Forty Reasons We Loved Television in '07

33 R. KELLY's "Trapped in the Closet," for explaining that the word "package" is slang for AIDS. (Which explains what the UPS man has been "delivering.")

34 CALIFORNICATION's Hank Moody. Because even though he's slutty, he's also a feminist. And because he once inspired a nun to point to his crotch and say, "Something tells me it's not going to suck itself."

35 ANIMAL PLANET's top ten "Most Extreme Bodysnatchers." Especially number four: the phorid fly, which injects its larvae into ants' heads, allowing the maggots to eat their way out.

36 Proof that ELLEN DEGENERES is deeper than we thought: The same week suicide bombers killed 100 in Pakistan, the hostess cried on her talk show. (Because she missed her dog, but that's a mere technicality.)