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Bret Michaels Hosts a Trashy Mass Wedding on "Rock of Love Bus"

POSTED:

Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love Bus, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" in our recaps. Here's our take on episode two:

Sixty Minutes of Rockin' Reality in Three Sentences: Bret Michaels' tour pulls into Indianapolis, where he tests the girls' devotion by forcing them to write vows for a mock wedding where the brides wear, well, nothing, and groom Bret sports one of those T-shirts with a tux printed on the front (classy!). Taya, Farrah and Brittanya win a hayride date with Bret, which rankles the increasingly psychotic Brittaney (he wasn't swayed by her mushy five-page vow). And just before elimination, Melissa articulates the words we're all thinking: "It is hard to kiss you after all those yucky girls kissed you."

Hey-Oh!: Melissa's wedding gift to Bret is a lucky two-dollar bill that provides him with a set-up for his best punchline yet: "I don't know which is worse - the two-dollar bill is her family's heirloom, or that she's actually giving it to me." But Brittanya hands over a piercing from the region from which the ousted Gia likes to serve drinks, which is enough to win Michaels' favor - for now.

The Most Ridiculous Part: Big John hosts a round of brain-busting trivia ("If Bret has 16 groupies on a bus, three get drunk and pass out, how many menage-a-trois can he have?") and since nobody can add, Bret doles out special all-access passes to whoever he thinks is hot (Brittanya, Taya and Natasha). Feeling slighted, crazed Brittaney causes a near race riot by telling African-American Natasha, "You got the fucking thing because you're black." Doesn't she know we live in a post-racial America now?

The Rockin' Send-Off: Bret identifies party animal Marcia, the busty and needy Brittaney and mixed-signal-sending Melissa as his three biggest trainwrecks, but keeps them around for ratings (I mean because he feels a real connection with them!). Unsurprisingly, Constandina, who "thinks about sex 24/7" but "took a religious vow that I wouldn't have all-the-way sex for three years" is booted, along with Samantha and wild-animal trainer Megan.

Want more Rock of Love? Click here to check out all our Rock of Love coverage, including our exclusive interview with Bret Michaels right here in the Rolling Stone offices, where he dished the dirt on the ladies of the first season.

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