Inside the Heart and Mind of Nirvana

Soon after the September release of Nevermind, MTV pumped "Teen Spirit" night and day as the album vaulted up the charts until it hit No. 1. Although the band's label, DGC, doubted the album would sell over 250,0000 copies, it sold 3 million in just four months and continues to sell nearly 100,000 copies a week.

For Nirvana, putting out their first major-label record was like getting into a new car. But the runaway success was like suddenly discovering that the car was a Ferrari and the accelerator pedal was Krazy Glued to the floorboard. Friends worried about how the band was dealing with it all.

"Dave's just psyched," says Nils Bernstein, a good friend of the band members' who coordinates their fan mail. "He's 22, and he's a womanizer, and he's just: 'Score!'" Novoselic, according to Bernstein, had a drinking problem but went on the wagon this year.

But rumors are flying about Cobain. A recent item in the music-industry magazine Hits said Cobain was "slam dancing with Mr. Brownstone," Guns n' Roses slang for doing heroin. A January profile in BAM magazine claimed that Cobain was "nodding off in midsentence," adding "the pinned pupils, sunken cheeks and scabbed, sallow skin suggest something more serious than mere fatigue."

Cobain denies he is using heroin. "I don't even drink anymore because it destroys my stomach," he protests. "My body wouldn't allow me to take drugs if I wanted to, because I'm so weak. All drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self-esteem. They're no good at all. But I'm not going to go around preaching against it. It's your choice, but in my experience, I've found they're a waste of time."

Cobain brushes off speculation that he's finding fame difficult and dismisses rumors that he'll soon break up the band because it has become too big. "It really isn't affecting me as much as it seems like it is in interviews and the way that a lot of journalists have portrayed my attitude," he says. "I'm pretty relaxed with it."

But people who know him say otherwise. Choosing his words carefully, Jack Endino, producer of the band's debut album, Bleach, says, "When I saw them in Amsterdam a few months back, it seemed like they were a little grouchy and...under pressure."

Fame rubs against Cobain's punk ethos, which is why he refused a limo ride to Nirvana's "Saturday Night Live" appearance. "People are treating him like a god, and that pisses him off," says Bernstein. "They're giving Kurt this elevated sense of importance that he feels he doesn't have or deserve. So he's like 'Fuck you!' Krist and Dave have had to pick up a lot of Kurt's slack. Krist and Dave were close before, but now they're inseparable."

"Just to survive lately, I've become a lot more withdrawn from the band," Cobain confesses. "I don't go party after the show; I go straight to my hotel room and go to sleep and concentrate on eating in the morning. I'd rather deal with things like that. Our friendship isn't being jeopardized by it, but this tour has definitely taken some years off of our lives. I plan to make changes."

Stress has gotten to Cobain before. He had an onstage breakdown at a 1989 show in Rome, near the end of a particularly grueling European tour. Says Bruce Pavitt, co-owner of Sub Pop Records, Nirvana's first label: "After four or five songs, he quit playing and climbed up the speaker column and was going to jump off. The bouncers were freaking out, and everybody was just begging him to come down. And he was saying, 'No, no, I'm just going to dive.' He had really reached his limit. People literally saw a guy wig out in front of them who could break his neck if he didn't get it together." Cobain was eventually talked down.