Team America: World Police

Starring: Dian Bachar, Phil Hendrie, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Elle Russ

Directed by: Matt Stone, Trey Parker

RS: 3.5of 4 Stars

2004 Paramount Pictures Comedy

Listen up: There are three DVD versions of Team America out there: the Widescreen, the Fullscreen, and the Uncensored and Unrated Special Collector's Edition. They are all the same list price: $29.95. Only a DVD-buying pussy would choose anything but the version that you couldn't see in theaters, in which a guy and a girl puppet not only have sex but poo-poo and pee-pee on each other. How else are you supposed to access the film's deeper themes? Actually, there are no deeper themes, even though the film ostensibly takes on global terrorism. Those South Park hell-raisers -- director Trey Parker and co-writer Matt Stone -- have produced their own Jerry Bruckheimer epic using string puppets instead of wooden actors. The six members of Team America destroy terrorists, even as they obliviously obliterate world monuments. TA boss Spottswoode recruits Gary, a double major in world languages and theater. It's Gary who gets a woody for teammate Lisa (voiced by Kristen Miller). The songs are hilarious, whether it's a country riff ("Freedom isn't free/No, there's a hefty fuckin' fee") or a hard-rock anthem ("America -- Fuck Yeah"). North Korean dictator Kim Jong-II, the film's scene-stealing villain (voiced by Parker), breaks your heart with "I'm So Ronely." In this movie, there's a worse threat than terrorism, and that's liberal Hollywood. Puppets of Michael Moore, Sean Penn, George Clooney, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon and Alec Baldwin are royally skewered for taking themselves seriously, a flaw the boys find more often on the political left than on the right. Wherever you stand, don't make a final judgment till you see this gloriously unexpurgated DVD version, with deleted scenes and outtakes, eight production featurettes -- Paris, it appears, was a bitch to blow up -- and, of course, the golden shower.