21 Hilarious and WTF Moments From the GOP Debate

"I'll buy you a tequila. Or even some famous Colorado brownies," said Ted Cruz at Wednesday's CNBC debate

"I can assure you I am Hillary Clinton's worst nightmare," said Carly Fiorina at Wednesday's GOP debate. Credit: Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty

The third Republican debate took place Wednesday evening at the Coors Event Center at the University of Colorado, Boulder. It felt long — so long that our entire lives flashed before our eyes, and by the end of it we were walking with our five grandkids through the charred remains of America with the voice of Mike Huckabee echoing somewhere in the distance. By the end of it, the only thing we needed to hear was that Donald Trump had convinced CNBC to limit it from going any longer, and we were ready to elect him our benevolent dictator for life. 

Here are the 21 most notable moments. 

1. "If you want someone to grab a beer with, I may not be that guy. But if you want someone to drive you home, I'll get the job done." - Ted Cruz

2. "What is this, a French work week?" - Jeb Bush, attacking Marco Rubio about missing Senate votes

3. "I'll buy you a tequila. Or even some famous Colorado brownies." - Ted Cruz to moderator Carl Quintanilla

4. "Boy, am I good at solving debt problems. No one can solve them like me." - Donald Trump on filing for bankruptcy

5. "Find me a Democrat that is for cutting spending $10, I'll give them a warm kiss." - Jeb Bush

6. "I used it to pay off my student loans — and it's available on paperback if you're interested in buying it." - Marco Rubio on his $1 million book deal

7. "They shouldn't automatically assume that because you believe marriage is between one man and one woman, you're a homophobe." - Ben Carson

8. "I don't know. You people write this stuff." - Donald Trump, feigning ignorance about where moderator Becky Quick found his quote calling Marco Rubio "Mark Zuckerberg's personal senator." (It's on his campaign website.)

9. "The Democrats have the ultimate super PAC — it's called the mainstream media." - Marco Rubio

10. "Drugs is one of the greatest scourges in this country." - John Kasich

11. "I like to be unpredictable." - Donald Trump on carrying a gun, sometimes

12. "I love Donald Trump. He's a good man. I'm wearing a Trump tie tonight." - Mike Huckabee

13. "We have $19 trillion in debt. We have people out of work. We have ISIS and Al Qaeda...And we're talking about fantasy football? Let people play. Who cares?" - Chris Christie

14. "Even in New Jersey, what you're doing is rude." - Chris Christie to moderator John Harwood

15. "It's your grandparents' fault for having too many damn kids." - Rand Paul on paying for Medicare

16. "I'm against anything that's bad for my mother." - Marco Rubio on entitlement reform

17. "I want a government so small I can barely see it." - Rand Paul

18. "When millions of Americans rose up against Obamacare, I was proud to lead that fight. When millions of Americans rose up against amnesty, I was proud to lead that fight. When millions of Americans rose up against Planned Parenthood, I was proud to lead that fight." - Ted Cruz

19. "I can assure you I am Hillary Clinton's worst nightmare." - Carly Fiorina

20. "I negotiated it down to two hours so we can get the hell out of here." - Donald Trump on the debate's length

21. "I do not want to walk my five grandkids through the charred remains of America." - Mike Huckabee