Caption Contest: We Have a Winner!

A few quick notes... yes, there was an editing error in Friday's post. There were originally six finalists to the Kim Jong-Il captioning contest, but our poll program maxed out at five, so we had to kill one, and I forgot to fix the text. So there. The invisible sixth finalist was, naturally, the funniest one, just as the best quarterback on every team is always the backup.

But since things came out the way they did, we've decided to name Chris Wisbley the winner for his, "Leave us – I will interrogate this prisoner myself," effort. For me it was between that one and Gary Lumpp's "My accent not that thick!" entry. The thing I especially liked about Lumpp's effort was that it wasn't even a gourd in the picture, making the play on words that much lamer and more of a stretch, which again underscores the extreme guts it took to go with the Asian-accent/pun route with the contest.

But Wisbley's not only won the popular vote, it scored a laugh out loud with at least two of the superdelegates among my friends, so he (she?) is the winner. So Chris, if you haven't sent it in already, send me your address and I'll have a signed copy of the new Griftopia paperback out to you this week. Send in your picture, too, while you're at it.

And since I'm in such a giving mood, I'm unleashing another contest, the prize for which will be a shipment of hand-sharpened pencils by noted Artisanal Pencil Sharpener David Rees. Readers of Rolling Stone might remember David's Get Your War On cartoons, but he's given up cartooning to "pursue his dream" of making the world's finest hand-sharpened pencils. My wife and I own a pair of Rees-sharpened pencils which came with a certificate of 93% sharpness, which would be unheard-of on a machine-tooled implement.

Anyway, this prize is going to the first reader who completes the following internet scavenger hunt. Just submit, in the comments section, links to the following:

1) Find a mixed metaphor in a newspaper column not written by Thomas Friedman.

2) A YouTube clip involving a politician and a farm animal. This does not need to be sexual in nature.

3) An Islamic website offering an instruction on the permissibility of an obscure practice. For instance, a solid submission would be a link to a page giving instructions to Muslims on whether or not it is permissible to perform an autopsy on a circus clown.

The reader who submits the funniest trio of links wins the pencils, plus an additional bonus prize, to be revealed later this week.

In other matters, I have a feature coming in the magazine soon and also more on the Occupy Wall Street protests early this week. Until then, take care.