Watch Madonna Do Stand-Up, Play Children's Instruments on 'Fallon'

Pop icon also performs insane version of "Bitch I'm Madonna," featuring Diplo, a sock puppet and awkward crowd participation

Madonna is an iconic pop singer – but, deep down, she's a "closet comedian." On Thursday's episode of The Tonight Show, host Jimmy Fallon let the musician take her debut stab at stand-up with a brief set focused on dating younger men. 

"I just always think it's good to talk about what you know," Madonna said in the above clip, wearing a grill and gold chains. "I did find myself, very strangely, the other day at breakfast with my [14-year-old] son Rocco, thinking, 'I haven't had a date in a couple weeks. And I looked at my son without thinking and said, 'Do you have any friends you could introduce me to?'"

The comedy upstart also made a pair of jokes about courting two men – one 26, one 28 – and being dumbfounded about their lack of fine art knowledge. "I just want to say there is an upside with dating younger guys," she says in closing. "And that is: they're really good with phones." 

Madonna maximized her Tonight Show visit, also performing a "Classroom Instruments" version of her 1983 hit "Holiday" with Fallon and the Roots (with each member decked out in Hawaiian shirts). The shakers, toy xylophone, bongos and melodica add an organic feel to the synth-pop classic. 

She closed the show by joining producer Diplo for an elaborate performance of "Bitch I'm Madonna," a track from her new LP, Rebel Heart. Watch below as she crams every second with visual craziness – from sock puppets to pissed-off police officers to awkward crowd participation.

In her sit-down with Fallon, the singer reminisced about touring with the Beastie Boys during their formative years – and the hostile response they earned throughout. "Everywhere we went, people booed them," she says in the below clip. "They threw beer bottles at them; they threw beer bottles at me. They said, 'Get rid of the Beastie Boys! Get rid of the Beastie Boys!' And I was like, 'What? I love them.' They were so amazing, and then they became huge. Good thing I didn't listen to them."

Fallon mentions that former Beastie Boy Ad-Rock recently appeared on the show and praised Madonna for teaching them how to be professional. "Did he talk to you about making out with me in the bathroom after one of the shows?" the singer responds. 

Elsewhere in the chat, Fallon demonstrates the go-to dance Madonna once taught him – in case he ever found himself in a club – and praises the pop star for being cool in every way. But the singer says her kids keep her in check. "They remind me every day about how uncool I am," she says. "And they tell me every day, what ever I do, I can't be basic. That's all I hear — "Mom, that's so basic.'"