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Jessica Simpson's hips don't lie. She looks simp-trocious. And slurred like Paula Abdul at an Irish wedding. Nick Lachey was feeling pretty good about things.
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Fergie: For the pre-show, she hit the red carpet for "London Bridge." Nice bladder control!
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J. Lo: Isn't Grey Gardens on Broadway?
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My Chemical Romance were on top of a building performing "Bohemian Rhapsody." No, wait, it was "November Rain." Uh, the entire second disc of Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness? What the hell is this? A choir of kids dressed up as skeletons? Gerard Way tells Gideon Yago the song is about a guy named Rapacia who "examines his own mortality." Uh huh. I need another Zima.
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Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz
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Christina Aguilera: So pissed at not winning. Jealous much?
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Danity Kane
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Gnarls Barkley's Cee-Lo
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Justin Timberlake: He's so wiggly. "Sexy Back" isn't exactly his finest moment, but at least he doesn't have a choir of skeleton children examining their mortality
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Ludacris
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Beyonce
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James Blunt (with Petra Nemcova): Sexy took a little breather when James Blunt was onstage
Plus: Miss the Big VMA Show? Check out Rob Sheffield's hilarious play-by-play: Justin Timberlake sang but Axl didn't; Xtina was painful, Fergie excercised bladder control and much more