Icons Reloaded

"Upgrades." Keanu Reeves speaks the word with shock and awe in The Matrix Reloaded. As Neo, he battles cyberpunks in suits and shades who look just like the cyberpunks from the 1999 Matrix. Then one of these suckers throws him a curve. Bang! Neo's eyes light up.

I'm with you, dude. Upgrades -- the familiar fitted out with new bells and whistles -- are our best hope in a summer of sequels, prequels, remakes and rehashes. Stars aren't icons; it's the hot franchises that Hollywood greedily worships.

If the pussies who run movie studios are stingy with originality three seasons a year, they're allergic to it in summer. For them, creativity is pushing up the season to May 2nd. Then they sell, early and hard, peddling the same thing every summer weekend: the movie of your dreams. Like Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) told Neo, "The Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." That's summer, baby.

Morpheus gave Neo a choice: Take the blue pill and you buy the lies; take the red pill and you face reality. Know this about the following guide, based on what I've seen of ten films you'll be force-fed this summer: You're taking the red pill.