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'Beyonce' Made the Internet Explode Today

The hilarious, honest and hysterical online reaction to the album's surprise arrival

Beyonce performs in New York City.
Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Parkwood Entertainment
December 13, 2013 5:35 PM ET

With so many year-end lists already written, queued, or published, everyone figured that 2013 in music was over, right? Well, then Beyoncé released a surprise 14-track self-titled album (and accompanying videos) at midnight. No pre-release singles nor big business promotions; not a peep from the dancers, models, song-writers and producers who all played a part. So after all that secrecy, how did the Internet react when Beyoncé arrived?

It went batshit crazy.

By 12:30 a.m. EST, the Internet had morphed into a moving, breathing, shrieking mass of Beyoncé fangirls. Under her spell, people no longer knew what was happening. Who could rememember life before this album? Seriously, were we even alive before Beyoncé blessed us with these songs and videos?

From its raunchy, Skittles-referencing sex odes to its breathtaking music videos nodding to Beyoncé's entire career, this magnum opus of black female sexuality and power had the Internet, literally, bowing down. At 2:00 a.m., what would YOU do for Beyoncé? 

Every second was alive with someone uploading to their Tumblr a perfect GIF of Beyoncé writhing on the beach in her "Drunk in Love" video, or screen-capping every lingerie look of her "Partition" clip. A seriously GIF-worthy moment across the Tumblr and Twittersphere for the intersectionalist feminist community was Beyoncé spouting the "BOW DOWN BITCHES" chant in her video for "Flawless" as she moshed and freaked out to the voice of of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's "We Should All Be Feminists" TED talk. 

 

When the rest of humankind awoke from its clueless slumber, everyone caught up with the magnificence that was Beyoncé and reactions came rolling in. While the rest of the blogosphere debated whether Beyoncé's work was "feminist or not" or if the album was even good, the feminists of the Internet just could not care less.

One particularly hilarious side-affect of this online Bey Bomb was the consistent agreement that everyone needed to drop everything and listen to the album. Work, in a world with a new Beyoncé album, can simply not be done. It's not that Beyoncé stopped time she just sort of, well, stopped time?

There was backlash on Tumblr to anyone who so much as thought of publishing anything other than Beyoncé-related content. "THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE UPLOADING SELFIES BITCH TAKE A SEAT" read one Tumblr post. "I'm really about to unfollow u if you're not talking about Beyoncé," read another. Save the rest for later, this is Bey worship time.

Beyoncé commanded so much attention that people were actually getting mad at her for releasing such exquisite material unannounced into cyberspace. After Beyoncé casually Instagrammed a picture of vegan cupcakes ('cause, you know, that's what you do when you drop one of the biggest albums of the year) someone commented: "Whew you a bad a bitch. God bless you."

Amen. 

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