POP LIFE: THE JOKE'S ON US

Taylor Dayne. Cookie Monster. The Great Dane next door. Cooke City, Montana. A prune Danish. The Bugs Bunny cartoon that goes, "Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer?" This is just a partial list of things that are funnier than Dane Cook, but let's stop here or we could go on all day, like one of Dane's monologues. Yeah, we get it: the world's hottest comedian, a success story, the MySpace generation, blah to the blah, but where are the fucking jokes? Dane, did you bring any jokes at all? Or did you just figure you'd think of some after you got famous? His success is his whole story, with his hit album Retaliation, his HBO special Vicious Circle, his Jessica Simpson comedy Employee of the Month. But when does the funny start? How can any comedian get this famous with no jokes? It's like he's a lovable character Will Ferrell made up for an upcoming media-prank comedy, Funnyguy: The Legend of Dane Cook.

Tune in to Dane, and you'll hear old "ya ever notice?" gags you thought would never walk again. You will learn about airports, driving, the ways women are different from men (they cry!), and how people call you "pal" when they're not your pal. "Why are we still requesting people say 'cheese'?" Dane asks. "Was there a time in history when like, photography and cheese were like, the shit?" The best line on Retaliation goes, "He was hit by a Dodge, which I found funny and ironic." I can't wait to figure out which old Emo Philips record that one comes from.

Other comics resent him, not so much for success as for biting routines from Louis C.K. and still not being funny. Dane could be reading aloud from Dave Berg's "The Lighter Side of" in Mad magazine, or he could be Animal House if you thought Neidermeyer was the funny one, but it doesn't matter. Either way, he's huge. Go to his Web site, where he earned his rep as a marketing whiz, and you notice there's no comedy, just essays about how hard he's worked. "Great news!!!" he writes. "We already made back our entire budget and now the movie is making a profit. This is great for me and my cast. It has sent a message that I can open a film up against huge competition." Dane, did you wonder if we noticed Employee of the Month was the assest movie Andy Dick's ever been in, and that includes The Hebrew Hammer? We did! In his Danecasts, he doesn't crack jokes; he listens to Coldplay, replies to his New Friend Requests and urges us to go see Employee of the Month. "Thank you for wanting to check in with me," he muses. "Five million people downloading the Danecast, and let me tell you, it's just gonna get better." You're welcome! So -- heard any good jokes lately?