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10. BOOKS
Curse + Berate in 69+ Languages
A very useful guide for all those times you've ever been cut off on the highway in Sweden and needed to know how to say "Your mother sucks Norwegian swan cock" in a language the other driver understands.
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9. TELEVISION
Survivor: Micronesia
Our pick for the most minor celeb to warrant a spot on reality TV? Jason Siska — one of the superfans who battled former favorites when Survivor returned on February 7th — is the brother of the bassist in ultra-emo band the Academy Is. Bring on the tears!
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8. MOVIES
Be Kind Rewind
This month, director Michel Gondry will premiere his much-anticipated film Be Kind Rewind, starring Jack Black and Mos Def as video-store clerks who make their own awesomely crappy VHS versions of classics like Ghostbusters, Driving Miss Daisy and Rocky. Even cooler: The New York art gallery Deitch Projects will debut Be Kind Rewind, an exhibit where fans can make their own versions of the classics featured in Gondry's film.
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7. BOOKS
Money Shot
It's no shock that Quentin Tarantino raves about Christa Faust: She's a former stripper, with perfect size-five feet he could zoom in on. What's surprising is that her book Money Shot — about a porn star's revenge on the men who left her for dead — is an instant pulp classic.
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6. TELEVISION
The Whitest Kids U' Know
If you're flipping through the channels and you come across a teenager getting a whale-penis implant, it must mean that the funniest sketch-comedy show we know is back — and dirtier than ever: After a hysterical season on Fuse, the series moves to IFC, which offered total freedom — no more bleeps. "Now we can take an idea as far as we want," says troupe founder Trevor Moore. Starting February 10th, IFC will air unhinged bits like the accidental exhibitionist in "Sam's Nut" and the racist writer who pitches TV shows like "Black Doctor" and "What's Up With Mexican Tits?"
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5. TELEVISION
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The best part of this show isn't the preventing-the-apocalypse action — it's the freaky sexual tension between teenage John Connor (Thomas Dekker) and his superhot cyborg protector (Summer Glau). Is America ready for a human-on-robot hookup? We vote yes!
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4. BOOKS
His Illegal Self
Peter Carey's latest follows a kid from the Seventies who flees from home to live on a hippie commune. Props to Philip Roth's American Pastoral, but this is the most riveting novel about Vietnam-era radicalism.
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3. INTERNET
Earles and Jensen
Looking for the next Jerky Boys? In these prank phone calls, which you can hear at matadorrecords.com, this hipster duo pose as everyone from an R&B cover-band singer looking for a gig to a fast-food junkie who complains about the service. "You didn't give me no napkins!" cries the obese Bleachy. "I had ketchup and mayo all over my face. I'm supposed to lick it off like a dog?"
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2. VIDEO GAMES
Burnout Paradise
It's the new Grand Theft Auto, except there are fewer hookers and blow and more crashing into giant evil kidnapper vans while headbanging to the beat of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock."
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1. DVDS
Mr. Untouchable
Don't believe the hype behind American Gangster. "There's too much fantasy in there, too much Hollywood," says real-life drug kingpin Leroy "Nicky" Barnes, speaking from somewhere deep inside the witness-protection program. "It's all bullshit! They made it like Frank Lucas was running everything." Barnes should know: He ruled Harlem like a feudal lord in the 1970s — and was played by the tissue-soft Cuba Gooding Jr. in Ridley Scott's film. For the real inside story of the white-powder biz, watch the documentary Mr. Untouchable, out now, which chronicles Barnes' rise and fall. The film perfectly captures an era of ruthless players strolling over junkies nodding out in the ghetto. Plus there's a bonus conversation with Barnes and Gangster subject Lucas, in which the two rivals discuss snitching and Rudolph Giuliani, toward whom Barnes feels genuine affection. "After I began cooperating, law enforcement proved far more honorable than the hustlers — in particular Giuliani. He got me out of the joint."