THE LOW POST: In It to Spin It

It's somewhat unfair to bash a politician for literary unoriginality these days, mainly because the vast majority of them are guilty of using the same robotic, machine-generated, market-tested campaign rhetoric. But Hillary's opening speech was really remarkable for its computerized coldness even compared to such notorious campaign robots as John Kerry and Wes Clark. It was a surprisingly impersonal, almost defiantly by-the-book recitation of the DLC formula for national Democratic campaigns -- bash the incumbent, talk tough militarily, and then try to beat the Republicans in the middle on the issues of health care, the environment and a balanced budget. Take a look at the opening of Hillary's speech:

I'm in. And I'm in to win.

Today I am announcing that I will form an exploratory committee to run for president.

And I want you to join me not just for the campaign but for a conversation about the future of our country -- about the bold but practical changes we need to overcome six years of Bush administration failures.

I am going to take this conversation directly to the people of America, and I'm starting by inviting all of you to join me in a series of Web chats over the next few days.

The stakes will be high when America chooses a new president in 2008.

As a senator, I will spend two years doing everything in my power to limit the damage George W. Bush can do. But only a new president will be able to undo Bush's mistakes and restore our hope and optimism.

Only a new president can renew the promise of America -- the idea that if you work hard you can count on the health care, education and retirement security that you need to raise your family. These are the basic values of America that are under attack from this administration every day.

And only a new president can regain America's position as a respected leader in the world.

I believe that change is coming November 4th, 2008. And I am forming my exploratory committee because I believe that together we can bring the leadership that this country needs. I'm going to start this campaign with a national conversation about how we can work to get our country back on track.

Here's the human translation for that piece of text:

Crappy Corbin Bleu song.

"National conversation." Bold. Change. Bush is a failure.

National conversation. American people. I know how to use the Web.

High stakes.

Bush causes damage. Bush made mistakes. Hope and optimism.

Promise of America. Hard work. The New Deal. Family. Values. Under attack.

Together.

Leadership.

National conversation.

You'd be hard-pressed to find anywhere in this speech a line that was not used by another Democratic or even a Republican candidate as recently as 2004. "The stakes are high" was a staple of Kerry campaign-trail stumpery three years ago. "The promise of America" is a favorite, believe it or not, of George W. Bush. "Directly to the people" is an old Kucinich standby. "The leadership this country needs" Hillary plucked from fellow DLC creature Joe Lieberman (who generally uses it in a negative sense, as in "I don't think my opponent gives us the leadership this country needs"). The national conversation we've already covered.