Tonight marks the New Years Eve for Stupid People Around the World.
For years stupid people around the world have been celebrating New Years Eve on January 2 because they just forgot to do so on December 31.
Tonight I’ll be talking to partiers at Larry’s Bar and Laundry in downtown Turkwishin Massachusetts.
Unlike regular New Years Eve Parties on December 31, the NYESP ( New Years Eve for Stupid People ) Parties count down the minutes starting at 9:00 p.m. and welcome in the New Year at promptly 9:15 because of the short attention span for stupid people, so I should have a full report by 10:00 p.m. Central Standard Time this evening.
( Note to everyone: never try and explain Time Zones to stupid people, they just can’t grasp the concept that it’s a hour earlier the further west you go. example, as a stupid person if it’s 7:15 p.m. in New York, what time will it be in St. Louis?? They will always say 7:15 p.m. ) I like to ask them to convert that time to metric standard time, then see what happens.

Earlier this afternoon, I was talking to Captain Greg Edwards of the Turkwishin Massachusetts Police Department, to find out if the NYESP party goers have the same problem as the rest of us on their New Years Eve festivities..
He said that dealing with a bunch of drunk stupid people brought on new problems that normally are not part of the regular New Years Eve parties that happen December 31.
Things such as PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE DRUNK, because they were served ne’er beer or sparkling grape juice in a wine bottle.
After the officer administers the breath test and informs these poor people that they are not drunk, they just thought they were drunk, they head off to the closest bar to in fact, get really drunk.
Last year 23 people spent the evening in the bathrooms of bars all over the city of Plumb New York, due to some prankster turning the lights off on them when they were in the restroom, and back in Turkwishin, the Senior Senator from Massachusetts was reported to have soiled his pants after eating at a all you can eat Mexican Food Restaurant, just to reply to the simple question of ” WHY DON’T YOU GO CLEAN YOURSELF UP?? ” His Replied, ” BECAUSE I’M NOT FINISHED YET!! “, This from a man who just learned last year what foot what shoe goes on!

Yes, this is a big night for certain Sr. and Jr. Senators from Massachusetts!!

Delta -

In New England we do things a little differently than most IT-Geeks in jumpsuits and jodhpurs you see rollicking about on the tarmac. You see, I shoved a bootleg of whoopsy-daisy up Teddy Kenneduxpins bowling alley only to find out that it didn’t squeeze. We all waited to find out if the sauce was burnt before we tried to tell ourselves that cattle need to be reassured from time to time. So, it was all for naught that we came across the shadows of another triumph. INRI was supposed to be TGIF!

I hate to say it, but my wife and I met in a Kum & Go in Ames, IA. Though I wouldn’t show my face there as a candidate.

Wild Thing,

Thank you for that. If there was a message there, save for demeaning the senators from MA, something they need no help with, then I missed it.

Of course, your intent could have been a clever ploy to divert attention from the enlightened folks in MS and THEIR ‘chosen.’

Tim,

I searched that article you linked to and could find neither the word ’sex’ nor ‘embarass.’ So I’m wondering, how did YOU come up with that conclusion?

Doesn’t that qualify as the very definition of media bias?

Methinks Tim has a mind that wanders to purious places…

LOL!

DD
No Message other than I myself overdid it real bad on the real new years eve,
#1 large saki
#2 two large Long Island teas
#3 one large Bloody Mary with cheep vodka

DD
Oh, and 3 Pitchers of Bud Light

Wild Thing,

Piker. In my day we’d have warmed up with that.

How do I hire Michelle Dubert as my ace sidekick?