Perez Hilton: The Queen of Mean

That noted, he goes back to work. Pretty soon, he's put a bunch of new stuff up on his site. There's a picture of The Hills' Lauren Conrad, known in Perezland as "Beef Curtains," with some white dots around her nose. Of Tara Reid, with the caption WHEN WE THINK OF TARA REID WE THINK OF VODKA AND YEAST INFECTIONS. Of Jessica Simpson, with a crudely drawn penis aimed at her face. She's sporting some of those dots too, looping out of her mouth.

Like Perez says, fun!

One sunny, warm southern California day, Hilton has no choice but to grunt a few times, struggle out of his chair, pack up his laptop, toss a few items into his shiny vinyl Hello Kitty tote and head off to the Burbank airport. Having attained celebrity status himself, he's been hired by a club at the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas as its featured attraction. His hair is hot orchid-pink. He wears black jeans, black sneakers and a colorful hoodie. His voice ranges from pretty loud to incredibly loud. Six months ago, he was living in a crummy apartment, no TV, no Internet, and blogging out of the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset Boulevard. His new pad is in a gated community. His old car died, so he now drives a 2007 Toyota Camry. He won't say how much he's making from his site, but $250,000 a year is probably a conservative estimate. In other words, he's getting plenty rich and famous off the misfortunes and travails of others.

Today, his take on Lindsay Lohan is, "She's a little crazy and on drugs. Maybe the drugs make her crazy. I don't know." His take on Avril Lavigne is, "She's a douche." His take on Rumer Willis is, "She's a douche too." His take on Jennifer Aniston is, "I hate her." His take on Paris Hilton is — well, he doesn't offer one, they're friends. His take on Sienna Miller is, "I call her Sluttienna." His take on Tara Reid is, "She's trying to be sober now. Fuck that shit!"

Of course, Hilton does have some nice things to say, such as, "Amy Winehouse is a dear, dear friend." He's also fond of Madonna, Oprah, Angelina and Brad.

But then it's back to business as usual. "I've written about Britney Spears more than about anyone else, by far," he says. "I used to be the biggest Britney fan. Unlike the Nicole Richies or whoever, she really is talented. In her prime, she could sell it like no other. Then to see everything that's happened, I feel lied to and cheated, like that girl I used to know and love wasn't the real deal. It was all an act. And this is the real Britney. And the real Britney is stupid. Like stupid stupid. A dumb, druggie, awful bitch."

Hilton's take on what he does is, "I'm entertaining and informing, satirizing yet celebrating. It's how I express myself. If I couldn't do it, it'd be like my tongue was ripped out. I think I'm making the world a better place. I think what I do is good. I think what I do is noble."

His take on himself is, "I'm not a celebrity. These days, a celebrity is someone who is famous just for being famous. It's got negative connotations. I'm an entertainer, I'm a worker, I'm a busy bee, dripping honey everywhere."