Long Live Hans Gruber: Why He Should Be Revived for 'Die Hard 5'


Yesterday at Comic-Con in San Diego, Bruce Willis revealed the not-so-surprising news that another installment of Die Hard is in the works. “It’s imminent,” he told MTV news. “The coin is about to drop.” Opinions vary wildly on this matter, but I’ve always felt that Die Hard movies are like Star Trek chapters: the odd numbered ones are the best. Die Hard and Die Hard: With A Vengeance have two things in common: John McTiernan directed both and a member of the Gruber family played the bad guy. Getting McTiernan back in the directing chair for Die Hard 5 may be a bit of a challenge though. He just pleaded guilty to lying to law enforcement officials in connection with the Anthony Pellicano Hollywood wiretapping scandal. He'll be sentenced October 4th. But I think he deserves leniency. The man’s a genius and he should be set free on a work release program so he can make Die Hard 5.

My idea for the villain is even better. What if Hans Gruber didn’t die? I know what you’re thinking: At the end of the original Die Hard, McClane throws him off the top of Nakatomi Plaza and you even see Carl Winslow wince when he appears to hit the ground. But ponder this fact: You never actually see him go thud! What if he survived and has spent the last twenty-two years contemplating revenge? In 1995, he sent his brother Simon after him, but McClane killed him. Hans has to be really pissed off now.

I don’t know how he survived the fall — maybe he’s actually a robot from the future? That’s for the screenwriters too figure out. Still, whatever they come up with, I know that Alan Rickman will make any wacky story seem plausible. Sherlock Holmes came back from the dead — so did Misery Chastain and Jesus. It’s Hans Gruber’s time. Yippee ki-yay motherfucker!

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