The Week in Weird

The Darkness's frontman Justin Hawkins gave fans a bit of a clue as to how he manages to hit those high notes this past week when he revealed that he recently had a stud driven through his penis. Hawkins says he was "punishing himself" for cheating on his girlfriend when he had the genital jewelry added to his collection, since he always chooses to put another hole in his body when he's down in the dumps. The singer says he removed the ring from his privates when he and gal pal Sue Whitehouse subsequently kissed and made up, leading us to hope that -- despite the somewhat twisted romanticism the notion evokes -- he didn't then present it to her as an engagement trinket . . .

We know that Internet porn has taken some of the luster off the once-gleaming veneer of the Playboy mansion, but we never dreamed that Hugh Hefner had fallen far enough to throw the doors open to, say, Uncle Kracker. A new video game based on the goings on in Bunnyland will feature cameo appearances by such luminaries as the aforementioned Kracker, Andrew WK and members of Sum 41 -- a far cry from the days when the Rat Pack roamed the mansion's grounds, martini glasses in hand. A press release promoting the game trumpets the fact that players can watch as Sum guitarist Dave Baksh "gets drunk, smokes cigars, makes out and has sex with various women," which makes us think that we'll save our bucks and continue peering through the windows of that guy across the street . . .

While we've managed to avoid getting swept up in the reality TV tide, we'd happily channel surf right over if Donald Trump ever decides to hand the reins of The Apprentice over to former Queens of the Stone Age bassist Nick Oliveri. The musician, who now fronts Mondo Generator, masterfully showed off his knack for dealing with underlings in Germany last week when he expressed his opinion of the sound at a club by pushing his way through the audience to have a "discussion" with the soundman, breaking his nose and several of his teeth. Oliveri's bandmates, who apparently have a lot in common with him in terms of people skills, subsequently tossed him off the band's tour bus, leaving him to wander a German highway alone in the dark. With Germans being, well, Germans, we're sure Oliveri had no problem following the trail of empties to the next town . . .

Since we've got nothing but the utmost respect for celebs who find new ways to get into the pants of the unsuspecting, we'll offer a round of applause to Usher, who's lent his visage to the Mastercard folks for a new debit card. The suits at the money-lender claim the Usher Raymond IV card will allow consumers "a great way to connect with their favorite entertainer" -- which might qualify as accurate if the card were used to pay for a lap dance at said consumer's local ecdysiast gathering place. To be honest, we think the venture stands a good chance of success, and look forward to seeing Usher's face snuggled up to condoms in wallets across the land.