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It is with a heavy, heavy heart that we bid a fond farewell to -- sniff -- one of our favorite shows. Despite the evidence of Wednesday's two-hour finale, we are having trouble accepting that it's really gone. The world is a darker place without it.
Some people think 90210 ran out of steam
quite a few years ago. Those people are idiots. However, we will
admit that things haven't been the same since
Brandon and Valerie left. It's
tough building a whole show around Dylan McKay's
forehead -- though God knows it's big enough.
The grand farewell wasn't exactly rife with surprises, but they got
the important stuff right, like putting in that casting call to
Ryan Thomas Brown. No, he's not the guy who shot
President Garfield -- he is the great Muntz. It is
a simple and time-honored rule of thumb -- if Muntz is in the
episode, it's going to be a good one. Even if Gabrielle
Carteris is also around. Muntz rules!
We were also happy they did right by Joe E. Tata.
It was a nice touch having Nat walk
Donna down the aisle (not to mention letting him
cater the wedding -- that's a lot of Mega Burgers!). And thank God
they didn't shut down the show by closing the Peach
Pit like they did to Al. (Poor Al. He was
never Arnold, that was his problem. He was,
however, Murray the cop.)
On the down side, we remain distressed by the symbolic castration
of Steve Sanders. And how come they shunted
Noah out of the last ten minutes so easily but
still allowed Janet to be in the final scene?! Did
she go to West Beverly High? We don't think so. As
for the much-vaunted (and top-billed!) cameo by Brandon
Walsh, we think Jason Priestley cut that
thing straight to videotape from his room at Hazelden.
The return of the fabulous Tiffani Thiessen, on
the other hand, was more than welcome. It's nice to know things are
going well for her in Buffalo, though we're sorry the
Sabres just can't catch a break. Despite what the
media have told you folks, Tiff's Valerie Malone
was far superior to the ever-whining Brenda, a big
ol' troublemaking babe bursting with dirty sexual juju, not to
mention her own bag of weed! Ah, she can take away the
Amber, but she'll never take away
Michael's love! We look forward to her sitcom.
And finally, let's hear it for head writer John
Eisendrath. He's the John Swartzwelder of
primetime soap!
In non-90210 news: A fine new literary critique on
Leonard Cohen was just published up here in Canada
by ECW Press. We've said it before and we'll say it again: ECW!
ECW! ECW! . . . So the Pope revealed the Third
Secret of Fatima this week, announcing that the Virgin
Mary anticipated the assassination attempt on his life.
Well, once again, the Church is covering up the truth, though
indeed Her prognostication has come to pass. Our sources at the
Vatican have given us the real poop. Here is the Third Secret which
brought the Holy See to its holy knees, the one that caused
Pope Pius to faint like a girl: "There will be a
fourth Star Wars movie and it will suck really,
really bad."
Caught Veruca Salt's Louise Post
on MuchMusic the other day. Looks like her favorite band is
Heart, if you dig what we're saying . . . Is it
just us, or are those new Jack in the Box ads
pretty damn amusing? C'mon, he knocked up his preppy wife
Cricket with a deluxe chicken sandwich! That's
funny! . . . Do kids still buy New York Dolls
records? Does rock & roll even matter anyone? . . . Everybody
likes Jello -- except for Klaus
Fluoride, East Bay Ray, D.H.
Peligro -- and us. F him!
It seems ex-ER star Gloria
Reuben is now a back-up singer for Tina
Turner. Next up, Juliana Margulies hits
the road as one of the Harlettes . . . We recently
received a press kit for one of those newfangled
music-meets-technology mags, Revolution.
It promises "easy information payoffs" -- y'know, like "Talk of the
Town" -- as well "boxouts, hot buttons and navigational links." Now
call us old fashioned, but we still believe that a "boxout" is
something you do to Michael Jordan, "hot buttons"
are issues, and "navigational links" are something along the lines
of "continued on page 48." Thank you.
Finally this week, to those who think this column is insensitive to
the pain of others, we'd like to get sentimental for a sec and send
get well wishes to fifteen-time world champ Ric
Flair. Feel better Naitch, David needs you!
Woooooooooooo!
e-mail to Sqwubbsy@aol.com
MICHAEL KRUGMAN and JASON COHEN
(May 19, 2000)