Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love 2, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" in our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here's our take on episode one:
Sixty Minutes of Rockin' Reality in Three Sentences: After being dumped by Rock of Love winner Jes at the reunion show (ouch), VH1 rents Bret Michaels and his security guard Big John a second mansion and stocks it with twenty women vying to date a guy in a bandanna who says the word "rock" an average of 100 times per hour. Four women are designated as VIPs and get extra time to impress Michaels (among them Megan: "I am drawn to Bret like a nun to a convent" and the Olsen-twin-esque Daisy), and after a photo shoot and party that quickly divides the girls into "naked" and "mostly clothed" where one hopeful gets too wasted to attend the elimination, Michaels narrows the field to fifteen.
Did Every Rose Have Its Thorn?: Michaels blew the perfect chance to reference the song he loves to reference most — during his retelling of the sad finish to Rock of Love season one! Alas, this episode of Rock of Love 2 was 100 percent "Thorn"-free.
The Most Ridiculous Part: The show isn't called Rock of Rational Reasoning for good reason, but the premiere episode was stocked with boneheaded moments. While the girls snicker at Michaels kissing "an old woman" (the fabulously Elvira-haired Catherine), they fail to recognize she is nearly the exact same age as the guy they all want to date — of course, Bret forgot his own age too: "Here's where I'm at in my life right now, I'm forty years old," the forty-four-year-old rocker proclaims at the top of the show. Though we're kind of pulling for germaphobe Kristy Joe now, there's something special about Destiney, the bisexual who Michaels muses will be "the perfect psycho-fan to either make sweet love to me ... or kill me."
The Rockin' Finish: Michaels decides to keep boozy, barely intelligible Angelique ("I had my breasts done twice!") and send home a VIP, the MySpace-loving Erin, as well as Jackey, Missi, Ashley and Courtney. Now fifteen ladies remain in a house furnished by Ikea (we knew we recognized those Ektorp couches by the pool!) for a season that promises more "pole skills," muddy football, crazy roller derby competitions and cameos from our favorite Rock of Love contestants including Lacey, Erin and Rodeo.