Michael Jackson Remembered:
Brooke Shields on King of Pop's "Pure Soul"

The problem is when you try to bring that out and in this society, it turns into a tabloid sentence, which is, "He wanted Brooke Shields to live with him and adopt babies," and it sounds ridiculous. And it never was that clear-cut. He found people he loved in his life and he didn't want to let go of them and he wanted them all to live together because he didn't want to go out into the outside world, which was so cruel and too much to handle, and it makes sense. I've seen many people in this position where they try to bring people into their circle, because going out of their life, just walking outside on the street is too much for them. That's why he created Neverland, because he wanted to bring people in so that he didn't have to leave and he could feel their happiness and he could somehow regain something that he felt he'd lost. So of course I was going to be one of the people he was going to call.

I can't really guess why his last years were so challenging. I think just cumulatively, when you distance yourself that much for that long, and if you don't have the healthy outlet creatively, because there was a period of time when I think his music was his strength, and that was where he could filter and pour himself into it, and it was clear, and he knew what to expect and he could make it what he wanted. His life, I think, was very hard to grasp, and I don't know if the people around him were helping at all.

I don't think he was surrounded by healthy people. I think he just created a world that he felt safe in, and we went out to dinner a lot less. We used to go out to restaurants — it was madness, but at least we could get to a restaurant and be at a table. Entering and leaving the restaurant was a mess, but we could at least do that, and slowly but surely, he stopped going out to restaurants. And he got thinner and thinner ... at first, he made fun of me because when I was in college, there would be keg parties or whatever, and he was like, "I can't believe you were drinking," and I would say, "It's college, that's what you do in college, you drink, you get sick, and you don't want to drink anymore, that's the way it happens," and he swore off all alcohol and he swore off everything, and he was so clean. He would make fun of me because I wasn't as healthy.

My heart broke for him because once he felt the need to run — I felt like he ran. I was worried about him financially, I was worried about the kids, I was worried about his health. I always worried about his health, because I thought he was just too skinny. He would make fun of me, especially when I was in college, because I gained weight in college — what freshman doesn't gain the freshman 15? — and I'd say, "I know you're going to think I'm fat, but ..." and it was a joke, but he also became very, very conscious of everything, and I used to say, "I think you've lost too much weight." So I started worrying about his health from the thin standpoint.

I saw him less and less as our lives became different. At every major event in my life, he reached out to me, whether if it was when my dad died, when I had my first daughter, and had severe post-partum, we'd speak, and then it got more and more difficult to reach him, and some of the people in his life that I could call to get him, they were fired or they left or they went away, and in the last few years, it was harder to get the right number to get through to him.

I like to think that I was a good friend to him. That's the way it always was, and our friendship never altered, it just stayed the course. No matter what was happening, the one thing that whenever we got on the phone with each other, he would just giggle or laugh and say, "Oh, Brooke," and I was consistent, and I think that was important for both of us. I wanted him to know my kids, but it became harder to take him out and bring him into ... it was just a trauma. I feel like he shouldn't have gone that way. I've always maintained what a pure soul he was.

Rolling Stone's special commemorative Michael Jackson issue featuring tributes from Quincy Jones, Slash, Brooke Shields and more is available now.

ESSENTIAL MICHAEL JACKSON COVERAGE

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