Last night's American Idol audition show in Omaha began with troubling news: Paula Abdul's plane tripped over her dog, so she missed the first batch of contestants. Once Paula did "land," however, we were rewarded with slurry commentary and a few near chair tip-overs. Simon Cowell continued to substitute "You're a nice guy" and "You've got a good personality" for "That was wretched" and "I hate you," and the show featured a "Stuck in the Middle With You" medley that was harder to watch than Reservoir Dogs' iconic ear-slicing scene. There were lyric-forgetting farmers, gift-bearing weirdos and a weepy girl trying to impress her strict dad, but for the five best moments from last night's episode, check out these quick clips:
5. Rachael Wicker arm-wrestles Ryan Seacrest and Abdul, but only Paula's strategy involves complimenting the singer's skin.
4. Onetime wrestler Lady Morgue may have a nutty laugh, but Paula's vote is weirder.
3. Damn, you, Tyra Banks - have you managed to insert yourself into this show, too?
2. David Cook says he's a student of Daughtry's radio-rock vocals, but fails to mention Sanjaya as a hair influence.
1. Paula upstages Johnny Escamilla, a vision in gold lamé, by hiccuping during his audition. Cowell responds like a ticked-off Alec Baldwin.