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Lady Gaga Reflects on Past Cocaine Use

'It was like the drug was my friend'

May 4, 2012 5:55 PM ET
Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga
Jun Sato/WireImage

In an interview aired on Lifetime's The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet last night, Lady Gaga spoke candidly on her past cocaine use, explaining the emotional and mental difficulties that led her to drugs.

Lady Gaga revealed that she was "very depressed" at age 19, dropping out of school and picking up three jobs to support herself as she pursued a music career. "I would go back to my apartment every day and I would just sit there. It was quiet and it was lonely. It was still," said Gaga. "It was just my piano and myself. I had a television and I would leave it on all the time just to feel like somebody was hanging out with me."

Eventually, Gaga picked up a coke habit to cope with her loneliness. "It was like the drug was my friend. I never did it with other people," she said. "It's such a terrible way to fill that void, because it just adds to that void, because it's not real."

But facing increased dependence, the pop star was hit with a sudden reality check. "I sort of fucking woke up one day and was like, 'You're an asshole. You're not an artist,'" said Gaga. "'If you were a real fucking artist, you'd be focused on your music. You wouldn't be spending your money on the white devil.'"

Earlier this week, Gaga split with boyfriend Taylor Kinney of The Vampire Diaries. She's currently under a self-imposed media blackout

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Song Stories

“Santa Monica”

Everclear | 1996

After his brother and girlfriend both died of drug overdoses, Art Alexakis -- depressed and hooked on drugs himself -- jumped off the Santa Monica Pier in California, determined to die. "It was really stupid," said the Everclear frontman, who would further explore his personal emotional journey in the song "Father of Mine." "I went under the water. Then I said, 'I don't wanna die.'" The song, declaring "Let's swim out past the breakers/and watch the world die," was intended as a manifesto for change, Alexakis said. "Let the world do what it's gonna do and just live on our own."

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