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Hey, how's that search for Osama Bin Laden going? Looks like "the President" is having about as much luck finding him as Bill Clinton did . . .
"Like everybody else I support the president 100 percent in the war effort," says Aaron Sorkin in The New Yorker, backpedaling out of his half-assed "criticism." Hey Sorkin, you crackhead jerkoff, fuck your "like everybody else" pussy shit -- not only do we not support the phony president and his phony war, we sure as shit do not want you speaking for us . . .
Radiohead are in the studio. Working on their funky rockin' sex record, we trust . . .
Ok, we'd like to welcome all you former USA Today readers who are here trying to fill your Larry King jones. To make you feel welcome, we'd like to present you with an amusing anecdote about Cyd Charisse . . . We've never really understood the whole breakfast for lazy people phenomenon, but that Chex Morning Mix makes a damn fine snack. Particularly the fruit and nut. Oh wait, it's supposed to be breakfast for busy people? How much friggin' time does it take to pour a bowl of Cheerios?
Personal to Jeff Trott, on behalf of Super Furry Animals -- you didn't make the first-ever CD recorded in SurroundSound, sorry. Also, it was all downhill for Wire Train after you joined . . . Hearing "Taking It To the Streets" is a very confusing business these days. Is it a car commercial, or that annoying Minute Pass guy?
Cube we know, but Epps? Who dat?
The American version of Never Mind the Buzzcocks is a disgrace to the good name of Buzzcocks . . . Brian Dennehy is Bobby Knight -- after eating Steve Alford. They should have cast Principal Martino from Ed. Or come to think of it, the Minute Pass guy . . .
Streaming audio department: British Sea Power's upcoming single, "The Lonely," is like a post-post-post-post punk "Forever Young" as performed by Bryan Ferry and the Bunnymen. Wonderful stuff, and the flip-side, "The Spirit of St. Louis," makes Michael feel like he's sixteen again . . . And call us silly old romantics, but we still get juiced at the prospect of a new Oasis record. So far so good -- "The Hindu Times" is the best 'sis choon in forever, complete with almighty guitar WHOOOOOAAAR and a genius/idiotic Noelyric that manages to work in all the usual subject matters: God, rock & roll, gettin' high, shining lights, sunshine and rain. We likee, though we cannot figure out what it has to do with Hanuman the Monkey . . .
We can accept that people all over America (especially in what we still think of as, "the red states") are into the whole racing cars and smashing them thing. But what's up with those caution flags? Pussies . . . Sometimes that Martina Hingis is a bit of all right. Bet she's extremely high-maintenance though . . .
Now that we think of it, that Dennis Martino really is a dick . . .
Nice to have William Kennedy back. Roscoe is typically lush and seedy, part political comedy of manners, part soap opera, filled with whores, avarice and cockfights. He's our favorite Kennedy (second favorite: Nigel, third favorite: the other William) . . . Have we mentioned how much we love the new lyrics to the Kurt Angle song? C'mon, everybody: You suck! You suck!
The Badly Drawn Boy soundtrack for About A Boy is soooooooo good, we suspect the movie might not suck. Just a suspicion, mind . . . Four words we never thought we'd ever hear again: Produced by Earle Mankey . . . The Mooney Suzuki's new Electric Sweat rocks sick (albeit in an extremely MC5 pastiche kind of way). It's also ideal for drowning out Michael's neighbor's incessant piano performances. Enough with "The Girl From Ipanema" already!
MTV has announced their Campus Invasion 2K2 tour featuring Nickelback, Default, Injected and Starsailor. We think a Nazi invasion would be preferable . . . While we're usually loathe to get excited about reunions, color us psyched for a new Throwing Muses record! Seriously!
Turns out the Harvard Business Review has the journalistic integrity of Hits. Who knew? . . . If Don't Stand Me Down wasn't the Greatest Record Ever Made, we'd be thoroughly unamused with Kevin Rowland's "Fuck McGee" reissue. On the other hand, we've always been Dick Green supporters . . .
Dopey country singer Pat Green got beat up by a college student on South Padre Island the other day. Kenneth Andrew Babin of Minnesota, eighteen, was passing through on his way to SXSW and exploded in rage when someone told him Robbie Fulks wasn't playing the Austin festival this year.
In what we're thinking could become a new regular Well Hung feature, we present this week's "Note to Entertainment Weekly: See, "bobsleigh" is what the event is actually called. It's one of those words like "bologna" - looks one way, pronounced another. So really, the NBC caption writers didn't do anything wrong . . .
We're generally fans of ESPN.com's The Sports Guy (well, Jason is, anyway) but he should leave the wrestling and Grammys to, well . . . us!
And speaking of ESPN.com, this tidbit from Darren Rovell's story about the NFL "peephole lawsuit" (involving dozens of former Philadelphia Eagle cheerleaders) is so f---ed up on so many levels that we're just gonna quote it verbatim: According to [cheerleader attorney] McKenna, one plaintiff said she always wore underwear that had the days of the week printed on them, but she had to wear her Tuesday pair on Sunday, because it was the only color that worked with her game-day uniform. A visiting owner allegedly approached her during the game and hinted that he knew of her usual choice of undergarments. "Honey, it's Sunday," she claims the owner told her . . .
Huh huh -- dick supporters . . .
In other news, WHAD would like to congratulate its latest contest winner, Kenneth Andrew Babin. Mr. Babin will receive tickets to every stop on the current Ryan Adams tour . . .
Finally, we leave you with another Well Hung exclusive. That's right kids, it's the second installment of The Kurdt Diaries: The Lost Pages!
03/08/91... today I told grohl there was something on his shirt and he looked! butch cracked up. made me sing the word "gun" thirty-seven times . . . scored on way home (note to self: find new dealer) . . . good Rosanne tonight. phone sex with mary lou, but nodded off in the middle . . .
e-mail to Sqwubbsy@aol.com
JASON COHEN and MICHAEL
KRUGMAN
(March 14, 2002)