Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" in our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here's our take on episode nine:
Sixty Minutes of Rockin' Reality in Three Sentences: Bret Michaels takes the final four ladies to Sin City for a night in Vegas that's nearly as disastrous as this year's VMAs. After a "free fan-appreciation concert" at an off-the-strip casino, Michaels' band gets Lacey and Brandi M. blind drunk — Lacey falls off a bar and mumbles incoherently, Brandi M. pukes at the dinner table — and Jes scores points for helping everyone stay out of the ER. Jes and Lacey spend the night with Bret (separate nights, that is — if Michaels was still scoring the way he was in the Eighties, he wouldn't require the services of this reality show), but Heather doesn't have to worry about elimination because Brandi M. makes a massive mistake and in a hangover haze admits she doesn't think Bret's the dude for her.
Did Every Rose Have Its Thorn?: How could it not!? After Michaels debuts a tuneless bomb of a song from his new album at the show, he slings the ol' acoustic around his neck, and we all know what that means.
The Most Ridiculous Part: Way too many to count. From Lacey pouring vodka on Brandi M.'s head to Heather taking the entire dinner spread in doggy bags to Heather professing her devotion to Michaels with her head stuffed into a massage table, this whole episode was a doozy. At dinner with Heather and Lacey, Michaels tells Heather he's worried about their future because she's a stripper and "When I wrote my 'Every Rose' song, the girl was a dancer and she broke my heart" (Michaels then unleashes this bon mot: "Can I get her off that pole and get her onto my pole?"). Heather protests that she's loyal, telling the camera, "I know he got his heart broke by a dancer, but that was like, twenty years ago ... get over it." Zing!
The Rockin' Finish: At a long, dramatic elimination, Jes and Lacey (yup, she's still around) score the first two passes, then Michaels questions Brandi M. and gets royally pissed that she changes her tune and admits she can't take their relationship past the friendship level. "Beauty's only skin deep if you fuck with people's emotions," he says and angrily dismisses her from the tour with "Have a good life." Ouch. Next week: the three remaining girls' parents come meet Michaels.