Chris Brown on Rihanna Assault: 'I Felt Like a F--king Monster'

Singer describes infamous night in graphic detail in 'Chris Brown: Welcome to My Life' documentary

Chris Brown described the infamous night he physically attacked then-girlfriend Rihanna in a clip from his new documentary, Chris Brown: Welcome to My Life, released Monday.

The R&B singer, who served five years probation and a community service order for the assault, recounts the evolution of the couple's relationship in the 11-minute segment. He called their young romance "a fairytale." Though their relationship imploded after Brown lied about sleeping with another woman, a former employee, early on in their relationship, he reveals.

"After that, my trust was lost with her. She hated me after that," he says. "I tried everything, she didn't care. She just didn't trust me after that. From there, it just went downhill because there were too many verbal fights, physical fights as well. Mutual sides. … We would fight each other. She would hit me, I would hit her and it never was okay."

Then, on the night of Clive Davis' 2009 Grammy party, Brown and Rihanna got into a major argument after the woman approached the couple at the celeb-studded fete. Brown remembers looking over at Rihanna and seeing her "bawling."

After they left the party, he says he offered her his phone to look through as proof of his loyalty; she spotted a message from her and surmised that Brown had lied to her again.

"She starts going off, she throws the phone," he says. "'I hate you.' Starts hitting me. We're in a little Lamborghini. She's fighting me. I'm like, 'Look, I'm telling you the truth, I swear.' ... She hits me a couple of more times and it doesn't go from translation to, 'Let's sit down, I'm telling you the truth.' It goes to, 'Now, I'm going to be mean, be evil.' I remember she tried to kick me, but then I really hit her, with a closed fist, I punched her. I busted her lip. When I saw it, I was in shock. I was like, 'Fuck, why the hell did I hit her?'"

He says that he felt like a "fucking monster" for what he had done, and later, when he saw the police photo of Rihanna's bruised and battered face, he felt the full weight of what he had done.

"I look back at that picture and I'm like, 'That's not me, bro,'" he says. "I hate it to this day. That's going to haunt me forever."