Q&A: Metallica's James Hetfield : Rolling Stone

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In your early lyrics, you wrote a lot about war, death and authority. But unlike a lot of thrash and punk bands at the time, you never fell into the I-hate-my-parents and I-hate-school cliches. You wrote about reacting to pressure, but you never personalized it into family.
There are pro-family songs — "Battery," "Whiplash." They are "fan" family songs. Go and conquer together. There is one song I can specifically disagree with you on, "Dyers Eve" ["Dear mother, dear father, what is this hell you have put me through"]. There is a lot of blame in that song.

Blame for what?
Insulating and alienating, which happened a lot with our religion [Christian Science]. That song was about being in a cocoon, and now that I'm out on my own, oh, my God, the world is shocking me. I don't know how to deal with this stuff. I don't know how to deal with grief, poverty, confrontation. How to live on my own, after father leaving, mother dying.

Was the band your family for awhile?
Yeah, and that works for the first three or four albums. Everyone wants that: the vigor, fire, piss and vinegar. You really believe that you're taking on the world. A lot of that us-against-them that I had with our family transferred to the band, where it became a positive thing. Then as the band starts growing up, things start going other ways. "Wait a minute, you guys aren't as dedicated as I am. I'm holding this together." The fear of abandonment again started to play up. But I understand it now. I also feel there's more dedication from the four of us than ever before.

When did the notion of success — financially — first hit you? Do you recall what you did with your first big check?
Buying a house. That was a big deal — up on the hill, away from everyone. Had the gate. This was after the "Black Album." Jason used to make fun of me, that I had a gate.

It keeps people out.
Keeps me in [laughs]. But to keep people out, yeah. That's my private area.

When Metallica opened for the Rolling Stones in San Francisco in 2005, did you get a sense of the levels of stardom out there ? the backstage behind the backstage?
The fact that we were in a trailer, not even in the backstage area, was somewhat humbling.

And back to a deli tray?
I remember going to catering. We were going on early. We needed to eat before everyone else. I opened up the shepherd's pie, and someone said, "Hey, don't touch that. Ron Wood always puts the first spoon in the shepherd's pie." So I took the biggest spoonful I could and filled my plate [grins]. I didn't do it as a dis to them, just the system. Then it was, "Okay, everyone line up. The Stones are coming out. If you want to get a picture with them . . ." They had someone arranging that. There was an actual line.

Like meeting royalty.
It was crazy. Should I bow or curtsy? How do I address them? And they come out — and they're regular. They're like, "Hey, what's up?" They're all regular dudes. All that other stuff is more "important" than it really is. There are times when I sit and think, "We got it really good. We have it perfect." Then you hear U2 does this, AC/DC has this. Well, okay. I think Lars is more aware of that. I'm more fearful that if it goes too far, we'll never come back.