Blogging "American Idol": White Girls Can't Sing

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Ladies' night! And the feeling's right! But there was no chance last night's American Idol could top the entertainment value of Antonella Barba's alleged-sex-photo scandal, not with all those humping-a-basketball pictures. I love how Antonella's BFF spoke out from Jersey, declaring, "She's the least slutty person I know." Stay strong, Antonella! As far as Idol is concerned, La Antonella has nothing to worry about, not as long as they count votes from correctional facilities. She dedicated "Because You Loved Me" to her brother Vincenzo, and threw a bone to her teen-boy fan base by finally wearing a miniskirt. Meanwhile, Lakisha Jones' "Midnight Train to Georgia" and Melinda Doolittle's "My Funny Valentine" kicked everybody else's ass. Hayley Scarnato might not be the most talented singer, but she picked one of my favorite forgotten Whitney Houston hits, "Queen of the Night" from The Bodyguard, a brilliant choice since it has about three notes in it. Simon called her "manic verging on insane." Compliment! So who's going home this week? Tough call -- so many white girls who can't sing, where to start? Here's a guess about this week's carrion, but it's crowded at the bottom, so they might have to wait until next time.

Gina Glocksen. Like a bizarro cross between Amy Lee and Frankie from The Real World: San Diego, she did a shrieky, prissy, laughably inept version of Heart's "Alone," inspiring a hilarious judges' debate over whether the song is "edgy." Our resident Idol guru-genius Jenny Eliscu texted me during the show: "That Gina Glocksen really grates my cheese, you know?" Yes, I know.
Leslie Hunt. In case you forgot, she's the one who looks like Stevie Nicks' dog-walker's cat-sitter's astrologer's girlfriend, wearing her lucky leggings from fourth-grade ballet class. She sings "jazz," which is what they call you on American Idol when you go "skoobity fleebity dibble-dibble pow" between lines. Thanks, jazz!

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