Gosh, Sanjaya! That was one special version of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." Speaking of things that aren't high enough, even if I got high enough to understand what Paula Abdul is saying, I still couldn't guess what's up with Sanjaya's perm. Stop in the name of suck, dude! Diana Ross Week was a disaster, mainly because Antonella wasn't here to sing "Upside Down." The contestants are obviously not big Miss Ross fans, because nobody sang any of her good songs -- where was "I'm Coming Out"? No "Come See About Me," "Last Time I Saw Him," "Gettin' Ready for Love" or even the freaking "Theme from Mahogany?" Dirty Diana was pissed. Eighteen Number One hits, and people are singing crap from The Wiz? Who does she have to blow to hear "Baby Love"?
Since only one of the Top 12 could get axed, and only two can sing, last night's elimination was a tough call. But when the votes were in, it was Brandon who got the message: "Respectfully I say to thee, you suck. Sincerely, America." He blew it by bungling "Maneater" -- whoops, "You Can't Hurry Love." Also in the bottom three: Phil the Bald Muppet, who did the Temptations' half of "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" but not Diana's; and Sanjaya (a.k.a. Mr. Waitin' on My Voice to Change) who did Marvin Gaye's "Ain't No Mountain," not the vastly superior Diana version. Chris Sligh changed the melody of "Endless Love" to turn it into "I've Had the Time of My Life," which would rank as the dumbest idea of all time if it didn't come just a few minutes after Gina G's "Love Child." As for the two who can sing, their corny taste in material is already dragging them down. Stephanie did a swell job with "Love Hangover," though Paula complained she left out the uptempo disco instrumental tag, which doesn't make any sense because it's instrumental. But Paula was just pissed because she got halfway out of her chair to ROCK OUT and then got DENIED. People, do not piss off Paula! When she gets out of her chair, let her ROCK OUT or taste her vengeance!
In truth, Sanjaya sang even worse than Brandon, but it's clear he will have to slaughter a cow onstage and sing the Revolting Cocks' "Beers, Steers & Queers" before America lets him go home. Let's face it -- we're all missing Sundance bad right now. That guy would have had fun with "Baby Love." Our world is empty without you, Sunny D.