The final four Republican tributes gathered in the Fox Theater in Detroit Thursday night for the eleventeenthousandth primary debate. Megyn Kelly, Chris Wallace and Bret Baier brought the heat — or rather the graphics, statistics, video footage and legal affidavits — to systematically dismantle Donald Trump's claims.
Trump, meanwhile, wanted to talk about his penis.
Here's how that worked out for all of them.
1. "I totally disavow the Ku Klux Klan. I totally disavow David Duke. I've been doing it now for two weeks now. You're probably about the 18th person who's asked me the question.... Take a look at my Twitter account." –Donald Trump, trying to prove his anti-white supremacist bona fides — ineffectively
2. "Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And [Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: 'If they're small, something else must be small.' I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee it." –Donald Trump, in response to Marco Rubio's recent campaign attack
3. "I don't think the people of America are interested in a bunch of bickering schoolchildren." –Ted Cruz
4. "We are not going to turn over the conservative movement or the party of Lincoln or Reagan... to someone whose positions are not conservative, to someone who last week defended Planned Parenthood for 30 seconds on a debate stage, to someone... who thinks the nuclear triad is a rock band from the 1980s." –Marco Rubio
5. "This little guy has lied so much." –Donald Trump, on Marco Rubio
6. Chris Wallace: "Mr. Trump, a policy question for you, sir."
Marco Rubio: "Let's see if he answers it."
Donald Trump: "I will. Don't worry about it little Marco, I will."
Marco Rubio: "OK, well, let's hear it, big Donald."
Donald Trump: "Don't worry about it little Marco, I will."
Chris Wallace: "Gentleman. You've got to do better than this."
7. "Your numbers don't add up, sir." –Chris Wallace, hitting Trump on his plan to reduce the deficit by destroying the Department of Education and the EPA
8. "I understand the folks who are supporting Donald right now. You're angry. You're angry at Washington, and he uses angry rhetoric. But for 40 years, Donald has been part of the corruption in Washington that you're angry about." –Ted Cruz
9. Megyn Kelly: "Mr. Trump. Hi."
Donald Trump: "Nice to be with you, Megyn. You're looking well."
10. "Donald Trump, in 2008, wrote four checks to elect Hillary Clinton as president." –Ted Cruz
11. "I don't know exactly what when you talk about 'off the record.' First of all, BuzzFeed? They were the ones that said under no circumstances will I run for president, and were they wrong.... I think being off the record is a very important thing. I think it's a very, very powerful thing." –Donald Trump, switching deflection strategies midstream regarding the off-the-record recording the New York Times is said to have about Trump's true immigration stance
12. "I may have discussed something like that with the New York Times, but I would never release off-the-record conversations — I don't think it's fair to do that." –Donald Trump, basically admitting that he had the off-the-record conversation BuzzFeed claims he had.
13. "Short-term employees, we have no choice but to do it, and other hotels in that very, very hot area [hire immigrants too]. It is a very hot area. It's very, very hard to get people." –Donald Trump on why he didn't hire Americans for jobs at his hotels
14. "I've given my answer, Lying Ted." –Donald Trump, to Ted Cruz
15. "Have you ever heard of Trump Steaks?" –Marco Rubio, hitting Trump on his business record
16. "They're not going to refuse me. Believe me." –Donald Trump, rejecting the premise of the question, "What will you do if the military refuses your illegal orders?"
17. "If I say do it, they do it. That's what leadership is all about." –Donald Trump
18. "Can you imagine these people, these animals over in the Middle East that chop off heads, sitting around talking and seeing that we're having a hard problem with waterboarding? We should go for waterboarding, and tougher than waterboarding." –Donald Trump
19. "He was a spy and we should get him back." –Donald Trump on Edward Snowden
20. "Megyn, I have a very strong core." –Donald Trump
21. "There's a difference between flexibility, and telling people whatever you think you need to say to get them to do what you want them to do — and that's what Donald has done throughout his career." –Marco Rubio
22. "The people of Florida can't stand him. He couldn't get elected dogcatcher." –Donald Trump on Marco Rubio
23. "Is this the debate you want playing out in the general election?" –Ted Cruz
24. "Count to ten, Donald, count to ten." –Ted Cruz, trying to calm things down
25. "Let's stop fighting." –John Kasich
26. "I don't think that someone woke up one morning and said, 'Let's figure out how to poison the water system to hurt someone.'" –Marco Rubio, absolving Michigan Republicans of any Flint-related guilt
27. "If you go to a photographer to take pictures at your wedding and he says he'd rather not do it, find another photographer. Don't sue the photographer." –John Kasich, on so-called religious liberty
28. Ted Cruz: "Breathe, Donald. Breathe."
Donald Trump: "I am, Ted."
Marco Rubio: "When they're done with the yoga, can I answer a question?"
Ted Cruz: "I really hope that we can't see yoga on this stage."
Marco Rubio: "Well, he's very flexible, so you never know."
29. "I would tell the Chinese, 'You don't own the South China Sea. Stop hacking us.'" –John Kasich
30. "Millions and millions have come to the GOP party.... The democrats are losing people. It's the biggest thing in politics." –Donald Trump on his impact
31. "I kinda think before it's all said and done I'll be the nominee." –John Kasich