008 07:19:03

Review 2 of 8

ProtoScroto writes:

Not Rated

i saw this movie. it ranks among the worst this year, right with the eye-rollingly stupid 10,000 bc. if u liked that movie because u could actually understand the development (since it's been done to death), u'll really, really like the mummy 3. there really are people out there who WANT to see the same garbage repackaged over and over and over each year until the day they die. seeing easy-to-digest crap gives them comfort. who really cares about the state of the world, right?

does the following review make sense to anyone?

"Peter Travers is a horrible critic. But he's been a horrible critic since his days at People Magazine. Judging by his recent criticisms of Beverly Hills Cop 4 and Oliver Stone's George W. Bush film - which he haven't even been released yet - how can I trust him? I'm sure the Mummy sucks because The Dark Knight is awesome. But guess what? You are allowed to like both. I hate these critics that have movies compete with each other. Okay, I haven't seen The Mummy, but I haven't seen any of the summer movies because they look like garbage. But I'm not a critic, so I'm allowed to be prejudice."

"which he haven't even been released yet" .. o yeah, u're a genius! i'll really take ur invalid opinion over that of a professional critic, moron.

Aug 11, 2008 11:11:43

Review 3 of 8

secretsam writes:

1of 4 Stars

Wowsers! What a terrible movie!
Honestly its one of the worst films I've seen in many years..! (and with some such talented stars and easy material in it too..!), let me list the ways this movie blows..!

Let me start and say that I loved the first two movies as the fab 1920s style escapist films with some real historical style along the way
(who can forget the fabulous Egypt opening scene of the Mummy/Mummy2..!?)

Right, down to the painfull experience that was the Mummy 3...

Lets start with a terrible historical recreation at the beginning (lordy - Lord of the Rings and the Mummy showed how to simply do it with style...!).

Lets add one of the worst plots and scripts I have ever seen - incoherent plot, long sleepy periods, humour thats totally dead, dialogue that made me want to cry it was soo bad!
Then of course there is the intensely painfull (bad!) father-son 'I want to say I love you, but I cant!' sub-plot that so ineptly done you wish they'd just have a real fight to make it seem even slightly real..! (or funny!)

Then acting thats as wooden as a plank, miscast major charicters - Maria Bello's Evey was truly terrible - with dialogue so cliched it was like she'd been channeling the Stepford wives..it was that bland..!!). If you have to replace a major charicter - at least replace them with a better actor! (remember Batman - it has been done!).

And who could forget their 'English' son with a horrible US/Ozzy accent! (Im Australian/English by the way!) who's wooden performance was awefull..!

Even the lead Rick O'Connell was looking bored through much of the film (and looking like a bloodshot eyed junkie for some reason in the latter half..!!), though its easy to understand why...

Even the action scenes were indeptly handled, by a dirctor who seemed to think it stylish to throw 1000 elements into the mix; and to annyinging have the camera shake around so much I could'nt really see any of the action...urgh!!

So we've got Jet-Li and Michelle Yeogh - two of the best performing martial artists in the world (and a good actress as well!) ...
queue fantastic martial arts scenes right...? DEAD WRONG!

In the few seconds of fighting they get its all done in slow-mo, and with poor choriography and second rate fighting..! Heck - let these two diret the fight scenes, no doubt they'd have done a way better job!

The score was bland pop also, none of the sturring mummy music or other action films!
Soft when it should be loud, loud when it should be soft..!

Honestly I have so never wanted to leave the cinema since a (really bad!) Adam Sandler film...it was excruciatingly painfully bad!

ZERO STARS!
(minus 5 for wasting such a decent lot of money and some talent in a film! plus 6 stars for
Rachel Weisz having the wisdom to see this porker coming..!)

Oh, and who could forget the 3 (yes, 3!) CGI Yettis..!?

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Aug 10, 2008 13:46:18

Review 4 of 8

TroyPuls writes:

1of 4 Stars

I've got Peter's back too. I see the tone of the previous reviews, angry at Peter liking Dark Knight and not liking this. Sounds like Grandma is having a bad time taking the grandkids to the theatre this summer.

I know a lot of people who love these Mummy movies, and they do make a ton of money, but the fact that people aren't bothered by how cliched and stupid they are says the same thing about our intelligence as a culture as W's second term and the persistence of Insane Clown Posse.

The Dark Knight is a perfect movie that paves the way for other intelligent properties like "Watchmen" and "Preacher" to be adapted. It just isn't for those who choose to cling to Eisenhower era values and pretend the world is a nicer place than it really is for those of us who aren't completely sheltered from it.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is a nonsensical cartoon and the 2nd time this summer Jet Li has debased himself for the amusement of small children. It's sad to see him becoming a clown. It's discouraging to see this garbage coming out in a summer that has offered us some better-than-usual fare.

Aug 4, 2008 09:08:36

Review 5 of 8

Leomoviegoer writes:

Not Rated

I'm sorry I had to register, not to critique the movie, but to point out my frustration of idiot posters that, not only haven't seen the movie in question, but use this to bash Peter Travers, whom I don't always agree with, think is the best movie critic on the planet and fully trust what he has to say about film. "checking search engine" Um, I don't see you guys having a forum and I doubt you have the experience that he has to begin with. Sounds like envy to me. I see these posts with pros and cons. The cons being a free enough forum to allow dolts like whiteelephant to post. The pros, however, show evidence that this person is a complete idiot. I have your back, Pete.

Aug 4, 2008 03:14:20

Review 6 of 8

whiteelephant writes:

Not Rated

Peter Travers is a horrible critic. But he's been a horrible critic since his days at People Magazine. Judging by his recent criticisms of Beverly Hills Cop 4 and Oliver Stone's George W. Bush film - which he haven't even been released yet - how can I trust him? I'm sure the Mummy sucks because The Dark Knight is awesome. But guess what? You are allowed to like both. I hate these critics that have movies compete with each other. Okay, I haven't seen The Mummy, but I haven't seen any of the summer movies because they look like garbage. But I'm not a critic, so I'm allowed to be prejudice.

Aug 1, 2008 16:16:01

Review 7 of 8

dangle22 writes:

1of 4 Stars

Maybe Peter's "cock has been up the Dark Knight's ass" because it was fucking awesome, and he gave this crap 1 star because it's a total abortion?

Aug 1, 2008 15:33:07

Review 8 of 8

PeterTraversStinks writes:

4of 4 Stars

I'm giving this 4 stars because Peter Travers sucks. What were the odds of him giving this movie a bad review while he's had the Dark Knights cock up his ass for 2 weeks? "This movie belongs in a tomb and to never rise again"? Good one, Pete. How long you been saving up that joke? You wanted to give this movie a piss poor review just so you could use that line. While I have no doubt the movie sucks gerbil turds, I just can't stand Travers. So I'm giving the movie **** and you Mr. Travers.............stink!

Aug 1, 2008 10:20:35